when i stopped focusing on how i thought i "should" look, my life totally changed. for the better. at least in my opinion. in January of 2015, i took my first progress pic. i was determined that THIS year was the year i was finally going to get back under 140 pounds. i was coming off a clean eating, vegetarian year - and felt like i was starting to LOOK good. i was lifting and working out regularly, but was very cardio focused - because that was what i thought i needed to do to "keep the weight off". that damn "weight" - that always, no matter what, somehow was still not what i thought it should be. i felt skinny though. for the first time in a long time. and also felt like i was in "great" shape. seriously. we were, as a unit, training for the tough mudder. which we did in July of 15. and it was a total eye-opener for me. because, i was definitely in "ok" shape - meaning i didnt die. but i was WEAK. comparatively. our first obstacle was a rope walk on a slanted surface. which i absolutely could not do - because i couldnt hold my bodyweight over that distance. and that was just obstacle ONE. needless to say, by the time the monkey bars rolled around, i was so MAD at myself. i mean, seriously? as much time as i put in the gym, and all the training, and i still couldnt do it.
dont get me wrong. it was a great day. and i felt accomplished. it WAS 10 miles. but i walked away with the knowledge that i was not nearly strong enough. at least for what i wanted to be able to do. and that is when my focus changed.
but i wont lie. it took the better part of the next 18 months for it to really click. i was still trying to figure out how to EAT so that i could be skinnier AND lift heavier. i researched eat to perform and look into macro tracking. you name it, over that 18 months, i at least read about it. i even tried some of it. with varied results. and i was still obsessed with HOW IT LOOKED. if i wasnt going to be "skinny", then i wanted to be cut up - you know - that other thing that should magically happen overnight. definition became the goal. but it was still, in my mind, about how i looked. because i would have to look stronger if i WAS stronger, right?
fast forward to our first crossfit comp in october of 2016. we did great, in my opinion. i knew we were in great shape. our cardio workouts killed. but we got our proverbial butts handed to us on the strength part - and dammit, that was what we had been working on. or so i thought. and i realized, as a coach, a gym owner, and a woman - i had to adjust my perspective AGAIN.
2017 was an epiphany year. i stopped taking so many progress pictures. i decided to get with the program and GIVE IT TIME to work. i bumped my weights. stopped worrying about what the perception was - of what i should be able to do - or what i should look like - and just got busy chasing strength. getting more weight over my head. pulling my body weight up, over and over. at times, i would look at myself and think - ok -a little bulky there, den. but i had to let that GO. because getting BIGGER is a part of the process of getting stronger. and also, my diet sucks. but i realized that i was less interested in modifying my food, as i was in just lifting heavier stuff. so thats what i did. pretty much all year. definitely the second half of 17. and i finished the year so HAPPY! crazy, right?
when i took my annual progress pic on Jan 1st of 18, i could appreciate the incredible amount of work it took to get there. and it makes me happy. im accomplishing what i set out to. i am not done yet. i have goals to reach - and heavier shit to pick up. but i know i can get there.
bigger doesnt happen overnight. in weight, or in size. you are not going to change your body overnight. you have to commit to it. and if you focus on something - ANYTHING - that isnt appearance related, i think you will be that much happier.
what does that have to do with Boyd? he has been on the same journey. except he started out on the other end. all cardio. running running running. thinking he had to be "lighter" to be better. so after the comp in 2016, we decided we needed to lift heavier. STOP running. eat MORE. in all fairness, he did cut his carbs pretty significantly at first. which made him suck at the gym. so eventually, he added them back in. but he ended up losing weight AND gaining muscle. what i find the most interesting is this:
we are on the same journey. doing the same workouts. pushing ourselves. with the same statistical results. strength gains. pullups. and yet, WE HAD TOTALLY DIFFERENT APPEARANCE RESULTS.
so, which one of us should be unhappy? he's smaller. i'm bigger. shouldnt we want those results to be reversed? think about it. if we listen to society, and facebook, and shake diet/supplement companies - we were both totally unsuccessful this year. and i call bullshit.
this is the first year that i can remember that i started off without any kind of gym or food resolution. i am completely happy with my routine, my program and my body. and it made me laugh this morning, as i left for work with my toasted Pop-Tarts. life is what you make it. find the way that works for you, and just do that.
happy 2018, everyone. i hope you all find your thing this year. and that next jan 1st, you dont have to make those same old resolutions either.
No comments:
Post a Comment