aging is not graceful - get over it

What is really beautiful needs no adorning. We do not grind down the pearl upon a polishing stone. ~Sataka

i am OVER this whole "pretty" vibe.  honestly i have been for years, but the ridiculous drama over Pam Anderson starting a "movement" by not buckling to the hollywood bullshit is not only AMAZING and LONG OVERDUE, its just about FUCKING TIME someone had the balls to say, StOP JUDGING ME STRICTLY BY MY APPEARANCE.  even tho they still are.  at least now it is on HER terms.  which is a small victory in and of itself.  but still just absolutely INSANE that she is taking heat for appearing at events with her (gasp) NATURAL FACE.

We try to achieve beauty by covering up all traces of age and end up looking like we tried to achieve youth by covering up all traces of beauty. ~Robert Brault

are we so far gone as a society that this is not only controversial, but she is taking actual HEAT for it???

this woman is FIFTY FUCKING SEVEN years old.  she has DONE HER TIME pleasing other people.  and honestly recognizes the damage we do to ourselves and our younger generations by promoting the bullshit stereotype that a womans value is determined EXCLUSIVELY by how attractive she is. its fucking bullshit. and i, for one, am HERE FOR IT.

yall know that i have posted more than one rant about the "beauty standards" that rule our society.  so i wont go too far down that road, BUT i will re-iterate my biggest pet peeves in this particular context. and let me start here: being a woman is hard enough without feeling like your worth is defined by what OTHER PEOPLE think is attractive.  like, who the fuck decides?  moving goalposts, fashion trends, social media, dickhead men, mean girls.....these are ALLLLLLL contributing factors to why women constantly feel judged.  don't we have more important shit to focus on?

Beauty and folly are sisters. ~German proverb

apparently not.  my last blog was about the coke skinny trend rearing its ugly head AGAIN.  we just dont learn our lessons.  by the time you reach your 50s, an average woman has been on 7000 diets and at least debated liposuction, botox, fillers and/or plastic surgery for any number of reasons.  we have been brainwashing into thinking that our bodies are here for OTHER PEOPLES pleasure - and our job is to make sure we look "good enough".  what the fuck does that even mean?   and why is aging a negative?  guess what?  if we are lucky enough to actually become old (or older), it means we have LIVED.  why are we trying to look like we are still 30?  we are not.  thank god.

this goes hand in hand with the skinny.  but it bothers me even more. who gets to decide what pretty looks like? why is pretty such a life goal?  and why is YOUNG the goal?  because smarmy old men want to bang 12 year old bodies.  hard fucking pass, friends. social media influencers are SELLING YOU SOMETHING. if you buy these face creams or serums, if you inject these fillers or have these facials.  just botox.  have the surgery.  whatever you do, FIGHT TO STAY YOUNG LOOKING.  because once you are no longer "attractive", you lose your worth.    

How many have made ourselves ugly from the burden of being beautiful? Made ourselves dumb because of the shame of being smart? ~Terri Guillemets,

women are NOT ornaments.  we do NOT exist as an extension of someone else.  we are NOT required to buy into this bullshit aesthetic.  our VALUE has absolutely NOTHING to do with what we look like.  

here is the caveat.  if you are doing any or all of this FOR YOU - go for it. but if you are truly adhering to these beauty standards for YOURSELF, then you could give a shit whether or not Pam Andersen wears makeup anymore.  can we all just TRY to get back to a little more live and let live.  i mean, lets be honest.  we are always going to have opinions on what we like - or dont like.  we find things attractive or not attractive.  thats totally cool.  but can we TRY to stop shaming people into thinking they have to conform?

