resolutions are dumb

Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right. ~Oprah Winfrey 

New Years resolutions are the absolute worst thing in the world.  it's like you decide on the very first day of the year to set yourself up for failure.  in what way is that a good thing?  lets be honest.  if you have not been able to modify your behavior at any point in the last, oh say YEAR, why is January 1st going to be any different?  and why do we need a date on the calendar to attempt to get our shit together?  let's just not, shall we?

how about you decide to set some realistic expectations for yourself in this brand new year?  try not to set the bar so high that you are doomed to suicidal thoughts in 30 days.  why dont we talk about that stupid "bar".  and who gets to decide where it is?  i mean clearly, we can lower it below ground level for our president, so why should you keep raising it
for yourself?  it is totally okay to expect MORE of yourself.  and others.  but you cant keep moving the bar on yourself. or them.  it creates a cycle of failure and defeat, both mentally and often physically.  we move the goalposts anytime we get near them.  isnt the goal to actually reach them? it's okay if they shift because you WANT them to.  but not because the shift in societal trend demands it.

Not everything that is more difficult is more meritorious. ~Saint Thomas Aquinas

i have lots of examples, but lets start with the easiest....FOOD.  i cant tell you how many posts ive seen this week saying some version of "this is the last week of sugar, soda, carbs, bread, dessert, blah blah blah".  like all of the sudden, january first, you are going to gain superhero willpower and NEVER EAT YOUR FAVORITE THING AGAIN.  um, hello.  not happening. and if you are expecting it to, you are setting yourself up for failure.  again.  i know there are people out there capable of this cold turkey method - but not many.  and WHY?  why would you set out to make yourself absolutely miserable?  are you torturing yourself eating those things?  if its adversely affecting your health, then yeah - maybe quitting is what you need.  but if you just want to look better and you think starving yourself is going to get you there - its not.

what depriving yourself is going to do is make you mean.  and unhappy.  maybe 6 weeks to 3 months from now, you will look better. but you may not have any friends left.  OR it wont have made a difference AND you still wont have any friends left.  seriously, why do that to yourself?  if you are serious about weight loss or looking better (which seem to be the only 2 things people care about in january), MAKE A PLAN.  get some advice, set realistic weekly/monthly expectations, and then diligently work towards your goal.  deprivation is not some overnight magic pill.  its a recipe for disaster.  and why is getting skinnier the most pervasive new years resolution anyway?  i hate that.

I am beginning to measure myself in strength, not pounds. Sometimes in smiles. ~Laurie Halse Anderson

lets be smarter this year.  if you need coffee to live, dont give it up all at once.  step it down gradually.  figure out how to live without it before you remove it from your life entirely.  same with sugar. or bread.  or what the fuck ever you are going to "give up" this year.  i still dont think you need to give up anything - unless its actually harming you or your health, but i get it.  so dont set yourself up for failure. again.  limit your intake.  and do something positive to go along with it.  only drink 2 cups of coffee in the morning.  and the next time you reach for it, have a glass of water and write down WHY you cant have the other cup of coffee.  or why you think you cant.  you know what i mean.  clearly i use coffee bc its my thing, but you get my point.

if you are going to have a negative new years resolution, i would encourage you to also have a positive one.  if you give up sugar, what do you get?  i am not going to eat donuts anymore BUT i get to read for 30 minutes everyday without feeling guilty.  it cant all be negative.  WHY are doing this thing to yourself?  i mean, whats the ultimate goal?  to wear a better bathing suit?  then how else can you help yourself reach that goal that will make you feel BETTER, not worse?  meditate?  download a yoga app.  do some pushups.  i dont know that answer, but YOU should.  do something that makes you feel GOOD about not eating the donuts.  not just miserable without them.

