fit is a choice

Choices are the hinges of destiny. ~Edwin Markham

there are a lot of choices we make in this life.  a million really.  and this subject is one i revisit a lot, in different ways and different blogs, because it pertains to literally every avenue of our lives.  choices.  there are a ton of parenting adages i wrote about forever in my be the sunshine blog, and every one of them is just my own singular opinion about how to get through this crazy life.  but there are  few things ive learned as ive gotten older and hopefully wiser.  and some are just reiterated over and over.

every single thing we do in this life is the result of some kind of choice we make.  and then how we react to that choice.  and then how we FEEL about it.  you choose your activity.  you choose your attitude.  clearly things dont always go the way you plan, or hope.  but ultimately your life is shaped by the series of choices you make day in and day out.  they affect your relationships, your health, your financial well-being.  everything.

Everything is something you decide to do, and there is nothing you have to do. ~Denis Waitley

why bring it up again?  we are getting ready to hit another "transition" period.  school is starting.  which means a bunch of people are getting ready to either stop or start something.  or both.  and so i think its a good time to revisit our outlook on, of course, fitness.

fit·ness noun  the condition of being physically fit and healthy.

people choose to work out for different reasons.  and i honestly dont really care what they are.  i mean, overall we could be nicer to each other about the people who do it for different reasons than we do, but generally we could be nicer to each other, period.  these are my 3 big buckets of fitness folks:  the pretty people - who work out strictly for looks; the competitors - who are trying to accomplish something serious in the gym or on a field of some kind; and pretty much everyone else - just trying to be healthy and live longer.  into those buckets fall a ton of different people.  the figure competitors and the obsessive dieters; athletes and steak heads;  parents, students, and generally anyone that has had a health scare or knows someone who has.  those are the people who work out.  GIANT generalization, i know.  

Definition of Fitness. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), physical fitness is defined as 'the ability to carry out daily tasks with vigor and alertness, without undue fatigue, and with ample energy to enjoy leisure-time pursuits and respond to emergencies.'

but there are a ton of people who dont.  and here is where i lose sympathy for the large group of people i like to classify as the "excusers".  i would BUT.  i dont have TIME.  i wish i could BUT.  i wish i LIKED it.  you are so lucky YOU can. to which i say, very sympathetically, bullshit.  i hate those excuses.  i pretty much hate ALL excuses, but the ones that make the comparisons annoy the shit out of me.  because the number one way most people justify NOT working out at all, is time.  and then they go on to make you feel like you are being selfish for taking (or making) the time to do it.  and this is where i will make the "working out" distinction. i use that term because that is what i do.  i work out.  i do not run.  ever if possible.  i dont do yoga.  or take dance.  or walk around "my neighborhood. i dont ride a bike.  or paddleboard.  or swim.  i dont do A LOT of things that are amazing forms of exercise.  because i dont want to.  not because i CANT.  because I DONT WANT TO.  but i am a huge fan of anyone who does any or all of those things.  or any of the million other things that qualify as exercise.  that help you on your quest "to carry out daily tasks with vigor and alertness".  because that, my friends, is what it is all about. living longer, or healthier, or both.

Moderate exercise is indispensable; exercise till the mind feels delight in reposing from the fatigue. ~Socrates

i have a lot of favorite people that i work out with.  but my best story in this regard is the dad who joined my gym so that he could play with his kids.  he had his kids a little later in life and just felt like he was dragging ass all the time.  his kids wore him out.  and he didnt want to be THAT dad.  thats it.  his whole reason for making the time to get healthy.  to be there, in a better way, for his kids.  he has no desire to compete.  or kick anyones ass.  he has the best attitude EVER.  because he knows that he can now do all the things he wants to do with his family.  and every time he comes back from a weekend of crazy activity, he just says "this was the best decision i ever made".  think about that. 

our health, or lack thereof, in a lot of cases is contributed to by the choices we make.  clearly i am not talking about serious medical challenges.  i mean the normal day to day health stuff.  can i walk up the stairs or do i have to take the elevator?  can i stand up and watch a game or do i need to sit?  in 5 years or even 10 years, will i be able to keep up with my kids?  or do my yardwork?  or any of the million other things you need to be in good health to do?

Health and cheerfulness are brothers. 

