The last one to go

Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid. ~Frederick Buechner

Its crazy to me that THIS is where my blogs will finally merge.  Generally my life stuff goes into Be the Sunshine and my gym stuff lives here.  They cross over a bit, but for the most part i try to stay in the right lane. Except today, of all days, they slammed into each other.  Because today was Josh's last day at SiB.  At least as a "regular".  And boy, is THAT hard to write.  Im not sure I realized just how much of SiB was tied into Josh, lacrosse & his friends until now.  Now that they are all off to college.

Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.  ~Chinese proverb

So here, finally, is the convergence of my gym life crashing into home.  Cue the days of crying ahead.  It's hard when any of your kids leave.  It was no less emotional for me when Jake & Luke left. I have all the same concerns and sadness, and excitement for them.  And I'm so proud of them.  I think i have them all pretty much the same advice.  But on this last go 'round, it just seems a bit harder.  Maybe because its another one of those final lasts on the journey of growing your people up.

The good news is that I've learned that you never stop parenting.  Even when your kids are grown and gone, they still need you.  So i know that there is some solace in that, especially for you guys sending your first kids off.  My grown kids are awesome, and i still talk to them mostly every day - or every week.  They still come home for the good stuff, and when i need them to.  It's not the same, it never will be, but it IS ok.  We will make it through.  But none of that makes saying goodbye (for now) any easier.

To live in this world, you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go. ~Mary Oliver

Josh is not only my baby boy, he is also my gym guinea pig.  I started offering the group conditioning

classes for the boys when he was in middle school - mostly for that group of guys.  It transitioned into lacrosse team training when Jake & Luke were in high school.  But Josh's group definitely benefited the most from the evolution of SiB.  What he needed, what his team needed, those principles became the backbone for the programming.  How could I help the kids perform better, longer and with less injury? The muscular endurance part stemmed from the need to help these kids succeed.  And when Josh needed to put weight on, we pushed through the barbell programming. It wasnt all because of him, dont get me wrong.  But the things HE needed definitely influenced the direction of the thought process behind SiB.  And in helping him get better, we all got stronger together.

Good for the body is the work of the body, and good for the soul is the work of the soul, and good for either is the work of the other. ~Henry David Thoreau

So as he, and JT, Dean, Merlon & Mike & all the other kids that have come thru SiB over the years, leave for school, here are some of the things I have learned after all the send-offs.  Some are the same, and some have changed as I have watched my older boys grow into men through this experience:

Education is not preparation for life; education is life itself.  ~John Dewey

Go to class.  always.  no matter what.  sick, tired, hungover (im not saying thats ok, but seriously).  if you go to class, you will be ok.  you cant NOT go and expect to succeed.  just trust me on this. SHOWING UP is what is important.

Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can. ~Danny Kaye

Have fun.  soak up all the experiences.  dont sit in your room and play xbox every day.  there is more out there to see and do.  sure play xbox with your friends from home.  stay in touch.  but do new things too.

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. ~Aristotle

Participate.  There is a lot going on in the world right now.  Pay attention.  Life can either happen AT you, or with you.  Keep your eyes open and LISTEN to other people.  This is the best time to see how other people view things. Keep an open mind.  Be a citizen of the world.  Everything is not about YOU.  You are just a single part of the whole.  It's important that you do YOUR part, and recognize that other people are also doing theirs.

I believe that every right implies a responsibility; every opportunity, an obligation; every possession, a duty. ~John D. Rockefeller, Jr.

Don't be THAT guy.  In sports and in life.  Be mindful.  Do what you say you are going to do.  Follow thru.  SHOW UP.   Be prepared.  Exceed expecations.  Don't take the easy way out.  The bare minimum is NOT the standard you should be applying.  In school, in sports or in life.  Integrity and commitment matter.  Be the guy that does the work.

Smart people do stupid things, but they don't do them again to make sure. ~Robert Brault

Be True.  To you. To your family.  Your friends.  You wont always do the right thing.  No one is perfect.  Own your mistakes.  Take responsibility.  And learn from it.  You grow through ALL the experiences, not just the good ones.  Allowing yourself the room to make mistakes. It happens. All you can do is ride it out and make a better choice the next time.

Where we love is home,

Home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts.

~Oliver Wendell Holmes

Call your MOM.  & your dad.  Snap your brothers.  Text your grandparents.  Keep in touch with the people who knew you when.  Your support system is ALWAYS there for you.  You need them.  AND THEY NEED YOU.  Everyone wants you to embrace new things.  Meet new people.  Step out into the great new world, but keep a toe in the one you left behind.  Your family is your rock - no matter what.  Don't lose that connection while you are away.

Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you.  

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

There is no finish line.  I think one of the hardest things to know and learn is that you are never "there".  There is always someplace you need to get to.  You invest incredible amounts of time and energy, studying, lifting, running, practicing to get to college.  To play at the next level.  And then guess what?  You have to keep on getting it.  Stay strong.  Mentally and Physically.  Treat yourself right.  You worked so hard to get here.  Enjoy it, but also keep on doing all those things that made it happen.