its literally IMPOSSIBLE to not age.  your skin changes.  your hair changes.  its harder to stay fit.  BUT you GOT here.  you earned those laugh lines - and those stress lines.  is it hard to look at your reflection or your hands and see your mom (or your grandmom)?  sure.  it happens to all of us.  but that is just a part of your journey.  and while i am not going to stand here and tell you to embrace your wrinkles, because thats a tough sell for all of us, what i am going to say is dont HATE them.  be kind to yourself.  and your face.  its YOUR FACE.  if you made this far, you sat in the sun A LOT.  you have laughed and cried, weathered storms, maybe raised kids.  you have made an IMPACT on those around you - and that has absolutely nothing to do with what you look like.

i made a conscious effort about 8 years ago or so to stop using filters on my photos.  at the time it was because i was using my SiB platform to try to empower YOUNG girls and it seemed antithetical to "airbrush" my skin to make myself LOOK better.  it was SO HARD if i am honest.  because like most things on social media, you only see everyone elses "perfection".  but it was also super good for me.  i learned to embrace capturing moments, not looks.  and my pictures now are very reflective of the moments in my life.  and in some of them, i look REALLY OLD.  but guess what, i AM pretty old.  and i EARNED this face.  wrinkles, crooked teeth, sun spots, gray hair and all.  and i can say from my completely normal average woman perspective, Pam Anderson at 57 STILL looks younger than i do. and more fresh-faced.  she obviously has a good skin care regime - she is still rich and famous after all.  but more importantly, she is fighting a fight for those who come behind her - saying, you DONT have to CHANGE yourself to make other people appreciate you.

Life: It is about the gift not the package it comes in. ~Dennis P. Costea, Jr.

the last thing i am going to say on this subject is this - if you LOVE makeup and it makes you feel good to wear it - DO IT.  makeup is amazing - and a lot of you are amazing at it.  im actually jealous of you in that regard.  because i suck at it.  hence all my colored glasses - thats my positive in needing reading glasses - they have completely replaced eye makeup in my life :).  but makeup, etc is not inherently bad.  its a tool like all the other  ones we have at our disposal.  if you are fighting the aging process because YOU dont want to look old - i mean go for it.  but if you are injecting yourself or hiding behind layers of makeup because society has made you feel like you NEED to to be attractive, then please stop.  YOU ARE ENOUGH exactly as you are.  do what makes YOU feel good, strong, beautiful, healthy.  what you will realize at the ripe of age of 50 something is that you are ALWAYS good enough and also NEVER good enough.  so you should only do those things that move the needle for you - in your own heart and mind.  everyone else will adjust.  and if they dont, you never needed them to begin with.

My socks may not match, but my feet are always warm. ~Maureen McCullough

FRAGILE is not it

 frag·ile (adjective)

• easily broken or damaged
• flimsy or insubstantial; easily destroyed
• not strong or sturdy; delicate and vulnerable

so this blog has been a long time coming...and one i have struggled with.  mostly because i really dont understand the mentality behind the DESIRE to be tiny.  a lot of this is personal - obviously all of my blogs are - but this one really hits hard for me in different ways.  and if i have offended you in the past with my writing, you should probably skip this one.  that's my trigger warning fyi.

i am consistently baffled by "our" fixation on being small.  in all the ways.  and none more obvious at this time than the resurgence of the "heroin chic", ozempic fueled, late 80's/early 2000's OBSESSION with being transparently fucking skinny.  what in the actual fuck are we DOING here friends?  i have so many problems with this.  and i will go in no particular order:

I see my body as an instrument, rather than an ornament. ~Alanis Morissette

is the goal REALLY to be as small as possible?  is the desired effect looking like you are starving yourself to death?  and to what end?  so someone else can tell you you look beautiful or perfect or (gasp) SKINNY?  the ever-present, everlong "ideal" for us as a culture.....skinny.  you can be mean or selfish or bitchy - but as long as you are skinny, you still "win", right?  if you are skinny, you can sit in judgement and feel superior to all the poor souls who are NOT skinny - and god forbid, actually (gasp) FAT.  oh no!