~Proverbs by William Hardcastle Browne, 1900

my point here is this:  embrace the idea that this is your ride.  you can always do more.  and you can always do less than what you are currently doing.  life is a balance, of course.  but if you dont take (or make) the time to take care of your body, it will not be there for you in the long run.  you dont have to be obsessive about it.  but you do have to consider it.  this time thing isnt happening TO you.  its happening AROUND you.  and you get to influence it.  you get to decide to make yourself a priority.  not just physically, but mentally too.  you get to spend time on those things that you CHOOSE to.  yes, you may need to work. and take care of your kids.  or have a long commute.  or all of that.  but somewhere, remind yourself of that old "we all have the same 24 hours" thing.  we all find time to eat, and drink.  we find time to facebook and netflix.  we find time to shop and read.  and all the other things.  that are all good things.  we should just acknowledge that a time suck is a time suck. no matter what it is.  so why not squeeze in some yoga. or running.  or walking.  you know. or the gym. 

He who has health has hope; and he who has hope has everything. 

 ~Arabic Proverb 

consider this my annual reminder to get your ass up off the couch.  with some of my favorite movie quotes to inspire you:)

"Live Long and Prosper" - Spock

“Get busy livin’, or get busy dyin’.”– Andy Dufresne

“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.” - Gandalf

"Do, or do not. There is no “try”.– Yoda

needing help

I have looked through the list of illnesses, and did not find cares or sad thoughts mentioned among them. That is a mistake, surely. 

~Georg Christoph Lichtenberg 

ill·ness noun  a disease or period of sickness affecting the body or mind.

Mental illness refers to a wide range of mental health conditions — disorders that affect your mood, thinking and behavior. 

this is a tough subject for most of us. for a lot of different reasons.  and i am by no means qualified to tackle it.  im writing about it, like everything else, to try to shed some light from my singular perspective & my own personal point of view.  so please, take this with a heavy grain of salt.

There are no facts, only interpretations. ~Friedrich Nietzsche

when we are sick - physically sick - we have zero problems talking about it.  we tell everyone who isnt nailed down that we feel crappy. we share what medicine we are taking and we ask every person we see for advise on the best way to get better.  we google.  we ask the pharmacist.  we call our mom.  we might even go see a doctor, or heaven forbid,  urgent care.  but we ACTIVELY SEEK HELP.  very few of us suffer in silence.

when a friend or family member gets a devastating diagnosis of the C variety, we immediately rally.  we set up meal trains, and raise money.  we become activists to help in the only ways we know how.  and our friends accept that help because they know they need it.  they know you can not battle something that big alone.

and if you suffer a physical challenge - big or little - you again,  seek help.  if you break a bone, you immediately get a cast.  when we pull muscles or sprain things, we commiserate with our people and try every home grown remedy known to man to get better as fast as humanly possible.  we use our village, our resources, and we talk about it. 

what we dont do is HIDE IT.

i am not sure why we treat mental illness differently.  and i am opposed in general to the term. i believe the stigma of those words - something is wrong with my brain - adds weight to the struggles associated with them in the first place.  if you suffer from anxiety, or depression, or any other emotional challenges, society has reinforced that you should be ashamed of that.  you should NOT talk about it.  you shouldnt ask for help.  you should suffer in silence, until you just cant anymore.  and i call bullshit.

Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of him? ~Calvin and Hobbes

we spend so much time judging other people.  and ourselves.  we live in a tethered world, full of images of perfection.  and whether they are manipulated by filters or photoshop or nothing, we still see them. day in and day out.  we see everyones highlight reel on social media.  which is awesome.  i love vacation photos and birthday celebrations.  but we all fall victim to the "her life is so much better than mine".  we live and die by comparison.  we set ourselves up to be constantly disappointed if  we are not happy every single second of the day.  because it looks like everyone else IS.

believe me.  they are not.

now i am not saying that everyone suffers from mental illness.  but i do think that we all go through periods where we are sad.  where we are anxious about the future - or the present.  we all get depressed.  and some of us are even pretty manic on the regular.  a lot of us have OCD tendencies. or attention issues.  none of us are PERFECT.  and we need to stop pretending to be.  for all of our sakes.

because there are a couple of bigger issues that stem from this perfection ideal.  the first is that we exist in this fake reality where we have to pretend that everything is ok all the time.  we dont want to be "that" person.  we also dont want to make it seem like our problems are more important than anyone elses - so we just dont talk about them.  we all have friends with "real" problems.   so really, we shouldnt complain.

Human life is the source of deep suffering and gorgeous hope. 