The whole purpose of education is to turn mirrors into windows. 

~Sydney J. Harris

There is no finish line for SiB either. I guess that is what i have to learn.  My boys are done.  We did it.  But in the process, we built a community.  And that community will keep on going.  We will continue to get stronger, and push each other.  Hopefully we will help another group of young men and women find their path.  I know that is true.  Today, it just feels hard to think about.  Im not exactly where the programming goes from here.  I just know that I, like the boys, need to just keep going.  Embrace the next step.  Love all the people who come my way.  And keep in touch with all those moving on.

Be loyal to what you love, be true to the earth, fight your enemies with passion and laughter. ~Edward Abbey

I love all my SiB people.  But especially my boys. They have taught me so much.  Kept me motivated when I was tempted to give it all up. Gave me a reason to embrace my dream.  And I am not exactly sure what I am going to do without them.  I guess the good news is that they come back around.  And we will be here waiting for them.

Community & Competition

Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. ~John Wooden

I spend a lot of time dissecting why we compete, what it does for us as a gym and me personally.  But today i had another one of those epiphanies, while i was silently hiding and crying in the back of the studio.  The competitions give the gym a purpose, and a common ground to build on.  Over and above the normal i need to get in shape, want to be healthy thing.  And obviously those are big ones.  But the comps are something altogether different.  And here is why....

Most of us dont know exactly what we are capable of.  We have preconceived ideas of our own limitations.  Whether we put those on ourselves, or we have absorbed them from outside sources, we all have a little voice inside that DOUBTS what we can do.  Especially as you get older.  Or have some kind of chronic pain.  Or struggle with weight.  Whatever the issue is, somewhere along the line you have heard that those are reasons why you CANT do something.  Or maybe shouldnt.  I dont know, maybe you really shouldnt - but how do you KNOW unless you try?

There are many wonderful things that will never be done if you do not do them. ~Charles D. Gill

When i started SiB, clearly i wanted to work out and couldnt find the right fit for what i was trying to do.  But ultimately, what i was really trying to do was find my people.  I had my people for years at Gold's and floundered fitness-wise for a long time after it closed.  And without really meaning to, but happily and coincidentally, people who like to work out like i do found my gym and brought that community with them.  Why is that such a big deal?  its a gym.  And maybe that is what it started out as.  But now it is so much more than that.

It's really pretty funny because most of us dont have a lot in common OUT of the gym.  Very few of us knew each other or were friends before joining SiB.  Its just kind of organically grown from the kids training, to the parents, to friends of friends.  But even my kids that train arent close outside of the gym.  What we ALL have in common now IS the GYM.  and strangely enough, that's enough to create this crazy awesome community that i totally rely on and love.

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one. ~Jane Howard

Why does any of this matter?  Because when you put a bunch of people together who have the same passion for something, magic happens.  I didnt quite get that before.  Today it really hit home.  Because every single person in the studio today worked their tails off and wanted to win (of course), but spent the majority of their time screaming at the top of their lungs cheering for someone else.  We ALL won today.  Because every single person laid it all out there, and did more than they thought they could.  I had more people tell me today that they were "so happy" for or "so proud" of
themselves.  And then "so impressed" with any number of other people.  Smiles abounded, even after the requisite i think i might throw up aftermath.  It was just flat out awesome.

Because EVERYONE wanted the same thing.  Not just THEIR success. but success for the entire community.  And even if i still am trying to win,  i want YOU to also do your very best to beat me.  THAT is how we all get better.  and find out what we are capable of.  I can guarantee you that everyone today feels more empowered by what they accomplished.  and what they helped each other to accomplish.  i couldnt love that more.  And that is why competing is important.  We learn how to push, find our limits & encourage our friends to also find theirs.  It is not about ticking a box, but about EXPANDING the limits of the box you find yourself in.  Or pushing beyond it and making a whole new one.

The deed is everything, the glory naught. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

As i continue to struggle with my losing my dad, this all hits home even more.  This was the first big thing ive done at the gym since he has been gone.  and of course that takes something away from it for me.  Its hard to not have my biggest cheerleader here anymore, for purely selfish reasons. And it just makes everything just a bit dimmer.  But what i realized today, was that those moments pass a little quicker when im surrounded by these people.  and all of their positive energy.  when 24 people are all standing together encouraging one person to keep going.  We dont let each other quit.   and now more than ever, i can appreciate how much that means.  As a community, we help each other through ALL the stuff.  maybe the gym is just the vehicle that we are using to support each other.  but these people ARE my support.  and I am theirs.  we>me, and all that.

