a number is just a number

"nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.  EXCEPT PIZZA.  pizza tastes like skinny can go fuck itself" - every woman alive.

actually, skinny can go fuck itself all the time, in my opinion.  this realization has been a long time coming.  too long. but thank you sweet baby jesus, i FINALLY get it.

as a woman with a passion for fitness, i have to say that i wish numbers in general would just disappear.  more specifically those on the scale.  i understand that we all feel compelled to MEASURE our progress, but by measuring it in WEIGHT, we get unrealistic and often misleading feedback.

i weigh 150.  i know ive told you that before.  i assume its still true.  its close enough anyway. and at 5'2, we all know that's clinically obese. if we go by weight alone.  so just for one single second, lets put aside the bullshit BMI scale and look at that number differently.  to the right is me at 140, when i felt "fat". i was tired all the time.  and didnt eat much during the day because i was busy and figured that the less i ate the better, right?  i still worked out - i've always done that in some form or fashion - but not with the same intensity as i do now. but i ran.  a lot.  i was training for and ran a few half marathons. my point is this - i was in okay shape.  and i thought i was fat.  and i weighed 10 pounds LESS than i do now.

the question is, would i rather weigh less just so i can tell someone out loud that i "only' weigh X. or would i rather weigh what the fuck ever and feel good???  its really a no brainer.

I am beginning to measure myself in strength, not pounds. Sometimes in smiles. ~Laurie Halse Anderson

we are all super critical.  every single one of us.  even if its just of ourselves.  we live our lives under the microscope.  we see airbrushed magazine covers and magically filtered photos on social media.  we look at photoshopped, made up versions of women, and we judge ourselves based on that.  HARSHLY.  the temptation to use those tools to present a prettier, skinnier, BETTER version of ourselves taunts us.  as if what we ARE isnt good enough.  this is a serious challenge for most of us.  and i want you to think about it as it pertains to your life.  WHY do you want to lose weight?  is it to be healthier?  is it to look better?  or is it to reach that magic milestone of whatever you weighed before you had kids?  are you rationalizing your happiness in the future on "if i only weighed X" then everything would be better.

Reality check: you can never, ever, use weight loss to solve problems that are not related to your weight. At your goal weight or not, you still have to live with yourself and deal with your problems. You will still have the same husband, the same job, the same kids, and the same life. Losing weight is not a cure for life. ~Phillip C. McGraw

remember when you thought you were fat in high school?  and then in college?  and then when you went to work or had kids and didnt have time to workout?  and then AFTER you had kids?  do you remember finding something WRONG WITH YOU at every single stage of your life? even when you actually were skinny?  because the world doesnt want you to feel good about yourself!!  if you actually feel good about yourself, then you dont need this diet pill, or that makeup, or those spanx.  you dont need this weight loss shake, or those stretchy tights, or that anti-wrinkle cream.  you dont need the cellulite lotion, or the hair color, or the pushup bra.  natural beauty is FREE.  and nobody profits from free. except YOU.

You can’t build joy on a feeling of self-loathing. ~Ram Dass

im going to throw my friend under the bus (i'm sorry). but you know the blog is always motivated by something, right?  this beautiful woman felt fat.  and so she changed her diet and over the last 6 months lost 50 pounds.  because that was the magic number. the NUMBER at which she was going to be "better".  but what happens when you lose 50 pounds without exercise?  anyone???  you end up looking really skinny - which is really awesome, right?  but then you STILL have to go to the beach wearing a coverup.  because there's always a catch.  you have a extra skin.  everywhere.  and so now, her next project is to tone it all up.  and you know what will happen then?  she will gain weight.  its a never-ending battle when you live by the scale.  

so why was this an epiphany for me.  because we weigh the same.  and she's a little taller. and she definitely looks skinnier than me. her weight for her height is more "normal" than mine.  and all i could think when i saw her, aside from honestly being happy for HER that she lost the weight, was "yikes".  which makes me feel like a horrible person. what can i say.  but looking at her 150 and my 150, all i could think was this NUMBER means absolutely nothing. and it made me glad that i am choosing to build muscle instead of lose weight.  which doesnt mean that that's the right answer for everyone.  obviously.  but its definitely the right one for ME.  i truly realized, maybe for the first time, that the number on the scale really doesn't mean anything.  i know i've said it before. but this time i hope i actually mean it.  it somehow just LANDED inside me this time.  what i weigh means absolutely NOTHING.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. ~Eleanor Roosevelt

what i guess im trying to say is this - be grateful for your body, in whatever form its in.  there will always be room for improvement.  just like you will never stop learning.  your entire LIFE is a work in progress.  that includes your body, and your emotions.  and that's the way it should be.  there will always be someone that looks the way you wish you did.  and that person wishes they looked like someone else, i promise.  to compare is human, i think.  as long as you use that comparison for GOOD.  to motivate yourself, maybe.  but not to judge. society judges enough for all of us.  be kind to yourself.  