~Henry James Slack

just because someone else might have MORE on their plate than it seems you do, it does not diminish the weight of the plate you are carrying.  comparing our burdens is not fair to any of us.  what happens is that someone with "minor" anxiety doesnt feel like they can talk about it.  it feels like a cry for attention, as opposed to what it is - an ask for help.  we are left feeling like we have no room to need help because other people have it so much worse.  its like saying you shouldnt get your sprained wrist splinted until the bone breaks and you need a cast.  both are injuries.  both require treatment.  both are significant. they are just different. 

we need to start to be able to treat mental illness like physical illness.  today i woke up super anxious.  let me call my best friend and ask for advice.  lets google solutions.  let me ask my mom or dad or aunt or husband for suggestions.  maybe i put it on facebook and ask for recommendations for a good counselor or psychologist - you  know, like i would ask for a orthopedic surgeon.

Diseases of the soul are more dangerous and more numerous than those of the body.  ~Cicero

if you ARE someone, or if you KNOW someone, who might need help - ASK. please ask.  your level of whatever you are feeling is totally VALID, and deserves attention.  and one more time, i am NOT, by any means, a professional. but i am a human being.  who loves my family and friends.  and i can state unequivocally that NOTHING is worse for your family and friends than losing you to suicide.  which unfortunately is where a good deal of unchecked, untreated, unresolved mental illness ends.  we need to remove the stigma of depression.  of anxiety.  of ocd.  and adhd.  of bipolar.  you arent upset with someone when they get cancer.  why cant we give the same level of compassion to our friends with these challenges?  why cant we rally around them?  ask them how we can help?  be there to lend a shoulder or an ear when their burden seems to heavy to carry alone?  when will they feel it is ok to reach out and ask?

i dont have any answers.  i wish i did.  i think the best thing i can do is just keep the conversation open.  keep asking my people if they need anything from me.  and asking for help when i need it. 

Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if you have to dig a little.  ~Tori Amos

i think that is the hardest part. the asking.  and i wish i knew why.  its certainly no secret when i have plantar fasciitis - i have the fit flops to prove it. which i found by asking everyone i knew what worked.  i have a daith piercing to help with my migraines.  which i found on facebook by following a friends thread.  i have come up with a host of solutions to all manner of ailments throughout my life.  none of which were ever about my mental well being. 

for someone like me, who has what i feel is a mostly normal amount of ADD, coupled with some episodes of mostly mild depression, it seems like i shouldnt reach out because i dont really NEED it. i am coping fine on my own. but what if my reaching out helps someone else who may think they are NOT normal.   or what if, when we all start removing the stigma, it makes it easier for someone who is TRULY struggling to reach out as well.  there are times when the world feels too big.  and when it feels too small.  and both are ok.  whatever it is that you are feeling is ok.  but if the way you are feeling is causing you pain, there are solutions out there.  and we cant be afraid to reach for them.

The I in illness is isolation, and the crucial letters in wellness are we.

man hands

we have a lot of interesting conversations in the gym.  A LOT.  and what i realize is that we are all coming at this fitness thing (like life) from different angles.  as a coach, its my job to bring those different angles together and make one comprehensive plan that works for everyone.  its like a giant jigsaw puzzle made up of different goals, various work ethics with a sprinkle of fun & a dash of hardcore.  add to that body types, old age, youth & competitiveness, and you have an inkling of how hard it can be to create an atmosphere and regimen that works for everyone.  if you add to that my PERSONAL goals, its even a bit tougher.  not everyone wants to do the things i want to do, or end  up in the same place as i do. or end up with "man hands".

I will annihilate the narrow margin that lies between me and my unused potency. ~Muriel Strode

to me, my rough ass ugly calloused hands are the outside embodiment of what it takes INSIDE to accomplish shit.  anything, really.  to me, THIS is what hard work looks like.  and i totally understand that it is "unfeminine".  i just dont really give a fuck.  these are MY hands.  they dont have to be soft or pretty. soft and pretty are NOT the goals.  or at least not mine.  HOWEVER.  i work in a gym with a bunch of people (men and women alike) who do NOT want hands like that.  and really, can you blame them?   i dont.  i mean, my hands ARE pretty gross.  but it took about 2 years and literally thousands of pullups and various bar work to get them like that.  so i'm running with it.

what do i do about everyone else?  where is the compromise.  like everything, its not an either/or.  either your hands look like shit or they are soft like buttercups.  there are a million spaces in between.  and thats where the fun happens. how do we find a place for everyone to fit.  just because you are not like me or want what i want doesnt mean we cant work together.  its taken me  a lot longer to learn that in the gym than in real life.  and i think its because i feel like gym people are "my" people.  so we should be the same.  i dont really expect that anywhere else, so i'm not sure why i expected in the studio.  but there you go.

