resolutions are dumb

Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right. ~Oprah Winfrey 

New Years resolutions are the absolute worst thing in the world.  it's like you decide on the very first day of the year to set yourself up for failure.  in what way is that a good thing?  lets be honest.  if you have not been able to modify your behavior at any point in the last, oh say YEAR, why is January 1st going to be any different?  and why do we need a date on the calendar to attempt to get our shit together?  let's just not, shall we?

how about you decide to set some realistic expectations for yourself in this brand new year?  try not to set the bar so high that you are doomed to suicidal thoughts in 30 days.  why dont we talk about that stupid "bar".  and who gets to decide where it is?  i mean clearly, we can lower it below ground level for our president, so why should you keep raising it
for yourself?  it is totally okay to expect MORE of yourself.  and others.  but you cant keep moving the bar on yourself. or them.  it creates a cycle of failure and defeat, both mentally and often physically.  we move the goalposts anytime we get near them.  isnt the goal to actually reach them? it's okay if they shift because you WANT them to.  but not because the shift in societal trend demands it.

Not everything that is more difficult is more meritorious. ~Saint Thomas Aquinas

i have lots of examples, but lets start with the easiest....FOOD.  i cant tell you how many posts ive seen this week saying some version of "this is the last week of sugar, soda, carbs, bread, dessert, blah blah blah".  like all of the sudden, january first, you are going to gain superhero willpower and NEVER EAT YOUR FAVORITE THING AGAIN.  um, hello.  not happening. and if you are expecting it to, you are setting yourself up for failure.  again.  i know there are people out there capable of this cold turkey method - but not many.  and WHY?  why would you set out to make yourself absolutely miserable?  are you torturing yourself eating those things?  if its adversely affecting your health, then yeah - maybe quitting is what you need.  but if you just want to look better and you think starving yourself is going to get you there - its not.

what depriving yourself is going to do is make you mean.  and unhappy.  maybe 6 weeks to 3 months from now, you will look better. but you may not have any friends left.  OR it wont have made a difference AND you still wont have any friends left.  seriously, why do that to yourself?  if you are serious about weight loss or looking better (which seem to be the only 2 things people care about in january), MAKE A PLAN.  get some advice, set realistic weekly/monthly expectations, and then diligently work towards your goal.  deprivation is not some overnight magic pill.  its a recipe for disaster.  and why is getting skinnier the most pervasive new years resolution anyway?  i hate that.

I am beginning to measure myself in strength, not pounds. Sometimes in smiles. ~Laurie Halse Anderson

lets be smarter this year.  if you need coffee to live, dont give it up all at once.  step it down gradually.  figure out how to live without it before you remove it from your life entirely.  same with sugar. or bread.  or what the fuck ever you are going to "give up" this year.  i still dont think you need to give up anything - unless its actually harming you or your health, but i get it.  so dont set yourself up for failure. again.  limit your intake.  and do something positive to go along with it.  only drink 2 cups of coffee in the morning.  and the next time you reach for it, have a glass of water and write down WHY you cant have the other cup of coffee.  or why you think you cant.  you know what i mean.  clearly i use coffee bc its my thing, but you get my point.

if you are going to have a negative new years resolution, i would encourage you to also have a positive one.  if you give up sugar, what do you get?  i am not going to eat donuts anymore BUT i get to read for 30 minutes everyday without feeling guilty.  it cant all be negative.  WHY are doing this thing to yourself?  i mean, whats the ultimate goal?  to wear a better bathing suit?  then how else can you help yourself reach that goal that will make you feel BETTER, not worse?  meditate?  download a yoga app.  do some pushups.  i dont know that answer, but YOU should.  do something that makes you feel GOOD about not eating the donuts.  not just miserable without them.

The vision must be followed by the venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps — we must step up the stairs. ~Vance Havner

OR.  dont give them up.  you love them.  they make you happy.  so keep that door open. i will only eat donuts on sundays.  yay.  win/win.  then you still get to have donuts.  and keep your sanity.  and your loved ones.  dont set that bar so high you cant succeed.  set it where you know you can reach it.  then feel good about it.  you can decide to move it later if you want.

so this year, at the gym, i instituted a paper calendar tracking method.  we signed the days we worked out.  easy.  it was a great motivator for many of us.  it kept us accountable to ourselves and each other.  BUT.  now the "bar" is at 300 days.  can i realistically move that bar?  and am i a failure if i dont?  i think the answer is no.  thats where the bar IS.  at 300.  its a realistic goal because i already did it. why would i make it harder to reach next year?  is that even fair, emotionally, to put that kind of pressure on myself?  i averaged 5.7 workouts a week ALL FREAKING YEAR.  i absolutely have to be ok/proud of that.  so the goal then is just to repeat it, right?  and thats ok.  it doesnt always have to be more/better.  or skinnier.  we've talked about skinnier, right?

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results. ~Jack Dixon

what i hope for all of you, and myself, in 2019 is motivation.  what drives you?  work towards that.  feel better about yourself because you are tackling a realistic goal.  something you KNOW you can accomplish.  it can be hard.  hard is good.  but dont go into it knowing you will fail.  i can honestly say to every one of you, if you have not worked out or eaten right all year, you are not all of the sudden going to find the motivation that you lacked last year.  baby steps, people.  now, i am firm believer in separating the food from the workout.  trust me. pick one and start with that.  sore AND hungry is a recipe for disaster.  no truer words have i ever spoken.

