18 & 48

I see my body as an instrument, rather than an ornament. ~Alanis Morissette

life is hard.  and it's also awesome.  and it's both all the way through all the years you get to be here.  i think we spend a lot of time lamenting over the time we wish we could get back. back when things were simpler, or less stressful, or whatever-er that just makes it seem better than NOW.  and as challenging as this year has been for me personally, it has also brought some new perspective - as all of my years seem to at this point.  and ironically, a really "bad" picture someone posted of themselves made me want to share this.  its BRAVE to share the ugly stuff.  even if it is only "ugly" to you.  it is hard to put yourself out there, knowing that people are eager to tear you down.  and i want to be a part of the people that stop doing that.  and i think it starts with being kinder to our inner 18 year old.

luckily for me, i have a lovely actual 18 year old to help me figure this out.  sarah is josh's girlfriend.  and she is a rockstar.  smart, beautiful inside and out, a hard worker.  all the things you want to be.  and looking at 18 year old sarah, all 48 year old deni sees is time.  i spend a lot of time talking to sarah about being happy.  not stressing.  trying to enjoy being 18 years old. because in HINDSIGHT, 18 was great, right?  but in reality, 18 is stressful.  its just a different stress than 48.  and we need to acknowledge that.  we all want to be older at 18, and younger at 48.  well, maybe not BE younger, but certainly LOOK younger anyway.  and that is where i think we get hung up.  it always comes back to how we LOOK.  and that, friends, is what i hope we can change.

It matters more what's in a woman's face than what's on it. ~Claudette Colbert

every woman i know looks at an 18 year old and says "look at her skin - its so fresh".  no lines.  no wrinkles.  just beautiful.  and yet, most 18 year olds today spend hours on makeup - blending and shading.  adding eyelashes.  and instagram filters.  all to find that ideal look - one that makes you feel beautiful.  and we all want to FEEL beautiful.  unfortunately, that often comes with thinking we LOOK beautiful.

so here is where is gets tricky.  at 18, you dont have any cellulite. but you probably still have some pimples.  at 48, you have stretch marks (and cellulite), but probably not so many pimples.  my point is this - there are upsides and downsides to age.  and all of it, every second of your life's journey, shows up on your body - somewhere. your body IS your journey.  it is the most visible sign of where you are at any given time. and where you have been.  and if we start to look at our body as the vehicle of our life, its easier to understand that it doesnt always have to look good.  it just has to work.

So long as we are in conflict with our body, we cannot find peace of mind. ~Georg Feuerstein

at 18, we want to be flawless.  at 48, we understand that is not possible.  but yet, we still strive for the appearance of it - rather than just let it go.  i am as guilty as the next person.  and even though i long since gave up the makeup/filter ghost, i am in a constant losing battle with my gray hair.  and my skin elasticity.  these things make me FEEL old.  because they make me LOOK old.  because in all honesty, i DONT feel old.  i feel great.  i can do some pretty awesome shit for a 48 year old.  definitely more than i could do at 18.  so why am i still judging myself on how i look? because that is what we do, right?

Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it. ~Confucius

so here is what i would tell 18 year old me (and sarah)....celebrate what your body can DO for you.

your body carries your soul, encompasses your heart, and literally takes you on your lifelong journey.  it plays sports and swims in the ocean. takes hikes in the woods and cuddles with your puppies. it does yoga, and lifts weights.  it runs races and takes long naps.  it carries your books, and eventually your babies.  your body is AMAZING.  no matter what it looks like.  what it looks like is relative.  and is generally reflective of  where you happen to be on your journey.  with age comes perspective certainly.  wrinkles become laugh lines. stretch marks reflect your love/hate with pregnancy.  your body shows the battles you have won (and sometimes lost).  but the time you have spent on this earth is always visible in one way or another.

the challenge is to EMBRACE that.  at all the ages.  be nicer to yourself.  and all the other women you know. beauty is CONFIDENCE.  and while i want you all to feel beautiful without the filters or eyelashes, if they make you FEEL more beautiful, then rock that. but understand that eventually, no amount off foundation, or filters, can hide the imperfections that you will acquire on your amazing ride through time.  until we can accept that the way we look - jiggles, stretch marks, wrinkles, cellulite and all - does NOT define us, we will continue to struggle to feel beautiful.  and we are ALL beautiful.  WE ARE.

No beauty is lost. You get to see the real face of it after the blossoms have fallen off the tree.~Henry Rollins

there is no perfect body.  period.  lets stop striving for that.  and lets share the journey differently.  18 year old deni was the skinniest deni.  but not the happiest.  and that is maybe the part we need to share.  the road is long. and hard sometimes.  and sometimes its amazing, and easy.  the goal is to keep moving, celebrating where we are.  its ok to see the flaws. we all have them.  but maybe we can stop pointing them out to each other. and instead focus on what they represent.  the battles we have overcome, the milestones we have reached, and the joy we have felt getting to wherever we happen to be at the moment.

kinder and gentler, ladies. of all ages.  beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  and YOU are the beholder.

I would have girls regard themselves not as adjectives but as nouns. ~Elizabeth Cady Stanton