The vision must be followed by the venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps — we must step up the stairs. ~Vance Havner

OR.  dont give them up.  you love them.  they make you happy.  so keep that door open. i will only eat donuts on sundays.  yay.  win/win.  then you still get to have donuts.  and keep your sanity.  and your loved ones.  dont set that bar so high you cant succeed.  set it where you know you can reach it.  then feel good about it.  you can decide to move it later if you want.

so this year, at the gym, i instituted a paper calendar tracking method.  we signed the days we worked out.  easy.  it was a great motivator for many of us.  it kept us accountable to ourselves and each other.  BUT.  now the "bar" is at 300 days.  can i realistically move that bar?  and am i a failure if i dont?  i think the answer is no.  thats where the bar IS.  at 300.  its a realistic goal because i already did it. why would i make it harder to reach next year?  is that even fair, emotionally, to put that kind of pressure on myself?  i averaged 5.7 workouts a week ALL FREAKING YEAR.  i absolutely have to be ok/proud of that.  so the goal then is just to repeat it, right?  and thats ok.  it doesnt always have to be more/better.  or skinnier.  we've talked about skinnier, right?

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results. ~Jack Dixon

what i hope for all of you, and myself, in 2019 is motivation.  what drives you?  work towards that.  feel better about yourself because you are tackling a realistic goal.  something you KNOW you can accomplish.  it can be hard.  hard is good.  but dont go into it knowing you will fail.  i can honestly say to every one of you, if you have not worked out or eaten right all year, you are not all of the sudden going to find the motivation that you lacked last year.  baby steps, people.  now, i am firm believer in separating the food from the workout.  trust me. pick one and start with that.  sore AND hungry is a recipe for disaster.  no truer words have i ever spoken.

I think in terms of the day's resolutions, not the years'. ~Henry Moore

lets all look forward to 2019.  dont go into it with dread, knowing you can no longer have your favorite thing.  thats a shitty way to start a year.  embrace something positive.  change is good.  if you want to be skinnier, go for it. but set yourself up to succeed.  plan for it.  decide how to be accountable.  find the positive in the process.  life is too short to be miserable.  and i dont think any of us need MORE negatives.  look forward to the new year. let it be the year you reach a goal.  even if that goal is a small one.  achievement and success spread and grow.  grow with them this year.

It's not about athleticism

This week i have had the pleasure of watching a handful of my college athletes return to the fold while they are home for break.  and in watching them,  i realized a few things that maybe we all need to understand about the gym, life, and what it takes to be successful.  of course, i'm going to start with the gym.  isnt that where it always starts for me?

I've got a theory that if you give 100 percent all of the time, somehow things will work out in the end. ~Larry Bird

my gym is not for the faint of heart.  both by intent, and by result of my clientele.  i have had many a person offer me words of wisdom on how to "grow" my business.  but what most people dont understand about SiB is that its NOT a business.  its my passion.  it fills a void for me, and others like me, that i couldnt find anywhere else in the fitness community.  SiB is not about lowering the level to bring in more people.  its about building people to rise to the level.  and that is not to say we are better at anything.  there are better athletes and stronger people virtually everywhere.  what sets us apart is the MINDSET of the people who want to be there.  if you are looking for easy, we are not for you.  WE, not the gym.  SiB is the people.  and what all of those people have in common, aside from a small (or large) amount of crazy, is the desire to continually push their personal boundaries.  there is no "status quo" here.  only the desire to keep pushing.

“The key is not the will to win… everybody has that. It is the will to prepare to win that is important.”  Bobby Knight

how does that relate?  or happen even?  it struck me watching these kids.  these college athletes, and college bound athletes, who have a drive that can not be taught.  you have it or you dont.  that drive is what we all have in common.  it is not about athleticism.  there are millions of athletes. and better ones than i know.  what sets the competitors above the rest is heart.  and drive.  and SELF motivation.  to do the things most people just do not, or will not, do.  it takes a special kind of mentality to make yourself do the hard thing.  to push yourself to be better when you may already be better than those around you.

when i tell people that SiB is not for everyone, i mean it.  and it is in no way meant to be an insult or a criticism.  what we do, for the most part, is NOT fun.  it has its moments for sure.  but mostly, it is a necessary part of WHO we are.  the mindset at SiB is that there is no such thing as "too" hard.  its ALL hard.  its supposed to be.  because pushing through the hard things is how we handle LIFE.  its as much a mental workout as a physical one.  i may not want to do this, but i am going to anyway.  it sounds kind of brutal when i write it out.  but its true.  the heart of the gym is the competition we feel daily.  with ourselves and with the rest of the crew.  to be BETTER.  to push HARDER.  to compete. and feel successful.  you have accomplished something when you leave SiB.  and you should feel good about that, even when your legs are still shaking.