In union there is strength. ~Aesop

I want to thank my SiB peeps, old and new for being a part of the family.  We bicker and argue like family.  And more often than not, im the mean sister.  But we have broad shoulders and we can help carry a heck of a load. You all make my life better.  And you make me better.  In the gym and hopefully out of it too.

#SiBtribe

Where we stand

Being responsible sometimes means pissing people off. ~Colin Powell

So this blog was originally going to be something entirely different.  A reminiscent stroll down softball lane, in honor of my dad.  And that one will come at some point.  But to me, a better tribute to him, and all he taught me, is to just clear the air about where i stand on what is happening all around me.  Like most of my friends, we dont want to engage in the political discourse that divides us.  So we dont talk about it.  We tiptoe around the subject, or avoid it altogether, so as not to damage any more relationships.   Go along and get along, as the saying goes.  BUT.  I dont want there to be any question, ever, about where i come down on these things.  Because the issues now are not political.  They are not republican or democrat.  They are human.  And the shut up and keep your head down philosophy - the dont make waves tendancy - is contributing to the problem.  It will always be "someone else's" job or responsibility. It will always be "someone else's" kids that are targeted or alienated.  We cant wait until it is our kids.  Because they are ALL our kids.

Clearly the deterioration of civil conversation starts with where you choose to get your news.  The filtering of information contributes in large part to why we cant talk to each other.  People i know run the gamut from only watching/listening to Fox News/MSNBC, or just completely tuning it out altogether.  No one wants the information that contradicts their opinion or upsets their bubble. AND THIS IS HOW  WE ARE ALL COMPLICIT.

The great thought, the great concern, the great anxiety of men is to restrict, as much as possible, the limits of their own responsibility. ~Giosué Borsi

I cant tell you how many of my intelligent, lovely, successful friends just dont give a flying fuck about what is happening.  Because it does not directly impact them.  They are safe in their community and surrounded by like-minded people, none of whom want to rock the boat.  This is all "someone else's" problem to solve.  And it's time we start calling each other out on it.  At the very least, we need to have the hard conversation.  I recently got together with some old friends.  Both were quick to point out that they did not care or follow politics.  Which is fine.  But they not only don't follow politics, THEY DON'T CARE.  And that is what I am having the hardest time with.  They are both great parents.  Have great jobs. All the stuff that makes for a happy life.  And they just dont want anything intruding on that.  I get it.  I think we all would love to live in that world.  Unfortunately, that is how we get where we are today.  And one morning, in the not too distant future, we are going to wake up in a very different world.  Hate and ignorance are taking over while we are all pretending everything is just fine.

We hate some persons because we do not know them; and will not know them because we hate them. ~Charles Caleb Colton

Let's start with HATE.  That's just the easiest to address.  I dont care if you are a lifelong Republican. I was too.  I dont care if the economy is working for you.  Or if you want judges that will throw us back to the Stone Age.  Im happy to debate policy differences with anyone. What i dont understand is how anyone, ANYONE, is okay with the rhetroric stemming from the White House.  There are not "very good people" on both sides of the Charlottesville debate.  There are not cages full of rapists and criminals at the southern border.  And having white skin does not make anyone more American than anyone else.  Are we so insecure as a RACE of people that we can't embrace mulitculturalism?  Are you so afraid of the black and brown people in your neighborhoods that you are willing to turn a blind eye to the OBVIOUS racism that is bubbling to the surface?  Are you secretly happy that finally FINALLY someone is saying those things you always wished you could say but didnt dare?  If so, open your mind and your heart to the 21st centtury.   Giving someone else the same thing that you ALREADY have, does not diminish you IN ANY WAY.  Respect, love, tolerance.  Everyone wants the same thing for themselves and their families.  Why is all of this only important for YOU? 

Silence at this point is that same as acceptance.  And that is not okay.  Im not saying you need to be a picketing wizard.   Or start fights at every gathering.  You dont have to do anything at all, obviously.  But i hope you think about it.  HARD.  Ask yourself if you are really okay with what is happening?  How would you feel (or will you) when the circumstances in your country cause you to flee - to drag your children hundreds of thousands of miles from home - only to be told that you are not welcome because of the color of your skin.  Because of the language you dont speak.  I can tell you this. As a mother.  I dont want to pack up my toddler for a day at the beach!  You know how much work it is to carry, cajole, entertain a small child for one day. With an ipad.  In an air-conditioned car.  HOW DESPERATE are these people to uproot their entire lives, and put their children thru this MISERY??  How can we be so CALLOUS? It's depressing, and sad.  And it just pisses me off that we cant ALL agree that this is just WRONG. Where are all of my Christians??   My Jesus people?  Jesus didnt just care for the WHITE PEOPLE.  You know Jesus probably didnt even know any white people - let's be honest. You cant only care about people like you.  That's not how this works.