Face what you think you believe and you will be surprised. ~William Hale White

so how do i marry what i want with how to help everyone else get what they want?  3 years in, and maybe i'm starting to get it.  starting.  today was kind of a watershed for me.  you see, i have some crazy people in the gym.  like me.  who want to work as hard as humanly possible all the time.  one of them is like the slowest human being alive (according to me).  and the other is the absolute fastest.  they are also my most dedicated and have been with me from pretty much jump.  so how can the 3 of us - who all work hard, and are competitive - come at the workouts so differently?  and why did it take me all this time to see it?

today i actually asked.  i let them explain to me what their thinking was behind how they attack the workouts.  and guess what?  their reasoning makes perfect sense.  its still not how i would do it.  or will probably ever do it. but now I GET IT. im hardheaded like that.  they have a philosophy and a perspective that is not mine.  and somehow i guess i figured that since its my gym, everyone should listen to me. i try to be open minded. but i am firm in my belief in how this process should work.  i spend a shitload of time on my programming, and try to consider what everyone is trying to accomplish.  ive just never really realized HOW they wanted to accomplish it.  like sure, we all want pullups.  but most of us dont want awful man hands.  so it may take longer to find a good solution - gloves or tape or whatever - that get to the result without the callouses.  and that is FINE.  i see it in the small things like that. i just didnt see it in the bigger things.

Excellence is not a skill. It is an attitude. ~Ralph Marston

if you think the way to get where you are going is to be the fastest all the time, even if it means pushing the envelope in terms of "standards" - then that is the right way FOR YOU.  if being the fastest pushes you, then that is the right answer.  if you think you have to do every movement absolutely perfectly which slows you down but makes you stronger, then that is ALSO the right answer. for you.  i have been trying to speed one up and slow one down, all with the goal of us all meeting at this perfect place where we are all fast and strong at the same time.  and it just doesnt work that way.  color me shocked! and also enlightened :)

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. ~Judy Garland

i love that i am in a place where i get to learn as much from my people as they learn from me.  we may not end up in the same place, and even if we do, we may get there a different way.  a lot like life. the common ground is in making the journey with people who care enough to stick with it with you.  we consistently joke about the tortoise and the hare in the gym.  whats the best strategy to win?  who
plans better to get the desired outcome?  i think i was just missing the part where they both showed up to the race in the first place :)

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. ~Theodore Roosevelt

to each his own

The truth is, that the craving for exercise is a part of healthy human nature. ~E. Warre, 1884

going out of town always presents a challenge for those of us who are incapable of taking the time off.  i understand that one solution would be to just REST.  but that clearly is not for everyone. especially when said travel involves stress or overeating or both :).  so.  generally i take my "lets WOD" app out and just exercise outside.  but lately i have been trying to go to different gyms, just to see what other people have going on.  consider it a busmans holiday type deal.  and this weekend i had 2 totally opposite ends of the spectrum.  which made me realize how far i have evolved on this fitness journey. neither was better than the other. one just no longer fit me.  AT ALL.

saturday morning i went to Gold's Gym.  my home away from home for YEARS.  i absolutely ADORED my time at Gold's.  and the gym in Webster that i visit is an awesome example of what Gold's gym does right.  the owner has evolved with the times.  its an amazing space.  and he is a great gym owner.  BUT.  i no longer am the kind of girl that knows how to work out at that gym.  and here is why:  no one was sweating.  now don't get me wrong, i did not take a class, nor were any going on.  i am sure those people still get their workout on.  however, the people on the gym floor - not so much. which i never thought was odd when i used to work, and workout, in that environment.

i spent years watching the back & bi, shoulder & tri crew do their thing.  i just didnt really connect that some people (or alot of people) are still doing that.  i forgot how much time said lifters spend watching their form in the mirrors - that are literally EVERYWHERE.  no wonder they dont want to sweat!  i kept catching glances of my grossly sweaty self and thinking "jesus, do i always look like this when i work out?".  clearly, the answer is yes.  which makes me doubly glad we dont have mirrors.