I think in terms of the day's resolutions, not the years'. ~Henry Moore

lets all look forward to 2019.  dont go into it with dread, knowing you can no longer have your favorite thing.  thats a shitty way to start a year.  embrace something positive.  change is good.  if you want to be skinnier, go for it. but set yourself up to succeed.  plan for it.  decide how to be accountable.  find the positive in the process.  life is too short to be miserable.  and i dont think any of us need MORE negatives.  look forward to the new year. let it be the year you reach a goal.  even if that goal is a small one.  achievement and success spread and grow.  grow with them this year.

It's not about athleticism

This week i have had the pleasure of watching a handful of my college athletes return to the fold while they are home for break.  and in watching them,  i realized a few things that maybe we all need to understand about the gym, life, and what it takes to be successful.  of course, i'm going to start with the gym.  isnt that where it always starts for me?

I've got a theory that if you give 100 percent all of the time, somehow things will work out in the end. ~Larry Bird

my gym is not for the faint of heart.  both by intent, and by result of my clientele.  i have had many a person offer me words of wisdom on how to "grow" my business.  but what most people dont understand about SiB is that its NOT a business.  its my passion.  it fills a void for me, and others like me, that i couldnt find anywhere else in the fitness community.  SiB is not about lowering the level to bring in more people.  its about building people to rise to the level.  and that is not to say we are better at anything.  there are better athletes and stronger people virtually everywhere.  what sets us apart is the MINDSET of the people who want to be there.  if you are looking for easy, we are not for you.  WE, not the gym.  SiB is the people.  and what all of those people have in common, aside from a small (or large) amount of crazy, is the desire to continually push their personal boundaries.  there is no "status quo" here.  only the desire to keep pushing.

“The key is not the will to win… everybody has that. It is the will to prepare to win that is important.”  Bobby Knight

how does that relate?  or happen even?  it struck me watching these kids.  these college athletes, and college bound athletes, who have a drive that can not be taught.  you have it or you dont.  that drive is what we all have in common.  it is not about athleticism.  there are millions of athletes. and better ones than i know.  what sets the competitors above the rest is heart.  and drive.  and SELF motivation.  to do the things most people just do not, or will not, do.  it takes a special kind of mentality to make yourself do the hard thing.  to push yourself to be better when you may already be better than those around you.

when i tell people that SiB is not for everyone, i mean it.  and it is in no way meant to be an insult or a criticism.  what we do, for the most part, is NOT fun.  it has its moments for sure.  but mostly, it is a necessary part of WHO we are.  the mindset at SiB is that there is no such thing as "too" hard.  its ALL hard.  its supposed to be.  because pushing through the hard things is how we handle LIFE.  its as much a mental workout as a physical one.  i may not want to do this, but i am going to anyway.  it sounds kind of brutal when i write it out.  but its true.  the heart of the gym is the competition we feel daily.  with ourselves and with the rest of the crew.  to be BETTER.  to push HARDER.  to compete. and feel successful.  you have accomplished something when you leave SiB.  and you should feel good about that, even when your legs are still shaking.

“Don’t measure yourself by what you have accomplished, but by what you should have accomplished with your ability.” John Wooden

i often find myself in the position of saying some version of "everyday is leg day at SiB".  and it is. which stems from my own personal experiences with fitness.  most days are also core and arm day as well.  but i live and die by my favorite quote from Miracle....."legs feed the wolves, gentlemen".  and they do.  both in reality and mentally.  DRIVE is everything.  in sports your drive comes from your legs.  its your power source.  the stronger they are, the better YOU are.  and same with your life.  a strong drive - to succeed, to be kind, to kick ass - whatever it is for, the stronger it is, the better.  it's  a strange kind of deni concept, but there you go.  I am not going to push you.  YOU have to push you.  if you need me to hold your hand thru a workout, this is not the place for you.  because it is TOO HARD if you are not all in.  the work has to be worth it TO YOU to make any progress.  i will provide the vehicle to help you, but YOU have to provide the gas.

as i watched one of the young men make us all want to throw up while he was doing sprints on the assault bike (with his headphones on), completely in his own world, all i could think of was "where does THAT come from?"  THAT thing that some people have and some people dont, that makes you just keep pushing and pushing your limits.  its the heart of the competitor and if i could bottle it, id be a bazillionaire.  its amazing to watch, and its easy to recognize when you see it.    luckily for me, i see it alot.  and its not always in the "best" athletes.  it doesnt have to be.  believe me.  there are plenty of amazing athletes that DONT have it.  that slide by on talent.   i can appreciate talent.  its also fun to watch.  but i will ALWAYS choose drive over it.  and if you've got both, there's no stopping you.

