small changes (or no longer AS sedentary)

i am having a hard time sitting down to write these days.  tons of mixed emotions and generally this much introspection generally leads me to bouts of crying - which i am clearly trying to avoid.  however, a little positivity could certainly help.  

Real change, enduring change, happens one step at a time. ~Ruth Bader Ginsburg

so, the good news is my realization that i sat on my ass 98% of the time definitely inspired some change.  i would love to say i saw immediate results, but that would just be a big fat lie.  like with everything else, change is HARD.  and staying motivated is even harder, at least for me.  im traditionally a good "starter" but not so great at staying the course.  but, clearly changes needed to be made - and here we are:

6 and a half months later -ish. interestingly, the biggest overall change was absolutely not my diet.  i mean, i have been trying over the last 6 weeks or so- as the big 5-0 looms (shoot me now), but the first 5 months of this project were just centered on moving more.  i bought a tread pad for under my desk....and set a goal of walking 10 min a day, with the thought of just trying to walk during my internal sales meetings.  adding this to my mental checklist just made me more aware of the days when i was literally sitting at my desk all day - and not moving until it was time to go to the gym.  all that to say, that yes dietary changes also needed to be made....but they were last.  4 months was literally just changing my thoughts and actions around moving more.

Changes in life are like extra strength Gold Bond Medicated Powder. The burning means it's working. ~John Mayer

over time, different strategies evolved.  the first month OF COURSE i knocked it out of the park.  months 2-3, were just blah.  the biggest change was that i was AWARE of it.  still wasnt necessarily fixing anything, but i was no longer blind to what was (or was not) happening. and i was able, over time to add in more things that kept me moving more - and being more aware of when i wasnt.

i may have shared my obsession with my paper calendar once or a 100x over the course of this blog.  but what i did to help was adapt what i was tracking.  it used to just be circles for working out - easy, effective and quick. but the way i actually used the calendar was to go back at the end of every month, look at my workouts and just circle all the days at the end - and count them up.  easy peasy.  so there was accountability MONTHLY, but nothing immediate. i would only really realize i had slacked off at the end of the whole month - so not a great way to help stay on track tbh.

Keep on going and the chances are that you will stumble on something, perhaps when you are least expecting it. I have never heard of anyone stumbling on something sitting down. ~Charles F. Kettering

i also may or may not still be struggling with my freaking achilles/heel/plantar THING that lasts for
eternity.  so as excuses went, it was easy to let myself NOT walk, so i could actually workout.  the mind is an immensely fascinating space - that really allows you ALL THE ROOM to make yourself ok with just about anything.  the amount of mental waffling i do about something that i KNOW will help me and make me feel better is just short of ridiculous.  so i finally did what any ridiculous person would do, and dragged my spin bike into my office and put it RIGHT NEXT to my treadpad - as if to say "one or the other, motherfucker".  and finally, that seems to be sticking.  at least for now.                                

my solutions, although they may not work for anyone else, have made me at least FEEL accountable - if only to myself.  i stare at this board - which has my workout, my "extra movement", possibly 10 min of stretching (which is a whole other, holy shit im gonna be 50 issue) and my TOTAL STEP COUNT.  let me tell you one thing, kids.  keeping track of your steps - or lack thereof - will tell you all you need to know about how much you sit still.  HUGE EYE OPENER for this girl.  there were days, before this crazy system, where my total step count, including working out, was like 2600 TOTAL.  thats like half dead.  and it was my NORMAL - with a freaking workout.  which really means i took a grand total of 13 steps the rest of the day.  just crazy.

Don't look where you fall, but where you slipped. ~African proverb

obviously, this is literally just one persons story.  BUT, i strongly encourage any of you, if you are feeling any kind of way about this whole crazy situation, do some evaluating.  look at your daily routine.  see if there is anything you can do or change - even in some small way - to help yourself FEEL better.  results beget results, right.  not to say i am not still having anxiety - or, as you might have noticed a small nervous breakdown about my birthday - but on the daily, i feel better.  i feel like i have taken charge a bit more of my circumstances - and in doing that, have stopped letting it all weigh me down so heavily - physically & emotionally.

does it take time- YES.  change does not happen overnight.  but also, habit forming and behavior changes take reinforcement. the first step is to acknowledge you need or want to change. after that, the world is your oyster, more or less.  but you still have to figure out how to pry it open!

He who is outside his door has the hardest part of his journey behind him. ~Proverb