before we get all sunshine and lighty about next year, i figured it was a good time to revisit THIS year. and how i wanted to end it. admittedly, its been a tough one for me and i am looking forward to starting another one - and soon. so i decided to do a purge. its like that day you decide to delete fb friends, except i did it to my iphone. and WOW was it super freeing.
People and their rituals. They cling to things so hard sometimes. ~Garth Stein
you know how you have contacts in your phone from like 1977? well, if you are anything like me, you do. every time i got a new phone, somehow my contacts duplicated. then they triplicated - or whatever. basically my contacts looked like a mashed up soup of the last 7 jobs ive had. i mean, why would i ever need the kitchen manager at Olde Towne Inn's number ever again? why did i not delete that like 4 years ago? because iphones suck and you have to delete contacts one at a freaking time. and then i just forget about it, get frustrated (shocker) and just ignore the 7 tons of repetitive and unnecessary shit in my phone.
not today people. i downloaded a de-dupe app AND a multi-contact deleter! and took that number from like 2403 down to 612. can i get a hell, yeah?? why do any of you care? you probably dont. and thats cool. BUT i mention it because now is a great time to do that once a year refresh. re-evaluate even. are you dragging a bunch of shit around because its just easier than trying to address it all? i know i am. so this was the first step.
I will not carry a thing to its culmination simply because I entered in. I may have said I wanted it, but I will have the courage to say, "I have changed my mind." ~Muriel Strode
and its kind of scary, giving up all that information, right? like what if i needed for some ungodly reason to reach out the bodypump instructor i hired in 2004? i might need her at some point in the future. even though i wont. and havent used that number in 6 years. i mean, i MIGHT. what if someone asked me for her number and i didnt have it anymore? those are the dumb ass reasons i still have (or had) all of my world gym instructors, sysco contacts & every softball or soccer team member ever. WHY? if i havent used the number like THIS YEAR, why do i need it? what kind of security blanket is that? or is it just laziness? i think probably both.
so im starting fresh. my actual daily work contacts. my current gym contacts. family. friends. that's it. yay. and i think its the start of a real purge. emotionally. why am i dragging around baggage from last year, or 5 years ago. or god forbid 10. its totally unnecessary. and its fucking heavy. and im tired. 2018 tried to see how much i could carry without dropping anything. and the answer is alot. too much really. why do i have to carry all of it, when most of it isnt remotely necessary? the answer is, i dont. if i took one thing away from 2018, its that i no longer have the energy or the capacity to run on all cyclinders all day every day. i tried. believe me. and im just not going to do it anymore.
When the winds of change blow, some people build walls and others build windmills. ~Chinese Proverb
hence the merge and delete. i mean physically it was pretty easy (after i found the right apps). emotionally will be a little different. but im on a quest for it. i need to find the inner balance that comes from assuming only the responsibilities that are mine. you can all carry your own shit. and really, i did this to myself. i know that. and am perfectly aware of it. im also aware that this was a mean year. to me and by me. i lost my sense of humor somewhere this spring and am still searching for it. somewhere this year i traded keeping the wheels turning for being happy. and it happens so slowly its hard to recognize exactly when or where i lost my way.
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl
this is a long winded way of saying, re-evaluation and reflection is good. it may not fix anything. but it might. if nothing else, it feels a bit like i cleaned a closet that had shoes in it from 1984. which should probably be next on my list.
merge & delete, people. i highly recommend. clean-slate 2019 is almost here.
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