“Don’t measure yourself by what you have accomplished, but by what you should have accomplished with your ability.” John Wooden

i often find myself in the position of saying some version of "everyday is leg day at SiB".  and it is. which stems from my own personal experiences with fitness.  most days are also core and arm day as well.  but i live and die by my favorite quote from Miracle....."legs feed the wolves, gentlemen".  and they do.  both in reality and mentally.  DRIVE is everything.  in sports your drive comes from your legs.  its your power source.  the stronger they are, the better YOU are.  and same with your life.  a strong drive - to succeed, to be kind, to kick ass - whatever it is for, the stronger it is, the better.  it's  a strange kind of deni concept, but there you go.  I am not going to push you.  YOU have to push you.  if you need me to hold your hand thru a workout, this is not the place for you.  because it is TOO HARD if you are not all in.  the work has to be worth it TO YOU to make any progress.  i will provide the vehicle to help you, but YOU have to provide the gas.

as i watched one of the young men make us all want to throw up while he was doing sprints on the assault bike (with his headphones on), completely in his own world, all i could think of was "where does THAT come from?"  THAT thing that some people have and some people dont, that makes you just keep pushing and pushing your limits.  its the heart of the competitor and if i could bottle it, id be a bazillionaire.  its amazing to watch, and its easy to recognize when you see it.    luckily for me, i see it alot.  and its not always in the "best" athletes.  it doesnt have to be.  believe me.  there are plenty of amazing athletes that DONT have it.  that slide by on talent.   i can appreciate talent.  its also fun to watch.  but i will ALWAYS choose drive over it.  and if you've got both, there's no stopping you.

It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it. Lou Holtz

well.  except for injury.  which is another place you get to see it.  how do you deal with those injuries?  we all get them. some are serious.  some arent.  but how you deal with them ultimately is one of those defining things.  let me tell you that NO ONE - i mean NO ONE - likes the assault bike. but when you are injured and need to keep your cardio, you have 2 choices - swim or bike.  well, maybe 3.  you can wait it out.  you can become one of those "i have bad knees/shoulders/feet/whatever" people.  those people are the ones that wont like SiB.  and believe me, we have alot of those issues. the difference is how you deal with them.  if you want to modify, great.  if you feel you can push thru, great.  if you want to use them as an excuse, we are not for you.  and im not judging you or hating on you.  im just being honest.  hard work is THE answer.  often it is the ONLY answer.

so i harken back to the good old Brown University Pizzatola, where all of the athletes would jockey for the 2, yes 2, stairmasters that were available in the varsity weight room.  for all of us.  yes, i said 2.  but i digress.  you could not go into that gym and find a time when someone was not on BOTH of those damn things.  we LIVED on them.  and that assault bike workout today reminded me of that.  30 years ago (yes, 30), i started on this path.  fighting for every bit of cardio i could get along the way.  2 a days in college, gym before (and sometimes after) work when i graduated.  teaching 14 classes a week for years and years when my kids were little.  not because anyone was making me.  because I was making me.  because, to me, it is necessary.  and FOR me, it is.  that is who SiB is for.