and even if you somehow actually think that desperately skinny is attractive, is attractive the ultimate goal?  and attractive to whom?  are you healthy? are you strong?  are you happy?  cuz god knows you gotta be hungry!  and i know personally i am none of those things when im hungry :)

somehow we have tied success and confidence in ourselves to our size.  and as the pendulum swings, it always, always lands back on fucking skinny as the ideal.  havent we learned ANYTHING over the years?  women are NOT MEANT TO TAKE UP  LESS SPACE!!  not physically, not emotionally, not successfully.  our bodies, as an analogy for our lives, SHOULD NOT BE CONTAINED into something smaller than what we truly ARE.  and if you are reading my frustration, please multiply that by 1000.

SKINNY is NOT the goal.  you know what truly skinny looks like?  it looks FRAGILE.  and weak.  and unsubstantial.  it also looks like you need a cheeseburger.  at all times.  it makes people (who you probably think think you look amazing) worry for you.  it makes you look like you might just possibly be sick.  and if you feel attractive, go you. i mean it.  if skinny is honestly what makes you happy, then who the fuck cares what i or anyone else thinks.  but if you are starving yourself or spending a million dollars on the magic shots just to feel like you need to be smaller to be accepted or confident or whatever, please STOP.  your size does not determine who you are as a person.  YOUR SIZE DOES NOT DETERMINE WHO YOU ARE AS A PERSON!

Why is it that only girls stand on the sides of their feet? As if they're afraid to plant themselves? ~Barbara Kingsolver

the pics from the golden globes are honestly what set me off.  Nicole Kidman looks "stunning" in her blah blah gown.  no maam.  she looks like a victim.  a victim of a society that tells us that being talented and strong and successful are not nearly as important as being "attractive".  and in order to be attractive, you MUST be smaller.  when are you small enough to be considered beautiful?  and why does it matter so much?  we, as a gender, DO NOT EXIST for the pleasure of others.  we are NOT subordinate or "less than".  we do not have to make ourselves smaller so others can feel bigger or more substantial.

not to mention, it cant be healthy.  i mean MAYBE.  if you live in Hollywood and have a zillion dollars and have a nutritionist and chef, then you can PROBABLY maintain some muscle tone on that small a frame.  but it you understand that the camera actually pounds, then these women are EMACIATED.  and the normal woman does not have a chef or nutritionist.  they have "friends" who "swear by" the hottest, newest thing that helps them NOT BE HUNGRY.  its been FEN-Phen, Paxil, smoking, coke...and now glp1s.  they dont care if you end up with addiction or heart failure or gastric issues.  and neither do most of the people taking them.  because they ALLLLLL help stave off the HUNGER that makes you (gasp) FAT.  and who cares what happens in 10 years - i may not live that long.  as long as i look good TODAY, then its all worth it.  right?

i say no.  actually i say FUCK NO.  we are SUBSTANTIAL.  our bodies are capable of SO MUCH.  we are strong and powerful.  we grow babies.  we support ourselves and our families.  we contribute to our communities and our jobs. we do ALL THE THINGS that men do - and then some.  and yet, we still look for that external approval that judges our merit on how we LOOK.  its sad.  and disheartening to be honest.

now i know there are women out there with genuine eating disorders. and those naturally skinny women who TRY to put on weight and struggle there.  i understand the pervasiveness of body dysmorphia in our society.  it's obviously not just about skinny.  its youthful and unlined and all the other things that make us "attractive".  but it all comes down to outward appearance.  women are JUDGED by their appearance, and that beauty standard is set by those who can afford to BE judged by their looks.  

