back to school

the beginning of a new school year always brings mixed feelings for me.  a healthy dose of THANK GOD we can get back to some semblance of a normal routine.  but every year with a growing amount of I CANT BELIEVE my kid is a.....  It's happiness mixed with complete and utter PANIC.  my baby is a JUNIOR this year.  when the hell did i get to this place???  my  youngest drove himself to school today.  I am officially unnecessary.

I look back and remember when THIS was the day i literally COULD NOT WAIT FOR. when i was packing lunches and rushing to carpool or the bus stop.  when i felt like a train wreck every single morning.  trying to get my kid to elementary school with matching shoes, while placating a toddler and carrying a newborn.  back when my life was as hectic as i could ever possibly imagine, i pictured TODAY.  I just wanted to get HERE.  when life would be so much EASIER.  when i could breathe easier.  sleep in.  not have to chase kids around constantly.

Having a two-year-old is like having a blender that you don't have the top for. ~Jerry Seinfeld

and now that it's here?  it's kind of sad.  i mean, i'm not gonna lie. it's WAY easier.  i dont care what anyone else says.  having independent children is just flat out easier from an organizational standpoint.  i never thought i would get to the point where i could say "let's just go" and it would actually happen.  no fuss. no packing of bags.  no cajoling or debating what movies to take in the car. even better, now if they arent ready, i can just leave anyway - and they can catch up.  its crazy.

A mother’s happiness is like a beacon, lighting up the future but reflected also on the past in the guise of fond memories. ~Honoré de Balzac

every stage has its challenges, of course.  and its benefits.  do i miss carrying those sweet babies around? absolutely.  do i miss crafting and coloring and cuddling? more than i can say. but do i miss the tantrums? or cleaning up throwup?  or fighting over homework every night?  NOPE.  not even a little.  as my boys have grown up, our relationships have evolved.  and where we are now is just as great - and as challenging - just in totally different ways.  now we get to go out for sushi, or tailgate together.  we get to discuss politics and watch game of thrones.  and we still get to fight over stupid stuff - it just doesnt seem as hard  - or overwhelming - now.

She never quite leaves her children at home, even when she doesn’t take them along. ~Margaret Culkin Banning

the interesting part now is that my kids are starting to get it.  in middle school they HATE the picture thing.  they don't want you around.  you are EMBARRASSING.  but now, they see me as a person. not just a mom.  and they all say - hurry up and get the picture ... you know you want one.  they indulge the struggle i go through - trying to let them go and be independent, but still wanting them around.

A wise woman once said to me that there are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these she said is roots, the other, wings. ~William Hodding Carter

so to all of you moms out there, ready to tear your hair out.  totally dreading the 600 school forms you have to fill out tonight.  trying to get your kids all ready for the bus at the ass crack of dawn, with lunches and homework done - take a DEEP BREATHE.  there is light at the end of the tunnel.  and you will absolutely love it when you get there.  but you will also look back and remember that those days of chaos weren't so bad.  and you were lucky to get to live every bit of all of it with them.

this year for me will be the calm before the storm.  my last one.  Josh has a tough year ahead.  lots of
AP classes, recruiting stress, SATs.  But all good stuff.  And one last breather before college applications and all the craziness of senior year.  my goal this year is just to take it all in.  enjoy every bit of it.  take lots of pictures.  be in the moment.  and find the good stuff in this stage - just like all the others.  because now that the empty nest is staring down at me, im not so sure im ready for it!

A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts. ~Washington Irving