To conquer oneself is a greater task than conquering others. ~Buddha

i laughed typing that because, as always, im the example.  i am NOT the most athletic person in my family - either of them.  but between the 5 of us, we all have different variations of the athletic/motivated dichotomy.  Kris is definitely more talented.  but im pretty sure he was NOT one of those kids waiting in line for the stairmaster :).  and he was still a more "successful" college athlete. so all of this is not to say anyone HAS to work like this.  or want to.  there are a TON of successful people out there without this crazy drive.  or maybe i should have just stopped with the "crazy". 

as i venture into 2019, i look back at what the last 5 years has brought into my life as SiB has grown.  i am so proud that the kids who i tortured training in high school walk back in, give me a hug, and get right back to work.  this is a family.  its a versatile, admittedly crazy, bickering, competitive family.  and that's what makes it so great.  it feels just like home.  maybe you should be worried for my boys :)

No man who is occupied in doing a very difficult thing, and doing it very well, ever loses his self-respect.  ~George Bernard Shaw

merge & delete

before we get all sunshine and lighty about next year, i figured it was a good time to revisit THIS year.  and how i wanted to end it.  admittedly, its been a tough one for me and i am looking forward to starting another one - and soon.  so i decided to do a purge.  its like that day you decide to delete fb friends, except i did it to my iphone.  and WOW was it super freeing.

People and their rituals. They cling to things so hard sometimes. ~Garth Stein

you know how you have contacts in your phone from like 1977?  well, if you are anything like me, you do.  every time i got a new phone, somehow my contacts duplicated.  then they triplicated - or whatever.  basically my contacts looked like a mashed up soup of the last 7 jobs ive had.  i mean, why would i ever need the kitchen manager at Olde Towne Inn's number ever again?  why did i not delete that like 4 years ago?  because iphones suck and you have to delete contacts one at a freaking time.  and then i just forget about it, get frustrated (shocker) and just ignore the 7 tons of repetitive and unnecessary shit in my phone.

not today people.  i downloaded a de-dupe app AND a multi-contact deleter!  and took that number from like 2403 down to 612.  can i get a hell, yeah??  why do any of you care?  you probably dont.  and thats cool.  BUT i mention it because now is a great time to do that once a year refresh.  re-evaluate even.  are you dragging a bunch of shit around because its just easier than trying to address it all?  i know i am.  so this was the first step. 

I will not carry a thing to its culmination simply because I entered in. I may have said I wanted it, but I will have the courage to say, "I have changed my mind." ~Muriel Strode

and its kind of scary, giving up all that information, right?  like what if i needed for some ungodly reason to reach out the bodypump instructor i hired in 2004?  i might need her at some point in the future.  even though i wont.  and havent used that number in 6 years.  i mean, i MIGHT.  what if someone asked me for her number and i didnt have it anymore?  those are the dumb ass reasons i still have (or had) all of my world gym instructors, sysco contacts & every softball or soccer team member ever. WHY?  if i havent used the number like THIS YEAR, why do i need it?  what kind of security blanket is that?  or is it just laziness?  i think probably both.

so im starting fresh.  my actual daily work contacts.  my current gym contacts.  family. friends.  that's it.  yay.  and i think its the start of a real purge.  emotionally.  why am i dragging around baggage from last year, or 5 years ago.  or god forbid 10.  its totally unnecessary. and its fucking heavy.  and im tired.  2018 tried to see how much i could carry without dropping anything.  and the answer is alot.  too much really.  why do i have to carry all of it, when most of it isnt remotely necessary?  the answer is, i dont.  if i took one thing away from 2018, its that i no longer have the energy or the capacity to run on all cyclinders all day every day.  i tried.  believe me.  and im just not going to do it anymore.

When the winds of change blow, some people build walls and others build windmills. ~Chinese Proverb

hence the merge and delete. i mean physically it was pretty easy (after i found the right apps).  emotionally will be a little different.  but im on a quest for it.  i need to find the inner balance that comes from assuming only the responsibilities that are mine.  you can all carry your own shit.  and really,  i did this to myself.  i know that.  and am perfectly aware of it.  im also aware that this was a mean year.  to me and by me.  i lost my sense of humor somewhere this spring and am still searching for it.  somewhere this year i traded keeping the wheels turning for being happy.  and it happens so slowly its hard to recognize exactly when or where i lost my way.

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl

this is a long winded way of saying, re-evaluation and reflection is good.  it may not fix anything.  but it might.  if nothing else, it feels a bit like i cleaned a closet that had shoes in it from 1984.  which should probably be next on my list.

merge & delete, people. i highly recommend.  clean-slate 2019 is almost here.