resolutions are dumb

Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right. ~Oprah Winfrey 

New Years resolutions are the absolute worst thing in the world.  it's like you decide on the very first day of the year to set yourself up for failure.  in what way is that a good thing?  lets be honest.  if you have not been able to modify your behavior at any point in the last, oh say YEAR, why is January 1st going to be any different?  and why do we need a date on the calendar to attempt to get our shit together?  let's just not, shall we?

how about you decide to set some realistic expectations for yourself in this brand new year?  try not to set the bar so high that you are doomed to suicidal thoughts in 30 days.  why dont we talk about that stupid "bar".  and who gets to decide where it is?  i mean clearly, we can lower it below ground level for our president, so why should you keep raising it
for yourself?  it is totally okay to expect MORE of yourself.  and others.  but you cant keep moving the bar on yourself. or them.  it creates a cycle of failure and defeat, both mentally and often physically.  we move the goalposts anytime we get near them.  isnt the goal to actually reach them? it's okay if they shift because you WANT them to.  but not because the shift in societal trend demands it.

Not everything that is more difficult is more meritorious. ~Saint Thomas Aquinas

i have lots of examples, but lets start with the easiest....FOOD.  i cant tell you how many posts ive seen this week saying some version of "this is the last week of sugar, soda, carbs, bread, dessert, blah blah blah".  like all of the sudden, january first, you are going to gain superhero willpower and NEVER EAT YOUR FAVORITE THING AGAIN.  um, hello.  not happening. and if you are expecting it to, you are setting yourself up for failure.  again.  i know there are people out there capable of this cold turkey method - but not many.  and WHY?  why would you set out to make yourself absolutely miserable?  are you torturing yourself eating those things?  if its adversely affecting your health, then yeah - maybe quitting is what you need.  but if you just want to look better and you think starving yourself is going to get you there - its not.

what depriving yourself is going to do is make you mean.  and unhappy.  maybe 6 weeks to 3 months from now, you will look better. but you may not have any friends left.  OR it wont have made a difference AND you still wont have any friends left.  seriously, why do that to yourself?  if you are serious about weight loss or looking better (which seem to be the only 2 things people care about in january), MAKE A PLAN.  get some advice, set realistic weekly/monthly expectations, and then diligently work towards your goal.  deprivation is not some overnight magic pill.  its a recipe for disaster.  and why is getting skinnier the most pervasive new years resolution anyway?  i hate that.

I am beginning to measure myself in strength, not pounds. Sometimes in smiles. ~Laurie Halse Anderson

lets be smarter this year.  if you need coffee to live, dont give it up all at once.  step it down gradually.  figure out how to live without it before you remove it from your life entirely.  same with sugar. or bread.  or what the fuck ever you are going to "give up" this year.  i still dont think you need to give up anything - unless its actually harming you or your health, but i get it.  so dont set yourself up for failure. again.  limit your intake.  and do something positive to go along with it.  only drink 2 cups of coffee in the morning.  and the next time you reach for it, have a glass of water and write down WHY you cant have the other cup of coffee.  or why you think you cant.  you know what i mean.  clearly i use coffee bc its my thing, but you get my point.

if you are going to have a negative new years resolution, i would encourage you to also have a positive one.  if you give up sugar, what do you get?  i am not going to eat donuts anymore BUT i get to read for 30 minutes everyday without feeling guilty.  it cant all be negative.  WHY are doing this thing to yourself?  i mean, whats the ultimate goal?  to wear a better bathing suit?  then how else can you help yourself reach that goal that will make you feel BETTER, not worse?  meditate?  download a yoga app.  do some pushups.  i dont know that answer, but YOU should.  do something that makes you feel GOOD about not eating the donuts.  not just miserable without them.

The vision must be followed by the venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps — we must step up the stairs. ~Vance Havner

OR.  dont give them up.  you love them.  they make you happy.  so keep that door open. i will only eat donuts on sundays.  yay.  win/win.  then you still get to have donuts.  and keep your sanity.  and your loved ones.  dont set that bar so high you cant succeed.  set it where you know you can reach it.  then feel good about it.  you can decide to move it later if you want.

so this year, at the gym, i instituted a paper calendar tracking method.  we signed the days we worked out.  easy.  it was a great motivator for many of us.  it kept us accountable to ourselves and each other.  BUT.  now the "bar" is at 300 days.  can i realistically move that bar?  and am i a failure if i dont?  i think the answer is no.  thats where the bar IS.  at 300.  its a realistic goal because i already did it. why would i make it harder to reach next year?  is that even fair, emotionally, to put that kind of pressure on myself?  i averaged 5.7 workouts a week ALL FREAKING YEAR.  i absolutely have to be ok/proud of that.  so the goal then is just to repeat it, right?  and thats ok.  it doesnt always have to be more/better.  or skinnier.  we've talked about skinnier, right?

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results. ~Jack Dixon

what i hope for all of you, and myself, in 2019 is motivation.  what drives you?  work towards that.  feel better about yourself because you are tackling a realistic goal.  something you KNOW you can accomplish.  it can be hard.  hard is good.  but dont go into it knowing you will fail.  i can honestly say to every one of you, if you have not worked out or eaten right all year, you are not all of the sudden going to find the motivation that you lacked last year.  baby steps, people.  now, i am firm believer in separating the food from the workout.  trust me. pick one and start with that.  sore AND hungry is a recipe for disaster.  no truer words have i ever spoken.

I think in terms of the day's resolutions, not the years'. ~Henry Moore

lets all look forward to 2019.  dont go into it with dread, knowing you can no longer have your favorite thing.  thats a shitty way to start a year.  embrace something positive.  change is good.  if you want to be skinnier, go for it. but set yourself up to succeed.  plan for it.  decide how to be accountable.  find the positive in the process.  life is too short to be miserable.  and i dont think any of us need MORE negatives.  look forward to the new year. let it be the year you reach a goal.  even if that goal is a small one.  achievement and success spread and grow.  grow with them this year.