We have all a better guide in ourselves, if we would attend to it, than any other person can be. ~Jane Austen

mirrors might help your form.  maybe.  but they also make you self conscious.  they bring the focus back to what you LOOK like. not what you are doing. if you need a mirror to correct your form, you are not listening to the cues your body is sending you.  also, just EW. i do NOT need to be staring at myself working out.  case in point.  i'm standing on a platform, doing a fairly heavy clean and jerk.  and literally every time i catch the bar, im staring at my struggling face and thinking "do i always look this big".  which is SUPER counter-productive.  fuck.

did i say i hate mirrors in the gym? i was certified to teach every class under the sun (except yoga - because, you know, YOGA), and there was ONE CLASS you had to teach facing the mirror.  i can not for the life of me remember which one it was (maybe body combat??) because i never taught it again after the first time - zero chance i was going to stare into the mirror and try to lead a class.  Z.E.R.O.

im sure it says more about me than the gym, but this is where i am.  i felt on display.  and i know i spent more time watching other people than i ever would anywhere else.  it was strange to feel so out of place in an environment that i literally "grew up" in. i am officially no longer a box gym girl.  i probably already knew that.  but wow.  i am now completely convinced.  which is not in any way to say that they dont have value.  they do.  and if you are comfortable there - go you.  and keep on getting it.

Flowers often grow more beautifully on dung-hills than in gardens that look beautifully kept. ~Saint Francis de Sales

on the complete other end of the spectrum, i went to a local crossfit box on sunday.  it was SUPER HOT -like 95 and humid.  the floor was kind of dirty in that black flooring that can never stay clean kind of way.  i know this because we did 55 bar over burpees.  i became well acquainted with said floor. and did i say, it was hot in there?  BUT,  not a mirror in site.  dirty and sweaty were pretty much the standard.  no one watched anyone else except to make sure they were not, in fact, actually dying. i got my ass kicked by a woman 6 months pregnant - who was an absolute rockstar.  and while i am usually pretty uncomfortable in a crossfit gym as well, this time i was not. at all.  i was just so freaking happy to be somewhere where my level of sweaty grossnesss was NORMAL.

i have changed.  and what i am comfortable with has also changed. shocking, i know.  but it goes to my overall philosophy change.  STRONG is beautiful.  in order to BE strong, and to GET strong, the journey is not pretty.  it's sweaty, and dirty.  it is downright ugly in places.  because maximum effort HURTS.   i am happy when someone calls me a beast.  when i leave an entire outline of my body in sweat on the floor.  i feel accomplished when i can ring my shirt out - or when there are no dry places left to wipe my face. those things are NOT pretty.  but they ARE beautiful.  at least to me.

Your body is a flower that life let bloom.... ~Ilchi Lee

i hope everyone loves their gym.  or their box.  or their studio.  i think the most important thing is to find a place where you can be YOU.  you can get your workout on, in whatever manner helps you the most.  and it's ok if one day the place you used to be comfortable, doesnt quite fit anymore.  there is someplace out there that will fit your new attitude or perspective.  who knows, maybe one day i will actually walk into a yoga studio.  evolution and growth are always good.  and the journey is different for every one of us.  embrace it. even if it includes mirrors :)

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. ~Theodore Roosevelt

the I in team

Contrary to popular belief, there most certainly is an "I" in "team." It is the same "I" that appears three times in "responsibility." ~Amber Harding

i talk a lot about competing, and it amazes me that i always learn something new.  or at least, something new jumps out at me.  this is the first big competition that we went to with more than one team.  more people means more fun, but it also means more personality, more variables and a lot more input on strategy and goals.  all good stuff, but just MORE.  and i realized as we were practicing that everyone had set different internal goals.  which is very normal.  but also very interesting when you are competing with a team.  how does the success, or failure, impact your own psyche - and what does it do to the team?  does it motivate your team to "pick you up"? or does it drag down the mojo?  you just never know.

of the 8 of us, i can tell you that everyone - to a person - said "it doesnt matter how we do.  we just want to have fun and do a good job".  and we all were totally lying.  at least to some degree.  because we wouldnt be competing if we didnt have goals.  or want to test our limits.  to measure our progress.  SOMETHING that would make the training worth it.  i mean, the camaraderie is awesome and all, but we still have something to prove - even if just to ourselves.