It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it. Lou Holtz

well.  except for injury.  which is another place you get to see it.  how do you deal with those injuries?  we all get them. some are serious.  some arent.  but how you deal with them ultimately is one of those defining things.  let me tell you that NO ONE - i mean NO ONE - likes the assault bike. but when you are injured and need to keep your cardio, you have 2 choices - swim or bike.  well, maybe 3.  you can wait it out.  you can become one of those "i have bad knees/shoulders/feet/whatever" people.  those people are the ones that wont like SiB.  and believe me, we have alot of those issues. the difference is how you deal with them.  if you want to modify, great.  if you feel you can push thru, great.  if you want to use them as an excuse, we are not for you.  and im not judging you or hating on you.  im just being honest.  hard work is THE answer.  often it is the ONLY answer.

so i harken back to the good old Brown University Pizzatola, where all of the athletes would jockey for the 2, yes 2, stairmasters that were available in the varsity weight room.  for all of us.  yes, i said 2.  but i digress.  you could not go into that gym and find a time when someone was not on BOTH of those damn things.  we LIVED on them.  and that assault bike workout today reminded me of that.  30 years ago (yes, 30), i started on this path.  fighting for every bit of cardio i could get along the way.  2 a days in college, gym before (and sometimes after) work when i graduated.  teaching 14 classes a week for years and years when my kids were little.  not because anyone was making me.  because I was making me.  because, to me, it is necessary.  and FOR me, it is.  that is who SiB is for.

To conquer oneself is a greater task than conquering others. ~Buddha

i laughed typing that because, as always, im the example.  i am NOT the most athletic person in my family - either of them.  but between the 5 of us, we all have different variations of the athletic/motivated dichotomy.  Kris is definitely more talented.  but im pretty sure he was NOT one of those kids waiting in line for the stairmaster :).  and he was still a more "successful" college athlete. so all of this is not to say anyone HAS to work like this.  or want to.  there are a TON of successful people out there without this crazy drive.  or maybe i should have just stopped with the "crazy". 

as i venture into 2019, i look back at what the last 5 years has brought into my life as SiB has grown.  i am so proud that the kids who i tortured training in high school walk back in, give me a hug, and get right back to work.  this is a family.  its a versatile, admittedly crazy, bickering, competitive family.  and that's what makes it so great.  it feels just like home.  maybe you should be worried for my boys :)

No man who is occupied in doing a very difficult thing, and doing it very well, ever loses his self-respect.  ~George Bernard Shaw

merge & delete

before we get all sunshine and lighty about next year, i figured it was a good time to revisit THIS year.  and how i wanted to end it.  admittedly, its been a tough one for me and i am looking forward to starting another one - and soon.  so i decided to do a purge.  its like that day you decide to delete fb friends, except i did it to my iphone.  and WOW was it super freeing.

People and their rituals. They cling to things so hard sometimes. ~Garth Stein

you know how you have contacts in your phone from like 1977?  well, if you are anything like me, you do.  every time i got a new phone, somehow my contacts duplicated.  then they triplicated - or whatever.  basically my contacts looked like a mashed up soup of the last 7 jobs ive had.  i mean, why would i ever need the kitchen manager at Olde Towne Inn's number ever again?  why did i not delete that like 4 years ago?  because iphones suck and you have to delete contacts one at a freaking time.  and then i just forget about it, get frustrated (shocker) and just ignore the 7 tons of repetitive and unnecessary shit in my phone.

not today people.  i downloaded a de-dupe app AND a multi-contact deleter!  and took that number from like 2403 down to 612.  can i get a hell, yeah??  why do any of you care?  you probably dont.  and thats cool.  BUT i mention it because now is a great time to do that once a year refresh.  re-evaluate even.  are you dragging a bunch of shit around because its just easier than trying to address it all?  i know i am.  so this was the first step. 

I will not carry a thing to its culmination simply because I entered in. I may have said I wanted it, but I will have the courage to say, "I have changed my mind." ~Muriel Strode

and its kind of scary, giving up all that information, right?  like what if i needed for some ungodly reason to reach out the bodypump instructor i hired in 2004?  i might need her at some point in the future.  even though i wont.  and havent used that number in 6 years.  i mean, i MIGHT.  what if someone asked me for her number and i didnt have it anymore?  those are the dumb ass reasons i still have (or had) all of my world gym instructors, sysco contacts & every softball or soccer team member ever. WHY?  if i havent used the number like THIS YEAR, why do i need it?  what kind of security blanket is that?  or is it just laziness?  i think probably both.

so im starting fresh.  my actual daily work contacts.  my current gym contacts.  family. friends.  that's it.  yay.  and i think its the start of a real purge.  emotionally.  why am i dragging around baggage from last year, or 5 years ago.  or god forbid 10.  its totally unnecessary. and its fucking heavy.  and im tired.  2018 tried to see how much i could carry without dropping anything.  and the answer is alot.  too much really.  why do i have to carry all of it, when most of it isnt remotely necessary?  the answer is, i dont.  if i took one thing away from 2018, its that i no longer have the energy or the capacity to run on all cyclinders all day every day.  i tried.  believe me.  and im just not going to do it anymore.

When the winds of change blow, some people build walls and others build windmills. ~Chinese Proverb

hence the merge and delete. i mean physically it was pretty easy (after i found the right apps).  emotionally will be a little different.  but im on a quest for it.  i need to find the inner balance that comes from assuming only the responsibilities that are mine.  you can all carry your own shit.  and really,  i did this to myself.  i know that.  and am perfectly aware of it.  im also aware that this was a mean year.  to me and by me.  i lost my sense of humor somewhere this spring and am still searching for it.  somewhere this year i traded keeping the wheels turning for being happy.  and it happens so slowly its hard to recognize exactly when or where i lost my way.