Whoever oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God.— Proverbs 14:31

Which leads into the IGNORANCE part.  I am not the smartest tool in the shed.  And my opinions are just that - mine.  BUT we are allowing ourselves to, at the very least, be gaslighted by a top notch marketing machine, and at worst be deluded by a complete and utter idiot.  I jokingly said 2 years ago that I felt like I was living in Idiocracy (the movie - if you havent seen it, watch it).  We are being shown half of the information, if that, and being told what to believe.  This is NOT 1984.  But it may as well be.  The amount of flat out LYING that is taking  place may not, in your opinion, be any different than any other administration.   You would be wrong.  That is what the pundits are trying to sell you.  That is what team Trump wants you to believe.   The Washington Post never had to have a full-time fact checker before.  NEVER.  Think about that.  It is someone's full time job to fact check our President. Because he so boldly and blatantly LIES TO YOUR FACE on a daily basis.  If that was your kid, you wouldn't tolerate it. If if was your kid's teacher, you would throw a giant apoplectic fit.  But it's ok if it's the PRESIDENT?  What in the actual FUCK is happening that we think this behavior is ok?  There are no alternative facts.  Why are buying this bullshit? 

The most violent element in society is ignorance.  ~Emma Goldman

It's obvious I'm frustrated.  I just dont understand how we got here.  I dont understand what is so threatening about other people.  Women, black and brown people, lesbians, all the other letters of the GBTQ.  I mean seriously?  What's going to happen to your white, hetero-normative bubble if you allow yourself to be open to "others"?  Absolutely nothing.  There is room for all of us.  Our Congress is made up of an awful lot of old white dudes.  But there are women and minorities representing large swathes of the country.  WHO LOVE THIS COUNTRY.  Just as much as you do.  Fighting for the planet, their families, this country.  They may not agree on substance, but they are all SERVING.  They are all qualified and duly elected.  Just because they disagree with our current fucknut of a President does not mean they dont deserve to be here. It's ludicrous and racist.  PERIOD.

Do not confuse your vested interests with ethics. Do not identify the enemies of your privilege with the enemies of humanity. ~Max Lerner

I dont like Trump.  I never have.  I left the Republican Party when he became the nominee.  I believe that fundamentally he is a bad person.  That's it.   He is A BAD PERSON.  One that i would NEVER want my children to emulate.  And to me that is the saddest part of where we have come as a country.  You may not have liked previous Presidents.  There have been bad people in office before (ahem, Bill Clinton).  But never to this degree.  Never with this complete disregard for anyone but himself.  Donald Trump IS a racist.  And a misogynist. He's a compulsive liar.  You can argue with me about that if you want.  But deep in your heart, you know it is true.  He's the creepy uncle you keep your daughters away from, that you tell stories about, and make excuses for.  And he's the fucking President.  If you still think your tax cuts and judges are more important than the moral, physical and psychological deterioration of the country - good on you.  I hope you dont have young children, god forbid daughters, or children who dont identify as straight. I hope you dont mind living on hell's half acre, eating food that is poisoned by pesticide.  Or running out of water.  I mean, I know all of this stuff wont actually impact YOU, right?

We never know the worth of water till the well is dry.  ~Thomas Fuller

To all my old friends who will never speak to me again because i can no longer NOT talk about this - im sorry.  I'm mostly sorry that you just cant see what a slippery slope we are on. Im sorry FoxNews wont show you the corruption, the deceit & the danger associated with having this man run our country.  And Im sorry you would rather bury your head in the sand than open your eyes to what is happening.  I dont agree with a lot of the policies in the Democratic party.  I fight with my kids (a lot) about the dangers of "free" healthcare and "free" college.  I get it.  But these issues are bigger than those.  And i am just so sad that more people that I know dont care.

The opposite of education is not ignorance but indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference. Because of indifference, one dies before one actually dies. ~Elie Wiesel, 1986

stop moving the bar

If you don't know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else. ~Lawrence J. Peter

this blog has been ruminating a while.  a long while actually.  but i have a bit of free time right now so thought i would take the opportunity to revisit this subject, because it literally makes me INSANE.  for about 5 minutes every other week or so, and then i forget about it.  ha. 

im just curious when we stopped having a normal standard. like across the board.  this makes me sound like im 100, which happens a lot more these days, but i just dont remember remember the goalposts shifting so often when i was younger.  and its not just in fitness, altho to me that's the easiest example, and the one i will beat to death here.  but really in life also.  grading on a curve has pretty much always been around, but it used to be reserved for like the super special, once a year test that no one passed for some stupid reason. now its the norm. and everyone hates that one kid who might ruin the curve for the rest of the class.  but guess what, if there was no curve, that kid would still get the A.  why it is his job to make it easier for everyone else?