There's nothing like biting off more than you can chew, and then chewing anyway. ~Mark Burnett

while i would love to throw my SiB fam under the bus a bit here, i will refrain.  as always, i will use me as the example.  BUT, i know each one of them had a similar experience.  here is what i mean.  for the last year i have been focusing on getting stronger.  about 2 months ago, i noticed that my cardio just was not where i wanted it to be.  i was sacrificing cardio for heavier weight, and it was becoming very obvious in my workouts.  so i decided to change my focus.  and to try to add some extra cardio into my week.  and as always, when you change something, you get different results.

yup. dropped the bar BEHIND me

the last few competitions, i have been really pleased with my lifts.  ive lifted heavier than i expected and came home super happy.  but not so much this weekend.  i totally FAILED my second lift.  like dropped it behind me.  on a weight i absolutely think i should have been able to get.  and i just didn't get it.  which not only caused me to second guess my 3rd lift, but kind of screwed my team total in the process.  it was an epically sucky way to start the day for me.  the flip side is that two of my teammates hit their weight goals plus some.  they were totally psyched and picked up my slack.  so after 1 event, it was kind of a mixed bag in terms of how we all felt.  a couple euphoric.  a couple depressed.  and a bunch in between. 

In union there is strength. ~Aesop

on to the dreaded serpent workout.  like DREADED.  like, i chose not to do flex on the mall last year because of the serpent workout, dreaded.  and i had already shit the bed on the workout i was supposed to do well on.  so mentally i am like WTF.  and guess what?  it was ok.  it wasnt great, but it wasnt as bad as i had anticipated either.  i actually felt pretty ok. and seeing as how (mentally) cardio is not my thing, getting through that one without crying was a big deal for me :).  and come to find out, our team hare (made up of the "good" cardio peeps) came in 1st out of 91 teams in that workout.  and my team tortoise (bc, you know, we are slower) came in 3rd overall.  so we pretty much kicked that workout in the ass - as a unit.  go team SiB. and while we didnt know how well we did at the time, we all were happy to see the back end of the serpents.

workout 3 was the separator.  it was HOT.  we were exhausted.  but i think everyone felt pretty ok going into our last 16 minutes.  and then walls were hit.  some at high rates of speed, even. and even though i finished that workout feeling like i was moving at a speed consistent with walking uphill thru quicksand, i kept going.  my amazing partner and i did better than we had ever done in practice. and even though i could not appreciate it at the time, we outperformed our expectations on that event.  it just was not as glamorous as hitting that heavy weight.

Arriving at one goal is the starting point to another. ~John Dewey

i wont lie and say i wasnt disappointed initially with my performance.  that drop put a damper on my day a little bit.  and im guessing it was the same for the crew that also didnt hit their number.  but then i started to break it down and analyze the day.  i looked at pics and sent some tips.  congrats and words of encouragement to some.  and a few coaching clues to others.  what i realized doing the rehash of the day was that what we focused on for the most part, was where we saw the best results.  for the first time in forever, my focus in the gym was NOT on the lift - but on the cardio.  and, shockingly i know, that is how it played out on game day.

in hindsight, i probably should not have tried that heavier weight.  and even though i shouldnt have, i probably would do it again.  pushing the limits is part of the process for me. and learning from failure.  knowing i have a great team behind me lets me test the boundaries.  they pick up for me, and i pick up for them.  that's why im a group ex believer.  i believe in teams and partnerships over individual success.  im more disappointed that i let my team down in our overall score than i am that i didnt get the lift.  and im sure i pushed harder on 2 & 3 to make it up to them.  if i was on my own, i'm sure i would have just had a mopey, blah day after the bad lift.  i need the team. and i believe the team needs me.  and THAT is what i love about competing with them.

I am a member of a team, and I rely on the team, I defer to it and sacrifice for it, because the team, not the individual, is the ultimate champion. ~Mia Hamm

NOT the best

or, where to continue to find inspiration....

when i started SiB, i clearly was the one setting the bar.  i had spent a solid year planning and running thru the workouts before i even considered opening the studio. so i had a leg up.  i was already pretty conditioned, and i knew what the workouts would look like.  and how much work they required.

i would say that first year, maybe even in to the second, i felt pretty darn confident in my fitness level.  i was able to confidently coach and push the rest of the tribe because i was most always "in the lead".  i have always subscribed to the sports movie idioms that my family quotes at each other ad nauseam.  so bear with me, and welcome to the crazy world of the bayer family :)

"speed of the leader, speed of the gang" 
ok, this isnt a movie quote, but it should be.  and i believe it, wholeheartedly.  if you are going to ask someone to do something, you better be willing to do it yourself.  there is not a single workout in the gym that i have not done.  have i hated some of them? you bet your ass.  do i skimp on some movements when i program?  sure.  that's the benefit of running my own gym.  but i try to keep in mind, that just because i dont like/am bad at something, doesnt mean everyone is.  we ALL hate some of the things we are asked to do.  but we do them anyway. me included.  thats the only way this works.  when my crew sees me struggle, or fail, it makes it ok for them to do the same.  when i have to do movements that are difficult, it proves the point.  we are ALL still working towards something.  and we have to keep moving whether we want to or not.