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl

this is a long winded way of saying, re-evaluation and reflection is good.  it may not fix anything.  but it might.  if nothing else, it feels a bit like i cleaned a closet that had shoes in it from 1984.  which should probably be next on my list.

merge & delete, people. i highly recommend.  clean-slate 2019 is almost here.

winner winner chicken dinner

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. ~Theodore Roosevelt

one of these is not like the other.  that's the text i sent to my husband when we were finished with our latest crossfit competition.  standing on the podium, for the first time, with 3 other teams of women was very empowering.  and kind of funny, honestly.  we never really approach these comps as an opportunity to WIN - we just want to do well, and check our progress.  of course, we are all competitive or we wouldnt participate - but winning hasnt really been the goal, so to speak.  COMPETING is the goal.  and we have learned some great lessons along the way.  but this weekend was validating on a whole different level.  because i have been preaching (and preaching) that it is NOT about appearance.  strength and "beauty" are not mutually exclusive - and yet they can be totally interchangeable.  STRONG is beautiful.  in and of itself.  and there are many, many different variations of strong.

whenever we go to these things, the first thing that you notice is all of the different body types.  and of course the hard bodies stand out.  the chics with the killer abs and shoulders, wearing the super cute sports bras.  and you immediately think "i bet they are really good".  because they LOOK really good.  we still make that assumption, that looking good means being good.  and clearly, you dont look like that without a serious amount of work - so its not a bad assumption.  BUT.  its not the whole picture.  not even close.  as my girl Krista said "we all look like that - underneath".

Beauty is strangely various. There is the beauty of light and joy and strength exulting; but there is also the beauty of shade, of sorrow and sadness, and of humility oppressed. ~Arnold Bennett

i think the challenging part is to just try not to judge.  we are all there, doing our best. which is
awesome for everyone - and super encouraging.  but i would be lying if we didnt find some perverse satisfaction in the "surprise" everyone gets from our performance.  based on our appearance.  because we are generally NOT the team you look at and think - oh, yeah - thats the team to beat.  its more of a "good for them" kind of thing.  which is fine.  mostly.  it motivates me, anyway.  because i know we dont LOOK like the team that puts in hours and hours at the gym. even tho we do.  we look like the team that eats pizza and drinks beer.  because we do that too.

when we made the finals, we were in 1st place.  so we had to line up in lane 1.  and when we stepped in, a very nice judge said "are YOU in first place"? and when we said yes, she just went "good for you".  which was nice. and yet still a bit condescending.  based on what we looked like.  we were "too big" to be in 1st place.  and yet, we were.  go us.  now please dont think i wouldnt love to be the rock hard body chic.  because i would.  i just dont have enough of a desire for that to eat better.  thats it.  my desire for french fries outweighs my desire for abs.  end of story.  the good news is that ive finally learned that what i look like doesnt really have much impact on what i can do. or cant do.  this is the revelation of my life. one i am hoping to share with everyone out there who struggles with it.

So long as we are in conflict with our body, we cannot find peace of mind. ~Georg Feuerstein

you CAN change your appearance.  you can alter your diet and eat chicken and sweet potatoes.  you can macro your diet. or shake your diet.  you can lean out and de-carb.  but YOU DONT HAVE TO. i am putting that old adage "you cant out-train a bad diet" to the test.  i think you absolutely can.  i am living proof.  now, am i ever going to be a world class athlete?  nope.  but can i compete? sure.  i think what "they" mean by not being able to out-train a bad diet is that you cant LOOK like you are fit while eating like shit.  and that is true.  you cant.  but can you BE fit and look like shit - absolutely.  its a matter of perspective and semantics.  i have competed against some very, incredibly beautifully sculpted bodies with zero wind.  and watched women walk in off the street in baggy sweats, who never broke a sweat and still kicked my ass.  diet is diet. and fitness is fitness. somehow we have conflated the two.  we, as a society, think that to be fit, you must be lean.  and that if you are lean, you must be fit.  and i call bullshit.  as usual.

do i want you to be healthy?  of course i do.  but what i want more for you (and me) is to STOP mixing up fitness with appearance.  i know what it takes to "look" fit.  and i am honest enough with myself to know i am unwilling to do that.  consequently, i have a ton of respect and appreciation for those that do.  we watched a judge walk to the cooler this weekend, grab a baggie of cold sweet potato and eat it like that.  ew.  but go her.  THAT is the commitment it takes to LOOK fit. i would rather BE fit.  would i love to ALSO look fit - you bet.  and if wishing it so could make it happen, id already be there.  but clearly the magic wish fairy does not think that that ranks very high on the list of important shit to take care of.  i'll still keep my fingers crossed tho.  while i eat my mashed potatoes and pretzels with chicken salad as my pre-game meal.  i am not at the stage in my life where i can handle the pressure of eating clean.  or even appropriately for my age.  food comforts me.  and makes me happy.  i know that is not exactly what food is supposed to do.  but that is the role it plays for me.  and currently, i am ok with that.  i guess the point is that even tho i eat like a child, that doesnt mean i cant be fit, or strong.  i can be whatever i want.  i CAN outwork a bad diet.  i just may not LOOK like it.

