haters gonna hate

i have no idea why girls are so mean.  i wish i understood at what age we become so worried about what other people think that it becomes necessary to tear other people down to make ourselves feel better.  if there is one thing that every woman i know has in common, its experience with a mean girl. or woman.  or both.  and in all honesty, we have all probably also BEEN the mean girl. unfortunately we judge everyone - ourselves included - almost without conscious thought.  and this has got to change.

There is a special place in hell for women who do not help other women. ~Madeleine K. Albright

i started SiB for girls.  for this reason.  not necessarily to combat the mean girl syndrome, but to help girls FEEL BETTER about what their bodies can DO.  not what they LOOK like.  and it has had mixed success in that regard. and i get it.  i do.  nobody likes to feel like they look bad - or awkward - or anything else.  but we ALL DO.  i've written ad nauseum about the filter/instagram culture, but that is just a symptom of the larger issue we all face.  insecurity. it lives inside of us all.  some do a better job dealing with it than others.  some hide it.  some brazen it out.  some ignore it.  but we all deal with it somehow. some of us are just fucking meaner about it than others.

The world is full of cactus, but we don't have to sit on it. ~Will Foley

im saying this from 48 year old deni's perspective.  who was an insecure 16 year old who hid in sports. a hot mess 20 year old, and a gym obsessed adult.  we all deal with how we feel about ourselves differently.  i would love to say my gym obsession grew from love of exercise.  but that would be a big fat lie.  my gym obsession stems from my need to NOT BE FAT.  to feel attractive.  to fit in.  but mostly, to not be fat.  how's that for life long motivation.  and how sad that my desire to NOT be something was a larger driving force than my need to BE something.  and change starts with these young girls.

we cant help until we recognize the problem.  and start to address it.  with ourselves and our friends.  this pandemic is just one more thing that brings home how self-focused we are.  how everything affects ME as an individual. not US as a unit.  for every person out there worried about their parent or grandparent or nurse/doctor friend, there are 5 more people worried about getting their hair done or getting back to the gym.  because, even in the midst of a global pandemic, we are vain, selfish and insecure.  we all have this in us, as much as we would like to say we dont.  the only video i have posted, i felt compelled to comment on my gray hair.  like seriously deni - who gives a fuck about your gray hair?  clearly, me.  because that self-conscious part of me is a living breathing entity all of its own.  i hate it.  i acknowledge it. and i work on shutting it up - every single day- but clearly it has a life of its own.

I may grow flowers in my garden which you do not like, but the pity is if I allow you to trample them out. ~Muriel Strode

maybe this doesnt pertain to you.  i honestly dont know.  maybe there are some seriously, genuinely strong, confident women out there that truly dont care what other people think.  and i am in AWE of you.  you are who i want to be when i grow up - if i ever do.  but in the meantime, can we just try to take an extra second to think about what we are putting out into the universe.  because people ARE watching.  and judging.  you need to do the things that make YOU feel confident and strong.  and happy.  understanding that other people dont understand that. and dont agree with you.  and judge you. and that is ok.  what i have learned 48 years later is that no one has to approve of you, but you.  its a hard fought battle to get there.  and it starts before you even know its a fight. 

To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it. ~Confucius

the gift that SiB has given me is perspective.  people come in all shapes and sizes, with various abilities and strengths.  AND weaknesses.  we ALL have them.  we have both.  its learning how to accept your weaknesses, embrace your strengths and to find a balance of the two.  and i dont just mean physically.

to all the girls and women who have come thru SiB, i want you know that i APPRECIATE you.  and i SEE you.  my studio is not for everyone.  my personality is not for everyone.  and my workouts are not for everyone.  but the message behind strong is beautiful, is.  i want you to take away confidence. in yourself, your place, and your choices.  whether those choices keep you at SiB, or take you somewhere else, its all about empowering yourself - physically and mentally. 

"it doesn't get easier, you just get stronger" - SiB motto

i know i focus alot on the girls.  but i also want to say to all the young men that have embraced SiB - THANK YOU.  the common denominator that runs throughout the kids that stick with SiB, is respect.  because those workouts arent easy.  and they arent just for girls.  it takes a confident teenage boy to rock that strong is beautiful shirt - and i SEE you too.  and i see how much you respect all the other kids - both boys and girls - that rock that shirt.  because you ALL know how hard it is. and you keep coming back anyway.  i hope you are all PROUD of that.  you should be.

it hurts my heart when any of my girls struggle with the haters.  unfortunately, its a fact of life.  especially when you put yourself out there.  we chronicle our journey in different ways, and for different reasons.  and people will always see what THEY want to see.  what we might see as accountability, or motivation for others - someone else might see as showing off or attention seeking.  and that is not anything that you can control. you can only control how YOU feel about what you put out there.  the thing is this - you can never make everyone happy.  and its not your job to try.  i think its an easier battle to change how you start to think about yourself, than it is to change how you think about others.  so maybe we all try to cut all the people out there the same slack we hope they cut us.  the next time you go to screenshot something (or someone) - ask yourself why. and if its mean-spirited, on not something you would want someone to do you - then move on.  that's really all we can do.  just try to be better.

