needing help

I have looked through the list of illnesses, and did not find cares or sad thoughts mentioned among them. That is a mistake, surely. 

~Georg Christoph Lichtenberg 

ill·ness noun  a disease or period of sickness affecting the body or mind.

Mental illness refers to a wide range of mental health conditions — disorders that affect your mood, thinking and behavior. 

this is a tough subject for most of us. for a lot of different reasons.  and i am by no means qualified to tackle it.  im writing about it, like everything else, to try to shed some light from my singular perspective & my own personal point of view.  so please, take this with a heavy grain of salt.

There are no facts, only interpretations. ~Friedrich Nietzsche

when we are sick - physically sick - we have zero problems talking about it.  we tell everyone who isnt nailed down that we feel crappy. we share what medicine we are taking and we ask every person we see for advise on the best way to get better.  we google.  we ask the pharmacist.  we call our mom.  we might even go see a doctor, or heaven forbid,  urgent care.  but we ACTIVELY SEEK HELP.  very few of us suffer in silence.

when a friend or family member gets a devastating diagnosis of the C variety, we immediately rally.  we set up meal trains, and raise money.  we become activists to help in the only ways we know how.  and our friends accept that help because they know they need it.  they know you can not battle something that big alone.

and if you suffer a physical challenge - big or little - you again,  seek help.  if you break a bone, you immediately get a cast.  when we pull muscles or sprain things, we commiserate with our people and try every home grown remedy known to man to get better as fast as humanly possible.  we use our village, our resources, and we talk about it. 

what we dont do is HIDE IT.

i am not sure why we treat mental illness differently.  and i am opposed in general to the term. i believe the stigma of those words - something is wrong with my brain - adds weight to the struggles associated with them in the first place.  if you suffer from anxiety, or depression, or any other emotional challenges, society has reinforced that you should be ashamed of that.  you should NOT talk about it.  you shouldnt ask for help.  you should suffer in silence, until you just cant anymore.  and i call bullshit.

Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of him? ~Calvin and Hobbes

we spend so much time judging other people.  and ourselves.  we live in a tethered world, full of images of perfection.  and whether they are manipulated by filters or photoshop or nothing, we still see them. day in and day out.  we see everyones highlight reel on social media.  which is awesome.  i love vacation photos and birthday celebrations.  but we all fall victim to the "her life is so much better than mine".  we live and die by comparison.  we set ourselves up to be constantly disappointed if  we are not happy every single second of the day.  because it looks like everyone else IS.

believe me.  they are not.

now i am not saying that everyone suffers from mental illness.  but i do think that we all go through periods where we are sad.  where we are anxious about the future - or the present.  we all get depressed.  and some of us are even pretty manic on the regular.  a lot of us have OCD tendencies. or attention issues.  none of us are PERFECT.  and we need to stop pretending to be.  for all of our sakes.

because there are a couple of bigger issues that stem from this perfection ideal.  the first is that we exist in this fake reality where we have to pretend that everything is ok all the time.  we dont want to be "that" person.  we also dont want to make it seem like our problems are more important than anyone elses - so we just dont talk about them.  we all have friends with "real" problems.   so really, we shouldnt complain.

Human life is the source of deep suffering and gorgeous hope. 

~Henry James Slack

just because someone else might have MORE on their plate than it seems you do, it does not diminish the weight of the plate you are carrying.  comparing our burdens is not fair to any of us.  what happens is that someone with "minor" anxiety doesnt feel like they can talk about it.  it feels like a cry for attention, as opposed to what it is - an ask for help.  we are left feeling like we have no room to need help because other people have it so much worse.  its like saying you shouldnt get your sprained wrist splinted until the bone breaks and you need a cast.  both are injuries.  both require treatment.  both are significant. they are just different. 

we need to start to be able to treat mental illness like physical illness.  today i woke up super anxious.  let me call my best friend and ask for advice.  lets google solutions.  let me ask my mom or dad or aunt or husband for suggestions.  maybe i put it on facebook and ask for recommendations for a good counselor or psychologist - you  know, like i would ask for a orthopedic surgeon.

Diseases of the soul are more dangerous and more numerous than those of the body.  ~Cicero

if you ARE someone, or if you KNOW someone, who might need help - ASK. please ask.  your level of whatever you are feeling is totally VALID, and deserves attention.  and one more time, i am NOT, by any means, a professional. but i am a human being.  who loves my family and friends.  and i can state unequivocally that NOTHING is worse for your family and friends than losing you to suicide.  which unfortunately is where a good deal of unchecked, untreated, unresolved mental illness ends.  we need to remove the stigma of depression.  of anxiety.  of ocd.  and adhd.  of bipolar.  you arent upset with someone when they get cancer.  why cant we give the same level of compassion to our friends with these challenges?  why cant we rally around them?  ask them how we can help?  be there to lend a shoulder or an ear when their burden seems to heavy to carry alone?  when will they feel it is ok to reach out and ask?

i dont have any answers.  i wish i did.  i think the best thing i can do is just keep the conversation open.  keep asking my people if they need anything from me.  and asking for help when i need it. 

Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if you have to dig a little.  ~Tori Amos

i think that is the hardest part. the asking.  and i wish i knew why.  its certainly no secret when i have plantar fasciitis - i have the fit flops to prove it. which i found by asking everyone i knew what worked.  i have a daith piercing to help with my migraines.  which i found on facebook by following a friends thread.  i have come up with a host of solutions to all manner of ailments throughout my life.  none of which were ever about my mental well being. 

for someone like me, who has what i feel is a mostly normal amount of ADD, coupled with some episodes of mostly mild depression, it seems like i shouldnt reach out because i dont really NEED it. i am coping fine on my own. but what if my reaching out helps someone else who may think they are NOT normal.   or what if, when we all start removing the stigma, it makes it easier for someone who is TRULY struggling to reach out as well.  there are times when the world feels too big.  and when it feels too small.  and both are ok.  whatever it is that you are feeling is ok.  but if the way you are feeling is causing you pain, there are solutions out there.  and we cant be afraid to reach for them.

The I in illness is isolation, and the crucial letters in wellness are we.