It is not enough for a man to know how to ride; he must know how to fall. ~Mexican Proverb

it happens in both directions.  which is weird right?  we make things easier so everyone can do better or we make them harder so no one can reach them. i just dont get it.  what happened to average?  and why is that not a thing anymore?  you cant just be OK at something?  or god forbid, you cant be a rockstar?  are there too MANY rockstars that we cant afford to have a few more?  i think it started with the whole everyone gets a trophy thing.  like seriously, thats the root of all evil.   we are all GOOD enough to get a trophy.  so then the people that DESERVE a trophy get what?  they have to do more - and then a little more - and then even more still.  because even if everyone gets a damn trophy, some of us still want to be better than that. right?  and some of us dont give a fuck about the trophy.  so why do we need to get one?  we dont ALL have to want or get the same thing.  but we all DO need to know where the line is that determines whether we get it or not.  am i making any sense?

The closer one gets to the top, the more one finds there is no "top." ~Nancy Barcus

i am going to do school before fitness.  why not.  back in the day, 4.0 was all there was.  2.0 was average.  anything below that meant you couldnt play sports.  and there was nothing higher than that.  sure some classes were harder than others, but you were graded the same BASED ON YOUR ABILITY, not how many ridiculously hard classes you could squeeze into your schedule.  the girl that was my valedictorian never took an honors class.  but guess what, she probably didnt take 9 gym classes either.  she was rewarded for HER work capacity and her success.  now, the debate over success in school is how many AP classes you take and if your overall WEIGHT is heavy enough.  why should the kids taking biomed or engineering be penalized because those classes arent weighted the same?  they SHOULDNT.  because weights are stupid.  life isnt fair, remember?  and we are trying to make it MORE fair by moving the bar around.  leave the fucking bar alone. it will be ok. if we have MORE kids who get a 4.0, then GOOD, right?  it means that they are working hard enough to get As.  why hurt the kids taking harder classes, or make them not want to take a class because it will hurt their GPA?  it is ok for them all to be successful!  why do we keep making it by turns harder to be successful AND harder to fail.  guess what? failure also happens.  and we need to let that happen too.

The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning. ~Ivy Baker Priest

what sets me off about this stuff?  crossfit.  as usual. my fitness nemesis.  when we started lifting weights seriously 3 years ago, crossfit was this foreign concept that had things like kipping pullups that i had never heard of. as we watched the sport develop and got interested in competing, we set bars for things we knew we needed to be able to do to compete.  and muscle up was THE white whale.  if you could do a muscle up, you were golden.  3 years later, i still cant do one.  BUT several of my people can.  and guess what?  now you need to be able to handstand walk - over obstacles - to compete.  i mean, seriously?  how many weekend warrior types can do that?  or even have the means to want to TRAIN to learn how to do that?  its like the crossfit gods decided that TOO MANY PEOPLE could actually compete at their vaunted "rx" level.  so they made it harder.  which again, is totally within their right.  it's their gig.  BUT.  rather than leave the standards alone, and maybe create ANOTHER standard for elite athletes, they just keep shifting the bar.  there is no such thing as an "average" crossfitter.  because we are not allowed to BE average, right?  if you scale, which all of us do, then you are forever stuck in "that" space.  and while i truly believe in scaling workouts, it is generally a means of moving you towards NOT having to scale.  its a process.  where eventually, if you so desire and can work hard enough blah blah blah, you can reach the "rx" - the "prescribed" workout.  its a great theory.  but only if the "prescribed" level doesnt keep changing.

We're still not where we're going, but we're not where we were. ~Natasha Josefowitz

its funny because this sounds a lot like sour grapes to me.  me bitching because im not getting to the level i want to get to.  and maybe that is a part of it.  but its discouraging to set a goal, reach it, and then still not be where you thought you would be, because the line moved farther away.  would it be so bad to have more people competing rx?  if you can walk over obstacles on your hands, chances are you are STILL going to kick my ass in a competition, even if i get to try to lift the same weights as you.  and if i come in LAST, that's ok.  and if i fail, that is ok too.  but i wont know if i can do more, and have no reason to continue to push myself, if i keep reaching for a line that i will never cross.  why bother? goalposts are there for a reason.  because EVENTUALLY you might reach them. pursuing the goal, and either reaching it OR falling short is the whole freaking POINT.  you learn or you succeed.  hopefully both.  and once you reach a goalpost, hopefully you reach for the next one.  because you learned you COULD.  asking people to continually change the rules to suit the players defeats the entire purpose.

For us, there is only the trying. The rest is not our business. ~T.S. Eliot

you remember the old "you win some, you lose some" thing? i think we lost that whole principle.  we need to know how to lose AND to win. their is grace in both. and lessons in both.  there is also a ton of experience to be had in the middle of those two extremes.  there are a million people out there that neither win or lose.  they participate. and they dont need trophies for doing that.  people work out everyday for no prize other than personal betterment.  or weight loss.  or stress relief.  but for those who DO compete, you have to know what you are trying to achieve.  and then get to feel the satisfaction when you achieve it.  or the frustration when you dont. but its ridiculous to finally reach the bar, only to STILL be frustrated because the bar has been moved further down the line.  hi deni, i know you got an A on that report, but you need to get an A+ now or it doesnt count.  an A is an A people.  let's leave it the fuck alone and be happy with it.  ugh.