We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same. ~Francesca Reigler

for all of you that put yourselves out there - keep on doing your thing.  this is your life and no one has to be happy with it but you.  and more people than you know APPRECIATE what you are doing.  and respect the courage it takes to share your journey - flaws and all.  strong girls, in all the forms that they take, rock. much love to you all.

you are not alone

No one can whistle a symphony. It takes a whole orchestra to play it. ~H.E. Luccock

we are all in this together.  that seems like such an overused platitude, but in this case it's mostly true.  while we all have different situations to some degree - how many people are we stuck at home with, for example - we are all experiencing the same "stay the fuck at home" vibe.  i do not mean to discount how extremely difficult this is for some people. at all.  many are home alone, without any support. many have lost jobs, shuttered businesses, and are experiencing stress at a level that is, prior to now, probably unimaginable.  so i am not attempting to belittle how anyone FEELS.  i am just trying to think about the things we can control.  together.

Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does. ~William James

i am very fortunate.  i work from home.  and did so before this pandemic.  what that means is that i am used to this schedule. unfortunately, i am in the business of selling event technology.  which maybe isnt so ideal right now.  but I HAVE A JOB.  for which i am truly thankful.  but my very quiet - empty nester style - household suddenly has 5 grown people in it again.  and 3 dogs.   we are all trying to figure out how to make a work space that is effective, yet considerate of all the other meetings happening at the same time.  a big problem?  not even a little.  just a very different turn of events.

we are all finding out what our new normal looks like.  and THAT is how we are all in the same boat. every single one of us is now in a different place than we were a month ago.  physically & emotionally.  and while no single person's situation is the same, we have all been impacted by sudden CHANGE.  some of us adapt to change well.  some do not.  but regardless, we all have to figure it out.  how do we navigate this?  without our friends, or in some cases our family?  what do we do when our normal support network is all just as stressed out?  or worse?  generally trying times happen to us at different intervals - so SOMEONE is always around to pick us up, or cheer us up.  take us out or bring in some wine.  now we are ALL doing this at once.

I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do. ~Edward Everett Hale

so what do we do? well first, embrace the easy things:  i havent put on a bra until 4 or 5 since this started - and then just to workout :). i have not used a blow dryer or put on makeup of any kind, again going on 3 weeks :). my kids are all home for more than a holiday for the first time in years :). i am learning how to cook again (kind of).  i have time to read and catch up on series i've missed.  i have time to work on a puzzle with my kids.  and im not late for anything for the first time in my adult life.

and then we can try to embrace the changes: zoom is not just a tool for work - who knew? virtual happy hours & virtual workout groups are amazing. group chats have become not just an accountability tool, but also a mental health check in. we get to learn more about each others talents - some of us can paint, or are amazing at diy projects.  we get new book and movie recommendations that we otherwise would never take.

we can also do our best for each other.  check on our parents, who might be feeling more isolated. 
reach out to friends we havent heard from or seen online in a while.  ask for help if we need it. take the opportunity to think outward.  it will help, i promise.

Dare to reach out your hand into the darkness, to pull another hand into the light. ~Norman B. Rice

as it pertains to exercise - which is really, ultimately where i am going with this:  you no longer have ANY excuses to not.  now it is literally just a choice.  and it is totally cool if your CHOICE is to hang out in your  jammies all day and eat junk food.  you do you.  we are literally living in the judgment free zone right now.  absolutely no one but you and your dogs (or cats) will have any idea if you eat ice cream all day.  30 days from now (or more) might be the first time you get off the couch or see sunlight.  and that is OKAY.  however, it is now, and will continue to be, YOUR CHOICE.  you are NOT too busy - that's for damn sure.  you do not have any kids events to run to, or homework to help with.  you arent stuck in traffic or have late meetings.  you just dont have the normal reasons NOT to that you used to.  so why not choose to think about this time as a reset.

Try not. Do or do not. There is no try. ~Yoda 

literally everyone & their brother is posting workouts.  most are free and most require no equipment.  there are yoga classes and spinning classes offered virtually.  dumbbell workouts and crossfit workouts.  super expensive trainers are offering huge discounts for virtual training.  and EVERYONE is in the same boat.  there are support groups galore.  NOW is the time to find your community online.  or just the style of workout you like.  no one is staring at you or making you feel awkward (unless you want them to).  and no one is going to listen to you complain.  it all sucks.  for everyone.  get over it. you know, or dont.  either way, you dont have any of the normal excuses.  it will be just as hard to make up new ones as it is to just go exercise.  it's like that old saying "you dont have to go home, but you cant stay here"..... "you dont have to get off your ass, but you cant complain about why you didnt".  clearly, im not good at making those up, but you get the point.

its a global pandemic.  what in the ever loving fuck.  who would have thought in our lifetimes we would be facing something like this?  and we dont have a choice to just NOT. right?  so we have to figure it out. the best that we can.  be grateful for the things you have.  dont let the things you no longer have define you.  and just keep on keeping on.  we can do this. together.

No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent. ~John Donne