"attitude reflect leadership, captain" 
that doesnt mean i am always gracious about it.  i try.  honestly.  but like everyone, i have good days and bad days.  the one thing that i try to make sure we all do is CELEBRATE success.  all the small ones.  everyday.  the gym is supposed to make us feel BETTER.  motivate us.  sometimes that motivation comes from failure, but it cant always. it mostly comes from continued successes.  small successes build over time to really impressive accomplishments.  and we need to keep that positive focus.  when i start to skew negative, it reflects immediately in the gym.  and it jerks me back.  if the team is negative or unhappy, its because i have created the atmosphere.  we are basically a big giant mirror of each other.  if people are reacting negatively to you, you should probably check what vibes you are throwing out.  i know for me, this has been one of the hardest things to accept, and regulate.  but its making me a better person for acknowledging when i get to be too harsh.

"legs feed the wolves, gentlemen"
this is my "dig deep" philosophy.  also known as, everyday is leg day in the studio.  to me, this is the defining strategy behind  my programming.  it has come in many forms over the years, but the strong survive.  doing the things you dont want to do when you dont want to do them, allows you to persevere and get the things you DO want.  everyone has limitations.  EVERYONE. some people use them as excuses or reasons why they cant.  and that is ok.  everyone lives their own lives according to what they think is best.  but i can tell you this.  the community of people i surround myself with absolutely does NOT buy into that.  your limitations are things to be overcome.  they are the challenges that motivate you to be better.  there is always someone out there worse off than you that is doing MORE.  challenges are fuel.  pushing through IS the answer.

"pain heals. chicks dig scars. glory lasts forever"

i'm 47.  i have had both my knees reconstructed.  i have had 3 children, intermittent sciatica, and all the various aches and pains associated with a lifetime of basically being human.  PAIN is just a fact of life.  and clearly there are degrees of pain.  we spend a lot (really A LOT) of time in the studio talking about the difference between discomfort and pain.  at my age, discomfort if a given.  i look like i'm 100 when i get out of bed. i limp downstairs every single morning, using both hands holding the wall and the railing. its ridiculous.  in the last year or so in my latest competitive incarnation, i have given myself not 1, but 2 concussions. i have fallen off of bars, hit myself with bars, smashed my shins on numerous boxes and ripped copious amounts of skin off various body parts.  its all a part of the process of pushing my boundaries.  because every single one of these injuries pushes me to be better.  its a stepping stone on the way to my next accomplishment. if i take off every time im hurt, i would literally never step foot in the gym again.  and thats just not the answer for me.

"you know what we get to do, brooks?  we get to play baseball"
this is the hardest for all of us aging athletes i think.  definitely for me.  i am no longer the strongest or most fit in the studio. not by a long shot.  in just 3 short years, i have been completely surpassed by the amazing men and women i am lucky enough to work out with everyday.  and it in some ways it is a hard pill to swallow.  its hard to look around and know, that while i am still doing MY best, its no longer THE best.  those damn comparisons again.  but i've learned very recently that MY best is the only standard that should matter to me. and i have my crew to thank for that.  i am LUCKY that i still get to play.  that my body still allows me to do all the things i continue to push it to do.  and i get to help other people reach for THEIR best. so as long as i still GET TO, i need to embrace it, and everyone who gets to do it with me.

thank you for that.  thank all of you on the journey with me. i appreciate your motivation, whether you realize it or not. watching you all overcome and excel continues to push me to do better.  you guys rock!

horseshoe lessons

Close don't count in baseball. Close only counts in horseshoes and grenades. Frank Robinson

im a lucky girl. i know this.  my parents are both alive and kicking, and have been married for over 50 years.  we are extremely close - as in, we live in the same neighborhood close.  and i see them all the time.  which means i often take them for granted.  and as i get older, i am trying to not do that so much.  because what should be obvious, but isnt always, is that i the older i get, the older they get too.  which in a roundabout way leads me to this little bit of vacation wisdom.