Her little heart fought its way through a world that still crushed women down... To be a warrior and keep beautiful too! ~Rupert Hughes, The Golden Ladder, 1924

it makes me sad.  and frustrated. clearly.  as a female in the fitness industry, i totally get the judged by your appearance thing.  but the change we are making (or attempting to make) - slowly - is this: if you are going to judge me, judge me on my ability.  judge me on my effort.  judge me on what i can DO, or not do for that matter.  or you know, don't judge me.  i know that is not going to happen.  obviously that would be hypocritical, as i am clearly making some judgements myself over here.  but i honestly am not (or trying not) to judge the individuals.  i am judging the SYSTEM that creates this false ideal that so many women feel compelled to reach.  i don't hate the player, but i DO hate the game.

we started 2025 with a reset challenge. and most everyone sets a goal to lose weight.  its our default, right?  we must NEED to lose weight if we indulged over the holidays. or if we have added those extra 5-10 pounds every so often as we age.  i cant tell you how many of us think that the movement of the scale will somehow magically make us happier.  and honestly, i am not saying it wont.  but if you think about it, if you decide to actually put an honest effort into losing some weight - you track your food and eat healthier, you work out and drink less - all of those things SHOULD make you FEEL BETTER.  the secondary result MIGHT be on the scale, but you FEEL BETTER because you are taking care of your body - and your body is rewarding you for it.

my biggest hope for my crew - and all you out there - is that we stop being afraid of food.  food is NOT our enemy.  food nourishes us and fuels our lives.  can we eat shitty food?  of course.  do we?  also OF COURSE.  but if you focus on feeling good, rather than looking good, you may be surprised at the results.  i started strong is beautiful almost 12 years ago with the same message.  and it never takes, somehow.  but i am going to continue to ram my head against this wall and hope someone out there connects with the message.

How many have made ourselves ugly from the burden of being beautiful? Made ourselves dumb because of the shame of being smart? ~Terri Guillemets

consistency over time - welcome to a fresh year

 

The question is not what you look at, but what you see. ~Henry David Thoreau

as most of you know, i have been in the gym "business" for a long time in some form or fashion. the gym "owner" part is fairly recent - at least as a full time thing - but the gym GOER is just a part of who i am.  and it seems odd that at the ripe old age of 53, i am still having the very same conversations about consistency and expectations that i started having as a fresh faced instructor 25 years ago.

here is the deal:  fitness (mental and physical) is a lifelong exercise.  if you are lucky, you start young and understand that feeling good physically helps you feel better mentally and emotionally.  but sometimes that is not how it works.  often we are taught at a young age that physical activity is only valuable in how it makes you LOOK - we focus on the physical aspects of exercise as a stand alone.  so if you find a way to LOOK the way you want without exercising, you somehow still think you are ahead of the game.

I am not well; and yet I look in good health. ~Lord Byron, 1814

i am here to tell you that just is not true.  or not the only truth.  FITNESS is journey - not a destination. you never get THERE - wherever there happens to be for you.  it is a decision, day in/day out, month in/month out, year in and year out, to make your health a priority.  it is not easy.  IT IS NEVER EASY.  it does get EASIER - you get stronger, you feel better, you find friends that are in it with you. but i promise NONE of us - those crazy lifelong exercisers you think you know that LOVE the gym - find it easy.  we struggle the same way you do - do i need to go to the gym today?  whats the harm if i just stop for a while?  does it really matter if show up or not?  and guess what? you DO need to go, there is harm if you stop and YES, showing up matters. sometimes it is ALL that matters.

Health and cheerfulness are brothers. ~Proverbs, William Hardcastle Browne, 1900

why my high horse again this year?  i am getting older.  which means the people in my life are also getting older.  and as we get older, it is much easier to see the long term effects of both exercising and NOT exercising.  in your 20s & 30s, you can get away with a lot.  you have nice skin and your body tends to bounce back from most of the abuse you put it thru.  you have other priorities and can rationalize NOT.  not going to the gym.  not walking.  not eating right.  and for the most part, you just keep getting on with it.  BUT.  one day you will wake up and realize that you are not, in fact, healthy.  you might be skinny.  you might look ok.  but maybe you are struggling with your mental health. maybe you cant get up and down off the floor easily to play with your kids (or do your job).  maybe you have a health scare.  whatever it happens to be, you will wake up one day and need to figure out where to start physically taking care of your body.