So you plant your own garden and nourish your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.... ~Veronica Shoffstall

ive shared this somewhat silly goal with my gym fam.  i want to go to flex on the mall next year and feel totally comfortable working out in my sports bra.  because its about a thousand degrees on the mall every year.  but i never feel like i can. because, again, the chics in the super cute sports bras are RIPPED. and its intimidating.  this year, i want to feel like i can.  not because i am ripped up (even tho if the magic wish fairy granted that, id be psyched), but because i dont care that im NOT.  i want to mentally get to the place where it does not matter at all if i am being judged for what i look like.  i want it to not matter to ME that i may not look the part, but that i can feel comfortable in my skin anyway.  i dont want it to be more important that i LOOK fit.  but that i AM fit.

goals, people.  we all need goals :)

People who love to eat are always the best people. ~Julia Child

fit is a choice

Choices are the hinges of destiny. ~Edwin Markham

there are a lot of choices we make in this life.  a million really.  and this subject is one i revisit a lot, in different ways and different blogs, because it pertains to literally every avenue of our lives.  choices.  there are a ton of parenting adages i wrote about forever in my be the sunshine blog, and every one of them is just my own singular opinion about how to get through this crazy life.  but there are  few things ive learned as ive gotten older and hopefully wiser.  and some are just reiterated over and over.

every single thing we do in this life is the result of some kind of choice we make.  and then how we react to that choice.  and then how we FEEL about it.  you choose your activity.  you choose your attitude.  clearly things dont always go the way you plan, or hope.  but ultimately your life is shaped by the series of choices you make day in and day out.  they affect your relationships, your health, your financial well-being.  everything.

Everything is something you decide to do, and there is nothing you have to do. ~Denis Waitley

why bring it up again?  we are getting ready to hit another "transition" period.  school is starting.  which means a bunch of people are getting ready to either stop or start something.  or both.  and so i think its a good time to revisit our outlook on, of course, fitness.

fit·ness noun  the condition of being physically fit and healthy.

people choose to work out for different reasons.  and i honestly dont really care what they are.  i mean, overall we could be nicer to each other about the people who do it for different reasons than we do, but generally we could be nicer to each other, period.  these are my 3 big buckets of fitness folks:  the pretty people - who work out strictly for looks; the competitors - who are trying to accomplish something serious in the gym or on a field of some kind; and pretty much everyone else - just trying to be healthy and live longer.  into those buckets fall a ton of different people.  the figure competitors and the obsessive dieters; athletes and steak heads;  parents, students, and generally anyone that has had a health scare or knows someone who has.  those are the people who work out.  GIANT generalization, i know.  

Definition of Fitness. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), physical fitness is defined as 'the ability to carry out daily tasks with vigor and alertness, without undue fatigue, and with ample energy to enjoy leisure-time pursuits and respond to emergencies.'

but there are a ton of people who dont.  and here is where i lose sympathy for the large group of people i like to classify as the "excusers".  i would BUT.  i dont have TIME.  i wish i could BUT.  i wish i LIKED it.  you are so lucky YOU can. to which i say, very sympathetically, bullshit.  i hate those excuses.  i pretty much hate ALL excuses, but the ones that make the comparisons annoy the shit out of me.  because the number one way most people justify NOT working out at all, is time.  and then they go on to make you feel like you are being selfish for taking (or making) the time to do it.  and this is where i will make the "working out" distinction. i use that term because that is what i do.  i work out.  i do not run.  ever if possible.  i dont do yoga.  or take dance.  or walk around "my neighborhood. i dont ride a bike.  or paddleboard.  or swim.  i dont do A LOT of things that are amazing forms of exercise.  because i dont want to.  not because i CANT.  because I DONT WANT TO.  but i am a huge fan of anyone who does any or all of those things.  or any of the million other things that qualify as exercise.  that help you on your quest "to carry out daily tasks with vigor and alertness".  because that, my friends, is what it is all about. living longer, or healthier, or both.

Moderate exercise is indispensable; exercise till the mind feels delight in reposing from the fatigue. ~Socrates

i have a lot of favorite people that i work out with.  but my best story in this regard is the dad who joined my gym so that he could play with his kids.  he had his kids a little later in life and just felt like he was dragging ass all the time.  his kids wore him out.  and he didnt want to be THAT dad.  thats it.  his whole reason for making the time to get healthy.  to be there, in a better way, for his kids.  he has no desire to compete.  or kick anyones ass.  he has the best attitude EVER.  because he knows that he can now do all the things he wants to do with his family.  and every time he comes back from a weekend of crazy activity, he just says "this was the best decision i ever made".  think about that. 

our health, or lack thereof, in a lot of cases is contributed to by the choices we make.  clearly i am not talking about serious medical challenges.  i mean the normal day to day health stuff.  can i walk up the stairs or do i have to take the elevator?  can i stand up and watch a game or do i need to sit?  in 5 years or even 10 years, will i be able to keep up with my kids?  or do my yardwork?  or any of the million other things you need to be in good health to do?

Health and cheerfulness are brothers. 

~Proverbs by William Hardcastle Browne, 1900

my point here is this:  embrace the idea that this is your ride.  you can always do more.  and you can always do less than what you are currently doing.  life is a balance, of course.  but if you dont take (or make) the time to take care of your body, it will not be there for you in the long run.  you dont have to be obsessive about it.  but you do have to consider it.  this time thing isnt happening TO you.  its happening AROUND you.  and you get to influence it.  you get to decide to make yourself a priority.  not just physically, but mentally too.  you get to spend time on those things that you CHOOSE to.  yes, you may need to work. and take care of your kids.  or have a long commute.  or all of that.  but somewhere, remind yourself of that old "we all have the same 24 hours" thing.  we all find time to eat, and drink.  we find time to facebook and netflix.  we find time to shop and read.  and all the other things.  that are all good things.  we should just acknowledge that a time suck is a time suck. no matter what it is.  so why not squeeze in some yoga. or running.  or walking.  you know. or the gym. 