Rejoice with your family in the beautiful land of life! ~Albert Einstein

we are a competitive family.  and ironically, my mother is THE most competitive.  scarily so.  and while people laugh when i say im not really competitive - i'm really NOT, comparatively :).  what
does this have to do with anything?  mostly its just an observation about evolution.  my parents played softball when i was little.  and bowled.  duck pin, no less.  they played cards and mah-jong. which somehow didnt translate into my brain as competition - it was more like socialization, right?  that is what they did with their friends and family, so somehow i missed the competitive part. but they were definitely competing.  maybe the games changed over the years, and got less physical in nature, but i can now state with absolute certainty that my mom will still slit your throat over cards, and my dad will still bust his ass to beat you in horseshoes.  pretty cool revelation about my 71 & 75 year old parents.

To remain always young, we need only do at every age what harmonises with it. ~Max Nordau 

what does this have to do with horseshoes?  well, that's our vacation game.  and i learned quite a lot from my dad this time around.  in the cosmic, big picture sense of the word.  because he is not quite the spry young man he once was.  and you can see that his age is finally catching up with him.  and yet, he still wants to play.  isnt that the fear that we all have about getting older?  one day we wont be able to do the things we love to do.  and even if we can do them, we wont be as good as we once were. 

The older you get the stronger the wind gets — and it's always in your face. ~Jack Nicklaus

to me, my dad has always been a rockstar.  he played softball with us until he was 60.  and pitched.  he coached every team we every played, and several of my kids teams.  he has always been a competitor.  and a good one.  he's the guy you always wanted on your team.  forever.  and you can see now, at 75, that is no longer the case.  even tho in his head, it still should be.  and so, here we are.  and this is what i continue to learn from my pop:

we all have to live where we are, in our own bodies.  and those bodies are aging, every single day.  age is just a number.  until its a big number. then it really DOES impact who you are.  and what you can do.  or no longer do.  and you have to find a way to be at peace with that. 

aging may not have to be done gracefully, but it requires humor.  when your 75 year old body can no longer throw a horseshoe the length of the pit over and over again, you can either cry over it, or find it funny.  and transition gracefully from the guy carrying the team, to the guy being carried.  because the good news is that you are still on the team. 

it might be hard, but we have to appreciate each stage of the life we have.  this stage for my dad involves a lot more napping, and way less playing.  but he is still here. and able to hang out at the horseshoe pit for a couple of hours.  he can have a few beers with friends and sit in the hot tub.  it may not sound super exciting, but that's ok.  because that is where he is at this moment. 

you are always YOU, but the degrees might vary.  after a few not so stellar games (and a bit of heckling), i turned the tables and dropped some coaching on pop.  definitely not our normal way of doing things.  but i could see that he was frustrated.  and rather than continue to let him BE frustrated, i suggested some modifications.  we both had a minute of "what the fuck" about it. but then he laughed, heckled back, and made some changes.  and even hit a ringer :)

accept the evolution.  my dad jokes that he is turning into an old woman.  and he kind of is.  he is super aware that his time on this earth is limited.  he is tragically concerned with safety in all of its forms.  the ne'er do well of his youth is long gone.  his hearing is not so good.  he puts up with A LOT of "what did you say" jokes.  and with all of his grandchildren calling him JOHN to get his attention.  and that is ok.  it's all just ok.  because the alternative is to not be here.  which is just awful.  or to be bitter about the changes to his person.  when there is nothing that can be done about it.  this is the commonality.  those of us that are lucky enough to get old, will in fact get OLD.  and old is good. old is life well spent.  old is being surrounded by people who love you - even when they heckle. old is the goal.

When you look at your life, the greatest happinesses are family happinesses. ~Joyce Brothers

how does this parlay to you, and to 46 year old me?  well, no matter how old you are today, or what you can do, it wont be the same next year.  for some of you, it might be better.  age does that.  it ebbs and flows what we are good at.  so ENJOY IT.  whatever IT is.  because the next time you do it, you might not be as good.  or it might not be as fun.  the good news is, then you get to change it.

The great thing about getting older is that you don't lose all the other ages you've been. ~Madeleine L'Engle

nothing is forever, as the saying goes. embrace the body you have today.  be grateful for all the things it can do. today. and understand that the best thing you can do for yourself, and the people that love you, is embrace it.  i can promise you that in the long run, the cellulite and wrinkles wont matter. whether or not you can still throw a ball or run up the stairs wont matter.  what will matter is that you are present long enough to get there.

To us, family means putting your arms around each other and being there. ~Barbara Bush