and guess what friends, you think it sucks trying to exercise when you are fairly healthy (and young) to begin with?  its 1000x worse if you are starting from a place of poor health and physical limitations.  it can be done.....but you gotta REALLY want it then.  because like everything else in life, you dont get to just be done.  you dont get to stop worrying about your kids. or paying your bills.  you dont get to stop making dinner or figuring out what to eat.  you dont get to stop doing all the things you do everyday that make up all the components of your life.  and once you start exercising, you dont get to stop.  and eventually, you wont want to (i promise).

we live in a society that values appearance above all things. we are constantly trying to find the next best "quick fix" that will solve all of our problems.  especially when it comes to how we look.  we are happy to sacrifice lots of things in order to fit some ideal of what we "should" look like.  and unfortunately often times what we actually sacrifice is our health.  we cut carbs, we take pills, we take shots, we have surgery - all in the pursuit of looking good.  when what we should be focusing on is FEELING good.  and not in a "i feel good because i look good" kind of way.  truly feeling good.  like my systems are all in balance.  i cope with stress.  i sleep. i enjoy my food.  i can do all the things i choose to do without worrying about how my body will be able to handle it.

My definition of fitness is to be able to carry out all of the activities in life that you desire, plus have a physical reserve at the end of the day to do something besides lie down and flip the remote. If you can do all that, if you're functional, then you're fit. It doesn't matter if you have great abs or can bench-press your body weight. Those things have nothing to do with real life. ~James Glinn

do we exercisers have issues - OF COURSE we do.  we struggle like everyone else.  and we have pain, just like everyone else.  bad shoulders, bad knees, inflexibility, all the normal shit.  the difference is, we know that it would be so much worse if we werent fit to begin with.  we know that prioritizing our health is IMPORTANT - not selfish.  making time to be healthy is one of the best things you can do.  that doesnt mean you have to join a gym.  or spend money on it. it means MAKING THE TIME for your fitness.  everyone can walk.  and sit to stand out of a chair.  pushup against a wall.  there are free yoga apps and walking apps and stretching apps. in this day and age, you don't have to leave your house to be fit.  you just have to be willing to make the time.

because one day (hopefully in the very distance future) you wont be able to.  aging is not for the faint of heart.  one day you will wake up in your 70s .... and either get up out of bed and keep on getting it - or you will ring for help because you cant do it yourself.  the choices you make now will determine how you spend your later years.  if you are lucky, you will spend them hanging with your friends and family - golfing and swimming and enjoying the adventures you spent your whole life earning.  if you are not, you will rely on a walker or scooter, or wake up in pain on the regular.  and while it is not my job to tell you how to live your life, it is my job to let you know what it looks like on the other side of bad health choices.  it is very easy to live a young life.  it is very difficult to live an old life.  and whether you live a young or old life is not necessarily determined by your age.  it is determined by your health.

Keeping your body healthy is an expression of gratitude to the whole cosmos — the trees, the clouds, everything. ~Thich Nhat Hanh

as we enter a new year, make this one where you commit to your health.  or recommit.  find an accountability partner if that helps you.  start a journal. use the tools around you to help keep you moving.  just START.  the starting is the hardest part.

here is my 2c of reality (and judgement).  shit happens. it happens to all of us.  2024 had one of the best experiences of my life, and one of the worst.  and neither made the gym better or worse.  the gym helped me enjoy the first and cope with the second.  because it is just a part of who i am.  and i know that there are days/weeks/months that i may not want to keep going, i am committed to it.  and that commitment rewards me in the long term.

2023 i worked out 313 days.  i started a gym business and had the normal ups and downs.  2024 i worked out 308 days.  had a wedding and a funeral and all the things associated with both.  you make excuses or you find reasons.  make 2025 the year you find your reasons.

Set out from any point. They are all alike. They all lead to a point of departure. ~Antonio Porchia