He who has health has hope; and he who has hope has everything. 

 ~Arabic Proverb 

consider this my annual reminder to get your ass up off the couch.  with some of my favorite movie quotes to inspire you:)

"Live Long and Prosper" - Spock

“Get busy livin’, or get busy dyin’.”– Andy Dufresne

“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.” - Gandalf

"Do, or do not. There is no “try”.– Yoda

needing help

I have looked through the list of illnesses, and did not find cares or sad thoughts mentioned among them. That is a mistake, surely. 

~Georg Christoph Lichtenberg 

ill·ness noun  a disease or period of sickness affecting the body or mind.

Mental illness refers to a wide range of mental health conditions — disorders that affect your mood, thinking and behavior. 

this is a tough subject for most of us. for a lot of different reasons.  and i am by no means qualified to tackle it.  im writing about it, like everything else, to try to shed some light from my singular perspective & my own personal point of view.  so please, take this with a heavy grain of salt.

There are no facts, only interpretations. ~Friedrich Nietzsche

when we are sick - physically sick - we have zero problems talking about it.  we tell everyone who isnt nailed down that we feel crappy. we share what medicine we are taking and we ask every person we see for advise on the best way to get better.  we google.  we ask the pharmacist.  we call our mom.  we might even go see a doctor, or heaven forbid,  urgent care.  but we ACTIVELY SEEK HELP.  very few of us suffer in silence.

when a friend or family member gets a devastating diagnosis of the C variety, we immediately rally.  we set up meal trains, and raise money.  we become activists to help in the only ways we know how.  and our friends accept that help because they know they need it.  they know you can not battle something that big alone.

and if you suffer a physical challenge - big or little - you again,  seek help.  if you break a bone, you immediately get a cast.  when we pull muscles or sprain things, we commiserate with our people and try every home grown remedy known to man to get better as fast as humanly possible.  we use our village, our resources, and we talk about it. 

what we dont do is HIDE IT.

i am not sure why we treat mental illness differently.  and i am opposed in general to the term. i believe the stigma of those words - something is wrong with my brain - adds weight to the struggles associated with them in the first place.  if you suffer from anxiety, or depression, or any other emotional challenges, society has reinforced that you should be ashamed of that.  you should NOT talk about it.  you shouldnt ask for help.  you should suffer in silence, until you just cant anymore.  and i call bullshit.

Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of him? ~Calvin and Hobbes

we spend so much time judging other people.  and ourselves.  we live in a tethered world, full of images of perfection.  and whether they are manipulated by filters or photoshop or nothing, we still see them. day in and day out.  we see everyones highlight reel on social media.  which is awesome.  i love vacation photos and birthday celebrations.  but we all fall victim to the "her life is so much better than mine".  we live and die by comparison.  we set ourselves up to be constantly disappointed if  we are not happy every single second of the day.  because it looks like everyone else IS.

believe me.  they are not.

now i am not saying that everyone suffers from mental illness.  but i do think that we all go through periods where we are sad.  where we are anxious about the future - or the present.  we all get depressed.  and some of us are even pretty manic on the regular.  a lot of us have OCD tendencies. or attention issues.  none of us are PERFECT.  and we need to stop pretending to be.  for all of our sakes.

because there are a couple of bigger issues that stem from this perfection ideal.  the first is that we exist in this fake reality where we have to pretend that everything is ok all the time.  we dont want to be "that" person.  we also dont want to make it seem like our problems are more important than anyone elses - so we just dont talk about them.  we all have friends with "real" problems.   so really, we shouldnt complain.

Human life is the source of deep suffering and gorgeous hope. 

~Henry James Slack

just because someone else might have MORE on their plate than it seems you do, it does not diminish the weight of the plate you are carrying.  comparing our burdens is not fair to any of us.  what happens is that someone with "minor" anxiety doesnt feel like they can talk about it.  it feels like a cry for attention, as opposed to what it is - an ask for help.  we are left feeling like we have no room to need help because other people have it so much worse.  its like saying you shouldnt get your sprained wrist splinted until the bone breaks and you need a cast.  both are injuries.  both require treatment.  both are significant. they are just different. 

we need to start to be able to treat mental illness like physical illness.  today i woke up super anxious.  let me call my best friend and ask for advice.  lets google solutions.  let me ask my mom or dad or aunt or husband for suggestions.  maybe i put it on facebook and ask for recommendations for a good counselor or psychologist - you  know, like i would ask for a orthopedic surgeon.

