Be at War with your Vices, at Peace with your Neighbours, and let every New-Year find you a better Man ~ Benjamin FranklinNew Years is always a time of reflection. did i do the things i said i would do last year? what happened that impacted me and my decisions? what changes do i want to make for THIS year? how can i make this year different from the last? and will i finally stick to my plan?
res·o·lu·tion /ˌrezəˈlo͞oSH(ə)n/ noun 1. a firm decision to do or not to do something.
life happens. to all of us. change is the one constant that we all face. sometimes the unexpected is awesome. and sometimes it is terrible. but either way, life just keeps on moving. i find it so interesting that we try to "reset" ourselves by a date on the calendar, that is totally arbitrary and yet impossible to ignore. someone, somewhere along the line, decided that January 1st was THE day to get your shit together, and convinced us all we had to do the same. crazy.
I think in terms of the day's resolutions, not the years'. ~Henry Moore
but here we are. on the eve of yet another new year. full of limitless possibilities. you havent made any mistakes yet. or eaten the whole bag of oreos yet. you havent been mean or rude to anyone. and you havent fallen short on any promises. the world is your oyster. so far. and so the idea of setting these lofty goals for another new year starts from a place of optimism and delusion. its almost like we set ourselves up for failure from the start. THIS is the year i am going to eat right, work out everyday, be nicer to people, respond to all of my emails and crush my work goals. oh, and not yell at my kids and keep my house clean. simple, right?
i have never been a fan of resolutions. because to me, those were the lofty things you said you were going to do, but knew in your hard of hearts that you just actually WERENT. lets be honest - most resolutions last about 25 days. then its too hard, or you are too tired, or life just gets in your way. basically, its back to reality. and who has time, in reality, for resolutions. you didnt do that shit last year and you were FINE, right? why does this year have to be different? or better. maybe last year rocked.
The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning. ~Ivy Baker Priest
SO. here is where i am. your RESOLVE is your commitment - to YOU. you are deciding internally
Happiness is a place between too little and too much. ~Finnish proverb
2019 pretty much sucked balls for me. its the worst year in history of ever for ME, personally. from that 10 thousand foot level. my crew did a comp in January, which is usually the perfect start for me. but this year, pop was in the hospital and missed it. i had no focus and performed terribly. and that was just the calm before the storm. anyone who has ever lost a parent, or partner or sibling - or anyone really close - knows this feeling. but it doesnt feel that way. when you lose someone VITAL to you, nothing is every really the same. or at least not yet. i dont have to go on about what my dad meant to me - anyone who knows me already knows that. and yet, i still feel like i need to explain EVERY DAY why i am just not the same. and im not. who knows if i will ever be. and thats ok. it is the new normal - and just another part of the change that life constantly brings.
He who has gone, so we but cherish his memory, abides with us, more potent, nay, more present than the living man. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery
and that is not to say there were not some awesome moments in 2019. maybe they were all a bit less awesome because pop wasnt there. but still. my boys graduated. we started playing ball again. josh played his first college lacrosse game. luke started teaching. jake moved into dc. some very cool moments, for which i am truly thankful. the daily stuff is what keeps the ball rolling, even when we wish it could stop for a bit. maybe the shine was dulled this year, but we made it through. sometimes thats all you can do.
i spend a lot of time talking to the SiB crew about being kinder to yourself. setting realistic goals. measuring success differently. i feel the same way about resolutions. if it helps you to start fresh on january 1st, then by all means DO IT. but if you decide on 1/1 that you are never eating chocolate again, and then beat yourself because you eat the oreos on 1/15 - then you are in for a rough road. beating yourself up is NEVER the goal. unfortunately, we all do that. a lot. just do BETTER. how about that? show up. try harder. be more encouraging. less critical. actionable things that make you feel good, but are not meant to measure you in ANY way. havent we all spent enough time being measured?
Not everything that is more difficult is more meritorious.
~Saint Thomas Aquinas
my hope for all of you (and me as well) is that 2020 brings you more happiness. or that you figure out how to embrace the amount of happy that you have now. i hope you all set some goals. goals are great. and helpful. but if your first set of goals doesnt work out, go ahead and make some different ones. in the gym, we try to focus on what our bodies can DO. and the goal is to just keep getting better. for some people that means stronger. for some it means breathing easier. there is no one answer in the gym, just like there is no one answer in life. everyone is different, and their goals should reflect who THEY are, not who anyone else thinks they should be. makes changes in 2020 because you WANT to change. not because you think you need to. or think you should want to. those are the paths to failure. embrace where you are on your journey, and figure out the next steps on the path. all those small steps add up, and eventually you will find yourself in a completely different place. with any luck, its a better one.
There's an alternative. There's always a third way, and it's not a combination of the other two ways. It's a different way. ~David Carradine
i want to end 2019 by saying thank you. to all of my friends who reached out when i needed it. and to my SiB tribe, who kept me going all year long. even though i dont express it well (or enough), i am forever grateful. i am not sure i would have gotten out of bed much at all this year without you guys. and when you are feeling sad or defeated, please remember that in this life your biggest gift is your ability to ask for and to offer a hand. we rise by lifting others. sometimes you are the lifter. and sometimes you are the liftee. and its always ok to be both. much love xoxo
Dare to reach out your hand into the darkness, to pull another hand into the light. ~Norman B. Rice