It’s true, the scale can only give you a numerical reflection of your relationship with gravity. That’s it.  It cannot measure beauty, talent, purpose, life force, possibility, strength, or love. Don’t give the scale more power than it has earned. Take note of the number, then get off the scale and live your life. You are beautiful!”― Steve Maraboli

if you are struggling with losing weight, and the scale motivates you - then use it.  just dont let it DEFINE you.  progress is made in a lot of different ways.  that number is only one very tiny part of who you are.  

and if you work your ass of everyday in the gym.  and you are stronger than you used to be. but the scale tells you that you are not doing good enough, then throw that bitch in the trash. YOU get to decide what makes you feel beautiful.  not that arbitrary number.

People often say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I say that the most liberating thing about beauty is realizing you are the beholder.  -Salma Hayek

my tribe

tribeinformal a ​large ​family or other ​group that someone ​belongs to:


"Finding your tribe can have transformative effects on your sense of identity and purpose.  This is because of three powerful tribal dynamics: validation, inspiration, and what we'll call here the "alchemy of synergy." Ken Robinson

this picture is only a small representation of what i consider my SiB family.  we are, without any official declaration, a tribe. what makes this so special is that we are united for a common purpose.  we help each other.  and we have a lot of fun doing it.  being fit is hard.  and its even harder if you are going at it alone.  the thing that i love the most about SiB is the feeling that i have created a place where my people can come to get what they need.  sometimes that's a hard workout.  sometimes its not so hard (right??).  and sometimes its just encouragement or stress relief. we TOGETHER have created this environment where we bond over accomplishing things, individually and as a unit.  

“Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.” - jane howard

the most interesting thing about my tribe is that it constantly evolves.  and while i would consider ALL of these people my friends, we dont really socialize outside of the studio (except you know, my sister). this is a community of people who have bonded over our love of, or need for, fitness.  we share challenges, we joke around, we celebrate birthdays, but we do it all within the walls of SiB. and i totally appreciate knowing i have this community of people who will be there to support me everyday - at roughly 4:30 (or you know, 7:30am if i have a gun to my head).

interestingly, our tribe is very diverse.  many of us have NOTHING in common except the desire to challenge ourselves. to get better.  but what links us, even more than that, is the inner fire to not settle for the status quo.  it is so easy to make excuses.  we all hear them every day.  i laughingly tell my friends that i'm like a fitness priest - people cant help but to come up and tell me WHY they aren't working out, or what their plans are.  like i can ABSOLVE them.  i find it interesting.  and super amusing.  i have heard just about every excuse out there.  my favorites include, but are not limited to: bad knees (seriously??), no time (you and every other person on earth), and its too hard there (i have no response to this one).  

If you don't want to do something, one excuse is as good as another.

 ~Yiddish Proverb

i think what those "other" people think is that we, my tribe, don't suffer from all of those same woes. which is just ridiculous.  that's why you NEED a tribe!  so when you are feeling your laziest and most unmotivated, you remember that someone else is COUNTING ON YOU to be there for them.  even if it is just to commiserate with.  let me say this - i am no spring chicken.  i have had both of my knees reconstructed.  i eat like a teenage boy & drink my fair share.  and at heart, i am lazy.  nothing makes me happier than a west wing marathon laying on my couch.  i have a busy life.  i work full-time.  i volunteer.  you know, i do all the things that everyone else does. AND i workout.  pretty much everyday.  because i NEED to.  because i dont want to turn into jabba the hut.  because its good for my mental well-being, not to mention the physical.  and because my tribe counts on me to be there. without them, i just dont know that i would do it everyday.  or even most of the time.  i need to be accountable to someone other than me.  because its way to easy for me to let myself off the hook.

we are going thru this journey together.  all of you out there with a tribe of your own know exactly what i mean.  its super easy to quit doing something when you are doing it alone.  but when you have other people counting on you, its a lot harder to just give up.  you still can.  we have certainly had people leave and never come back.  that happens too.  and its all okay.  one of my favorite sincere beliefs is that people come into your life when you need them.  not all of them are meant to stay forever. but while we are travelling together, we get to help each other.  pretty cool stuff.

Help one another; there's no time like the present and no present like the time. ~James Durst

as summer approaches, we are starting to see the callenges in sticking with that workout program. spring sports are always tough.  kids schedules get trickier. end of the school year has way more demands.  and its a whole lot easier to just STOP. please don't.  reach out to a buddy.  find a tribe of your own.  join ours.  just dont quit.  there will absolutely always be reasons for you to not make time for yourself. ALWAYS.  but YOU are important.  your mental and physical health is a GIFT - to you and from you to those you love.  neglecting yourself is never the right answer.  and if working out it not your thing - that's okay too.  there are all kinds of other tribes out there that will support you doing your thing.

In union there is strength. ~Aesop

if you haven't started yet, doing whatever it is that you love, i hope you do.  start now.  once you are doing something FOR YOU, you will be amazed at how much better you feel.  and you will wake up one morning and realize that you have a tribe of your own.  believe me, its one of the coolest things out there.

thank you to all of my SiB peeps.  i love you all.  i love our competition. and our camaraderie.  i love your crazy work stories and commiserating over kid drama.  i truly enjoy watching you all get better and stronger every day.  i love your quirky sayings and the way you motivate each other and me!  and i totally love working out with you.  even when i dont want to.  you guys rock.

Sticks in a bundle are unbreakable. ~Kenyan Proverb