Diseases of the soul are more dangerous and more numerous than those of the body.  ~Cicero

if you ARE someone, or if you KNOW someone, who might need help - ASK. please ask.  your level of whatever you are feeling is totally VALID, and deserves attention.  and one more time, i am NOT, by any means, a professional. but i am a human being.  who loves my family and friends.  and i can state unequivocally that NOTHING is worse for your family and friends than losing you to suicide.  which unfortunately is where a good deal of unchecked, untreated, unresolved mental illness ends.  we need to remove the stigma of depression.  of anxiety.  of ocd.  and adhd.  of bipolar.  you arent upset with someone when they get cancer.  why cant we give the same level of compassion to our friends with these challenges?  why cant we rally around them?  ask them how we can help?  be there to lend a shoulder or an ear when their burden seems to heavy to carry alone?  when will they feel it is ok to reach out and ask?

i dont have any answers.  i wish i did.  i think the best thing i can do is just keep the conversation open.  keep asking my people if they need anything from me.  and asking for help when i need it. 

Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if you have to dig a little.  ~Tori Amos

i think that is the hardest part. the asking.  and i wish i knew why.  its certainly no secret when i have plantar fasciitis - i have the fit flops to prove it. which i found by asking everyone i knew what worked.  i have a daith piercing to help with my migraines.  which i found on facebook by following a friends thread.  i have come up with a host of solutions to all manner of ailments throughout my life.  none of which were ever about my mental well being. 

for someone like me, who has what i feel is a mostly normal amount of ADD, coupled with some episodes of mostly mild depression, it seems like i shouldnt reach out because i dont really NEED it. i am coping fine on my own. but what if my reaching out helps someone else who may think they are NOT normal.   or what if, when we all start removing the stigma, it makes it easier for someone who is TRULY struggling to reach out as well.  there are times when the world feels too big.  and when it feels too small.  and both are ok.  whatever it is that you are feeling is ok.  but if the way you are feeling is causing you pain, there are solutions out there.  and we cant be afraid to reach for them.

The I in illness is isolation, and the crucial letters in wellness are we.

man hands

we have a lot of interesting conversations in the gym.  A LOT.  and what i realize is that we are all coming at this fitness thing (like life) from different angles.  as a coach, its my job to bring those different angles together and make one comprehensive plan that works for everyone.  its like a giant jigsaw puzzle made up of different goals, various work ethics with a sprinkle of fun & a dash of hardcore.  add to that body types, old age, youth & competitiveness, and you have an inkling of how hard it can be to create an atmosphere and regimen that works for everyone.  if you add to that my PERSONAL goals, its even a bit tougher.  not everyone wants to do the things i want to do, or end  up in the same place as i do. or end up with "man hands".

I will annihilate the narrow margin that lies between me and my unused potency. ~Muriel Strode

to me, my rough ass ugly calloused hands are the outside embodiment of what it takes INSIDE to accomplish shit.  anything, really.  to me, THIS is what hard work looks like.  and i totally understand that it is "unfeminine".  i just dont really give a fuck.  these are MY hands.  they dont have to be soft or pretty. soft and pretty are NOT the goals.  or at least not mine.  HOWEVER.  i work in a gym with a bunch of people (men and women alike) who do NOT want hands like that.  and really, can you blame them?   i dont.  i mean, my hands ARE pretty gross.  but it took about 2 years and literally thousands of pullups and various bar work to get them like that.  so i'm running with it.

what do i do about everyone else?  where is the compromise.  like everything, its not an either/or.  either your hands look like shit or they are soft like buttercups.  there are a million spaces in between.  and thats where the fun happens. how do we find a place for everyone to fit.  just because you are not like me or want what i want doesnt mean we cant work together.  its taken me  a lot longer to learn that in the gym than in real life.  and i think its because i feel like gym people are "my" people.  so we should be the same.  i dont really expect that anywhere else, so i'm not sure why i expected in the studio.  but there you go.

Face what you think you believe and you will be surprised. ~William Hale White

so how do i marry what i want with how to help everyone else get what they want?  3 years in, and maybe i'm starting to get it.  starting.  today was kind of a watershed for me.  you see, i have some crazy people in the gym.  like me.  who want to work as hard as humanly possible all the time.  one of them is like the slowest human being alive (according to me).  and the other is the absolute fastest.  they are also my most dedicated and have been with me from pretty much jump.  so how can the 3 of us - who all work hard, and are competitive - come at the workouts so differently?  and why did it take me all this time to see it?

today i actually asked.  i let them explain to me what their thinking was behind how they attack the workouts.  and guess what?  their reasoning makes perfect sense.  its still not how i would do it.  or will probably ever do it. but now I GET IT. im hardheaded like that.  they have a philosophy and a perspective that is not mine.  and somehow i guess i figured that since its my gym, everyone should listen to me. i try to be open minded. but i am firm in my belief in how this process should work.  i spend a shitload of time on my programming, and try to consider what everyone is trying to accomplish.  ive just never really realized HOW they wanted to accomplish it.  like sure, we all want pullups.  but most of us dont want awful man hands.  so it may take longer to find a good solution - gloves or tape or whatever - that get to the result without the callouses.  and that is FINE.  i see it in the small things like that. i just didnt see it in the bigger things.