No one understands that you have given everything. You must give more. ~Antonio Porchia

bootcamp is hard. and awesome

Your body is a flower that life let bloom.... ~Ilchi Lee

deni, why dont you do a bootcamp? i have heard a variation of this for pretty much ever.  and my reasons for not usually start and end with "i dont really want to".  not the reasons why for THAT are long and varied - which we will get in to in a bit.  suffice it to say, i broke down (or got off my ass, depending on who you ask) and finally offered one.  i actually said to my regular crew - if i get 10 people who want to do this, that will justify it - but im not sure i will.  to which the fitness universe said "hold my beer".

im not sure where to start, except to say that i was totally overwhelmed by the number of people who wanted to sign up - so much so that the first day was a complete clusterfuck of disorganization - up to and including me trying to run credit cards upside down all morning.  it was not pretty.  and the entire time all i was thinking was - omg, what was i THINKING?  probably a very similar thought to all those people who walked in and were sure i was either completely inept, or going to try to kill them -maybe both.

BUT.  we survived day one.  and two.  and then three.  you get where i am going with this.  we are almost halfway thru our 12 weeks, and while we have had some recidivism, i'm super impressed with the number of bootcampers still coming in.  AND we are all learning a ton about each other, the gym, and what comes next.

here's what im learning:  just because i do not like something, doesnt really mean anything at all.  especially as it pertains to fitness.  i had this crazy idea that if i thought something was boring or not fun, then it must be boring or not fun for everyone.  i joke alot with my friend Sherri, who loves a circuit.  i throw them in on like 4 fridays a year just to make her happy - but i hate them.  with a capital H.  not because they arent hard, but because my mind wanders and i dont focus - so i dont push myself very hard.  they just are not my thing.  which when you own your own gym is great - because i dont have to program them.  even though i probably should.  one of the perks of SiB for me is that i get to program what I want. selfish, i know - but im working on that.  thanks to, among other things, my bootcampers.

The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches but to reveal to him his own. ~Benjamin Disraeli

so my philosophy of working out is to just not be bored.  we never do the same thing in a week - or a month really if i have my way.  sure, we repeat movements -that is unavoidable. but we absolutely do NOT repeat workout types during the same week.  monday doesnt tuesday, or wednesday - and definitely not friday.  if you hate one day, chances are something you like is on the way.  i could probably credit the basic idea to tony horton and his muscle confusion concept from the original P90x - remember that?? anyway, i like to not be bored.  sue me.  so when i decided to do bootcamp, i figured i would try a similar concept.  shake it up - not do the same circuit every week - or even a circuit at all.  after all, this is MY bootcamp right?   so it has to have an SiB twist.

interestingly, 5 weeks in, we have done 4 different workouts.  the idea was to do 3 different workout styles, 4x each, so we would not be totally bored but still able to see improvement.  unfortunately, week 2 SUCKED donkey balls.  not that it wasnt a decent workout.  it was just B-O-R-I-N-G!  yowza.  like, deni, we dont have to do that one again do we? boring.  which brings me to the number one thing i love about bootcamp.  this is FOR THEM.  and they know that.  bootcamp has ZERO to do with me, other than that i am running it.  these people have completely different reasons for doing bootcamp.  and WOW.  i really needed that wake up.

fitness is for EVERYONE.  no matter where you are in your life.  being fit means different things to different people - as it SHOULD.  it is a completely individual concept.  and i was missing that.  i think we, as a group, get sucked into the competition of fitness.  which is also cool. it keeps us motivated.  and gives us progress reports, and goals.  but it also is a false perception.  just like there is always someone skinnier than you, or fatter, or taller, or shorter, or smarter, or braver, or whatever else - there is also always some both more AND LESS fit than you.  so it has to be about YOU.  and where you are on your journey.  i had erroneously made the assumption that people wouldnt want to work out just once a week.  or wouldnt push themselves if that was all they were doing.  basically i made a super jackassy judgment, based on nothing but my own definition of what it means to be fit.

Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. ~Buddha

so i apologize. sincerely. and i THANK YOU for showing me the error of my ways.  i cant tell you how much i love bootcamp.  like LOVE bootcamp.  it opens my eyes every week to something different.  and someONE different.  also, there is alot of laughing and dancing - which is just SO FUN.  bootcamp has reminded me that you get out what you put it.  and whatever that is, its totally good.  maybe bootcamp is your first foray into organized exercise. maybe its a fun thing to torture your girlfriends with on a saturday morning.  maybe its the jump start you need to get back in to the gym routine more regularly.  maybe its just a part of your overall journey.  it doesnt really matter.  because whatever it is FOR YOU, it serves that purpose.  it doesnt have to be about what I think it should be about. duh.  hello, deni.  stop being so freaking self-centered. look outward and really SEE what is going on out there.

i appreciate all of the feedback so far.  let me tell you, my bootcampers are not shy. and that is so awesome.  creating a synergy of such a large group of people is so interesting.  not everyone is going to like every single thing - obviously.  but we are growing as a unit - finding out what works for a group that size, with all the various conditions and modifications that come along with it.  probably my very favorite thing is the enormous amount of positivity that IS bootcamp.  everyone is so encouraging.  everyone is so happy to be taking the plunge and embracing this step of their fitness journey.  i am so grateful to be a part of that.  and i am so fortunate to have such a cool group of people to teach me this lesson.

i love the gym.  i really do.  and mostly i always have.  i know that is not true for a lot of people.  but what i REALLY love as i grow older is that there is always something NEW to love about it.  my fitness community continues to grow as i do - and how awesome is that? one of my longest held inner dialogues-slash-parenting philosophies is that you get what you need when you need it.  whether that is help or perspective or a lesson or just new shoes - you get the drift.  anyway, i did not know i needed a fresh perspective on the studio, until i got it.  and boy am i glad i did. 

Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does. ~William James

keep showing up people.  to the gym, to life.  for your friends.  that's the key.  you may not know why at the time, but it matters.  these little ripples spread.  thanks for the wake up, and the enthusiasm.  and of course, the dancing.  dancing makes everything better. xo

1000 workouts

No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.  ~Aristotle

its either extremely dedicated or extremely crazy. probably both. but this coming Saturday, the SiB poster child Boyd is celebrating his 1000th workout IN THE STUDIO.  which means that he has done more than that if you include his outside of our little fitness family togetherness wods.  seriously, its NUTS.  but so totally boyd that i decided it required some deeper examination :)

over the last 4(ish) years, boyd has become the model of everything i am hoping to accomplish in the studio.  which is insane.  because 4 years ago (even 2) i pretty much wanted to punch him daily. isnt it funny how life works that way - you are frustrated to death, and beating yourself up, until suddenly you arent.  and you realize that all that fighting and frustration led you right to where you were trying to go.  amazing.

Sometimes it's necessary to go a long distance out of the way in order to come back a short distance correctly. ~Edward Albee

this is what i think we all should learn from Boyd - and his severely OCD commitment to SiB:

• trust the process.  we are all a work in progress, and we all jump on the wagon at different stages.  every one of us has to start EXACTLY where WE are, and travel the path to get to where we want to go.  sometimes that journey is longer (or shorter) than others.  but you cant shortchange the trip.  you have to go thru the process, and trust that it will work.  and you cant give up on it if it seems to be taking too long.

The obstacle is the path. ~Zen Proverb

• be accountable.  im not saying you need to create an excel spreadsheet for your workouts.  but im also not saying you shouldnt.  accountability comes in many forms, and you need to find the one that is right FOR YOU.  im a paper calendar girl.  i circle my workouts on a paper calendar - which i instituted in the studio.  some people are great at it and use it - and others never sign it.  and that is FINE.  we all need to find the system that works and then USE IT.  maybe your accountability is a workout buddy - and if that works, great.  but you will not stick to anything, ever, without accountability.

Work on yourself first, take responsibility for your own progress. ~I Ching

• just commit already.  we are all busy. we all have reasons and excuses why we CANT do
  
  something.  Boyd is literally the hardest working person i know.  his solution was to make the gym an "appointment" on his calendar every day.  and treat it like one.  he wouldnt no-show another appointment, so he cant no-show the gym.  and making that mental commitment allowed him to embrace making that time for himself.  if it is IMPORTANT, you WILL make the time.  stop letting yourself off the hook with the "too busy" excuse.

Try not. Do or do not. There is no try. ~Yoda

• drag your friends with you.  boyd single-handedly made me have a class at 730.  that was the time that worked for him, so he called his 2 bffs and made them join in.  its more fun to torture yourself with friends.  it adds a social aspect to the daily grind of fitness.  everything is more fun with friends.  and why shouldnt your friends make their health a priority too??

True friends stab you in the front. ~Oscar Wilde

• dont take the easy way.  EVER.  life is hard.  we all know that.  taking the shortcuts might seem like the right answer.  it might make your life easier in the short term. but that is not where you GROW.  you grow thru the grind.  by forcing yourself to do the thing that is hard for you.  by pushing through even when you dont want to.  we all let ourselves off the hook sometimes, but it cant be the regular course of business.  do the hard work, day in and day out.  earn your success. and then celebrate it.

