vanity & shingles

its funny.  i would say that somewhere around 42 or 43, i felt like i had finally reached that place all my "older" friends said i would eventually - where i was no longer worried about what i looked like anymore.  not that i wanted to look bad, necessarily, but i stopped really WORRYING about it. i would go out without my eye makeup on.  i stopped wearing cute shoes that made me taller.  i let my bangs grow out because its just SO much easier to pull all of my hair back.  you know what i mean.  i just got more comfortable with ME.  the wrinkles around my eyes.  my crooked nose. the sun spots and freckles.  its just who i am at this point.  and i earned these wrinkles and sun spots, right?  so i feel like i was pretty okay with it all.  and then this happened.

Vanity dies hard; in some obstinate cases it outlives the man.  ROBERT LOUIS STEVENSON

i got shingles.  on my face.  yup. on my face.  so i learned a couple of things.  apparently only old people or people who are stressed out get shingles.  and i know A LOT of people who clearly carry a lot of stress. because i have quite a few friends who have had them.  and every single person who i know who has had them, got them on their torso.  which is no less painful or annoying.  but a bit less OBVIOUS.  i hit the stress jackpot.  go me :)

Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness. ~Richard Carlson

you know when you KNOW you look bad?  when your friends immediately go "oh, its not that bad".  or "i expected it to be worse".  that's code for, you can PROBABLY still get away with going out in public, but be prepared.  and why is it that the MINUTE you absolutely can not put any makeup on your face, you desperately need it??  life's little ironies.  not that it really matters.  i have a bunch of bumps and scabs on my face.  not the end of the world, by any means.  but it bothered me WAY more than i thought it would.  which, because im me, led to me trying to figure out WHY.  its just a thing.  and i should be super happy that it wasnt entirely itchy for more than a day or two.  but i couldnt look past that pattern of bumps.  and then all the questions - how did you get THAT?  what did you DO?  are you stressed?  are you contagious?  are you cancelling class? does it hurt?   ummm, i dont know, i dont know, obviously (aren't we all), not unless you touch my face, no im not, and yes it does.  HA!

Illness is the most heeded of doctors: to goodness and wisdom we only make promises; pain we obey. ~Marcel Proust

probably the worst part, aside from the giant headache, and visible bumps, was just being TIRED.  and cranky. i literally had to preface almost every conversation i had for an entire week with "im sorry for how this is going to come across, but i'm super irritable".   luckily, i only had my monthly managers meeting to go to.  with the grumpy.  and the bumps.  it was awesome.  i didnt just not look like myself.  i didnt feel like myself either.  THIS is what i take for granted.  and my take away from my lovely shingles experience.

Every symptom has a story to tell about your life. A fascinating story, that can reveal the complex links between your body, mind, emotions and spirit. ~Kristina Turner

we take our health for granted.  all of us who have it.  we bitch about being tired.  or sore. but the reasons we are tired are sore stem from our ability to MOVE, to exercise & to push our limits.  we complain about our knees and our backs. recurring injuries from YEARS of moving and playing. running and jumping.  ENJOYING all the things our bodies can do. yes, we pay a price for that.  and we are LUCKY to do so.  

“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, nor to worry about the future, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly.” – Buddha

how many of us have lost a loved one too soon?  how many of us know someone battling cancer or a chronic disease?  how many people do we know really struggling with depression or anxiety?  how many reminders do we need of what a gift our health is? i am as guilty of this as anyone.   obviously.  i was a total bitch about having some bumps on my face.  they were my "get a grip" bumps.  its easy to ignore the not so obvious signs around me.  it was a bit harder to ignore those that were literally right in front of my face.  i am lucky.  period.  my bumps will go away.  my headaches will lessen.  my stress will ebb and flow.  i get to pick myself up and go back to the gym.  i get to continue doing the things i love, with the people i love.  these are the important things.  the things its easy to forget in the daily grind.  

Everybody seeks happiness! Not me, though! That’s the difference between me and the rest of the world. Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria! - Calvin (&hobbes)

sometimes life holds a mirror up to our face.  its up to us what we see.  i realized that the beauty in my life has nothing to do with the face that stares back at me.  it comes from all the blessings i have been given, the people i get to share the journey with, & the love i give and get in return.  

with or without makeup.