Excellence is not a skill. It is an attitude. ~Ralph Marston

if you think the way to get where you are going is to be the fastest all the time, even if it means pushing the envelope in terms of "standards" - then that is the right way FOR YOU.  if being the fastest pushes you, then that is the right answer.  if you think you have to do every movement absolutely perfectly which slows you down but makes you stronger, then that is ALSO the right answer. for you.  i have been trying to speed one up and slow one down, all with the goal of us all meeting at this perfect place where we are all fast and strong at the same time.  and it just doesnt work that way.  color me shocked! and also enlightened :)

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. ~Judy Garland

i love that i am in a place where i get to learn as much from my people as they learn from me.  we may not end up in the same place, and even if we do, we may get there a different way.  a lot like life. the common ground is in making the journey with people who care enough to stick with it with you.  we consistently joke about the tortoise and the hare in the gym.  whats the best strategy to win?  who
plans better to get the desired outcome?  i think i was just missing the part where they both showed up to the race in the first place :)

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. ~Theodore Roosevelt

to each his own

The truth is, that the craving for exercise is a part of healthy human nature. ~E. Warre, 1884

going out of town always presents a challenge for those of us who are incapable of taking the time off.  i understand that one solution would be to just REST.  but that clearly is not for everyone. especially when said travel involves stress or overeating or both :).  so.  generally i take my "lets WOD" app out and just exercise outside.  but lately i have been trying to go to different gyms, just to see what other people have going on.  consider it a busmans holiday type deal.  and this weekend i had 2 totally opposite ends of the spectrum.  which made me realize how far i have evolved on this fitness journey. neither was better than the other. one just no longer fit me.  AT ALL.

saturday morning i went to Gold's Gym.  my home away from home for YEARS.  i absolutely ADORED my time at Gold's.  and the gym in Webster that i visit is an awesome example of what Gold's gym does right.  the owner has evolved with the times.  its an amazing space.  and he is a great gym owner.  BUT.  i no longer am the kind of girl that knows how to work out at that gym.  and here is why:  no one was sweating.  now don't get me wrong, i did not take a class, nor were any going on.  i am sure those people still get their workout on.  however, the people on the gym floor - not so much. which i never thought was odd when i used to work, and workout, in that environment.

i spent years watching the back & bi, shoulder & tri crew do their thing.  i just didnt really connect that some people (or alot of people) are still doing that.  i forgot how much time said lifters spend watching their form in the mirrors - that are literally EVERYWHERE.  no wonder they dont want to sweat!  i kept catching glances of my grossly sweaty self and thinking "jesus, do i always look like this when i work out?".  clearly, the answer is yes.  which makes me doubly glad we dont have mirrors.

We have all a better guide in ourselves, if we would attend to it, than any other person can be. ~Jane Austen

mirrors might help your form.  maybe.  but they also make you self conscious.  they bring the focus back to what you LOOK like. not what you are doing. if you need a mirror to correct your form, you are not listening to the cues your body is sending you.  also, just EW. i do NOT need to be staring at myself working out.  case in point.  i'm standing on a platform, doing a fairly heavy clean and jerk.  and literally every time i catch the bar, im staring at my struggling face and thinking "do i always look this big".  which is SUPER counter-productive.  fuck.

did i say i hate mirrors in the gym? i was certified to teach every class under the sun (except yoga - because, you know, YOGA), and there was ONE CLASS you had to teach facing the mirror.  i can not for the life of me remember which one it was (maybe body combat??) because i never taught it again after the first time - zero chance i was going to stare into the mirror and try to lead a class.  Z.E.R.O.

im sure it says more about me than the gym, but this is where i am.  i felt on display.  and i know i spent more time watching other people than i ever would anywhere else.  it was strange to feel so out of place in an environment that i literally "grew up" in. i am officially no longer a box gym girl.  i probably already knew that.  but wow.  i am now completely convinced.  which is not in any way to say that they dont have value.  they do.  and if you are comfortable there - go you.  and keep on getting it.

Flowers often grow more beautifully on dung-hills than in gardens that look beautifully kept. ~Saint Francis de Sales

on the complete other end of the spectrum, i went to a local crossfit box on sunday.  it was SUPER HOT -like 95 and humid.  the floor was kind of dirty in that black flooring that can never stay clean kind of way.  i know this because we did 55 bar over burpees.  i became well acquainted with said floor. and did i say, it was hot in there?  BUT,  not a mirror in site.  dirty and sweaty were pretty much the standard.  no one watched anyone else except to make sure they were not, in fact, actually dying. i got my ass kicked by a woman 6 months pregnant - who was an absolute rockstar.  and while i am usually pretty uncomfortable in a crossfit gym as well, this time i was not. at all.  i was just so freaking happy to be somewhere where my level of sweaty grossnesss was NORMAL.

i have changed.  and what i am comfortable with has also changed. shocking, i know.  but it goes to my overall philosophy change.  STRONG is beautiful.  in order to BE strong, and to GET strong, the journey is not pretty.  it's sweaty, and dirty.  it is downright ugly in places.  because maximum effort HURTS.   i am happy when someone calls me a beast.  when i leave an entire outline of my body in sweat on the floor.  i feel accomplished when i can ring my shirt out - or when there are no dry places left to wipe my face. those things are NOT pretty.  but they ARE beautiful.  at least to me.

Your body is a flower that life let bloom.... ~Ilchi Lee

i hope everyone loves their gym.  or their box.  or their studio.  i think the most important thing is to find a place where you can be YOU.  you can get your workout on, in whatever manner helps you the most.  and it's ok if one day the place you used to be comfortable, doesnt quite fit anymore.  there is someplace out there that will fit your new attitude or perspective.  who knows, maybe one day i will actually walk into a yoga studio.  evolution and growth are always good.  and the journey is different for every one of us.  embrace it. even if it includes mirrors :)

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. ~Theodore Roosevelt