You learn you can do your best even when it's hard, even when you're tired and maybe hurting a little bit. It feels good to show some courage. ~Joe Namath

• never give up.  its ok to be last. last happens.  for some of us it happens alot.  and then, seemingly all of the sudden, it stops happening so much.  its easy to convince yourself when things are hard, and when you dont feel like you are getting better, to just quit.  we tell ourselves its ok to quit because we would see results already if it were going to work.  this is the biggest lie we like to hear.  its ok to quit because it wouldnt work anyway.  dont do it.  dont give in to that temptation.  everyone is on a different path, with a different timetable.  DO NOT GIVE UP.  eventually you will get where you want to go.

He conquers who endures. ~Persius

• its not a race. this is where it gets personal. sorry boyd. boyd spent the better part of 3 years what we liked to call "breathing thru water".  i have no idea why he couldnt breath - might be the 45 broken noses, but he just couldnt break thru the cardio part of our workouts.  3 years of him literally finishing last- or close to it.  of the 430 class harassing him for his times.  of me yelling at him to pick up the fucking bar already.  for 3 years, literally day in and day out, he gave 100% and still made what outwardly seemed like very little progress.  and then.  and this is the best part.  it clicked.  i wish i could tell you why or exactly what it was.  but i cant.  it just finally happened.  he started breathing actual air - like the rest of us.  it took him 3 years of daily beatings, but he finally overcame his innate rejection of all things cardio.  and he is literally kicking ass and taking names.  now we are all using HIS time to beat as a motivator. and it took the better part of 4 years to get there.  how many times should he have given up before now?  it happens for all of us differently.  but it happens.  run your own race, people.

One may go a long way after one is tired. ~French proverb

SiB is like coffee.  for me and for boyd, and most of our other tribe.  its what makes us kindred spirits.  i need it, everyday.  it fuels me, it gives me energy & drive in all of the other aspects of my life.  and i just plain old LOVE it.  i didnt always.  it was an aquired taste, that i came to as i got older. and even though it might be flavored a bit differently for all of us, we all use it to thrive.

i am thankful everyday for the people that SiB has brought into my life.  i am glad i get to share this journey with so many incredible friends, and im so lucky that i continue to learn and grow through this process.

Boyd's 1000th workout is Saturday morning at 7:30.  You are more than welcome to join us! 

one more time

It's a strange thing, but when you are dreading something, and would give anything to slow down time, it has a disobliging habit of speeding up. ~J.K. Rowling

today is the first day of lacrosse season.  and while its the first of many we have experienced, this one is very different.  not only is it the last ever high school season, its the only one without my dad.  i mean, how lucky am i that i can say that? out of all of my kids high school seasons, my dad was here for all but one.  it just sucks that this is the one he is missing.  not that it would have been better at any other time either. but i just dont know how to do this without sharing it with him.  he is my sideline partner & my ride sharer.  among the million other things.  i just dont know how i am going to do this without him. 

so this is my season for holding on, and letting go.  and im just not ready.  i am so excited for josh.  and kris.  this is the 11th year of our journey with LP lacrosse. and our last with one of our kids on the team. which is bittersweet on its own.  every season has had its highs and lows.  every team has been unique and given us great stories.  we have an extended family of kids who will always be a part of our lives, and i am so grateful for the experience.  and im not ready for it to end.

No matter how long the winter, spring is sure to follow. ~Proverb

these kids have been with us from the beginning of cclc. we have watched them grow up, as men and as players.  they are the guys that have let me torture them in the studio since middle school - and who all gave me a hug on their last night in the studio.  i think we all know the significance of this season.  its the culmination of all that we have put into this lacrosse community.  and it just doesnt seem real yet.  it was going to be emotional before we lost pop.  now, i just dont know how im going to get through it.

i started sitting by myself (with my dad) years ago.  it started out that way because i couldnt stand the crazy parents who didnt know the rules.  and the ones who criticized the coach.  and then the ones who bitched about my kids.  and then it just became my thing.  i would drag my dad to the top of the bleachers, or way over to the side.  and then more recently, we started sitting near the bottom - because it was easier for him.  and not such a long walk.   essentially, he made me start sitting with the crowd again.  because he was always looking out for me in his own way.  and now, i already dont know where to sit.  which is stupid.  but true.  i dont want to go to the games without him. dammit.

To live in this world, you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go. ~Mary Oliver

which would make him mad at me.  and i know he is there in spirit.  he always was and he always will be.  im just selfishly unsure how to handle it.  this year should be one of our best.  there are so many things to look forward to...kris' 100th win, Josh's senior night & a run for the smac title. and it WILL be awesome.  it will just be a tiny bit less awesome without him.

we are starting the season off in the rain.  which is usually a bummer.  but you know how much pop loved the rain.  so i am going to try to take that approach this season, and just look on the bright side.  which was his ultimate lesson.  every day that we are here together is a gift.  its easy to be happy when the sun is shining.  but on those days that it rains, we need to be prepared to find the rainbow.  even when it might not be easy.

If I had a single flower for every time I think of you, I could walk forever in my garden. ~Claudia Adrienne Grandi