So i did a thing. the journey of my life has taken twists and turns, just like the rest of the planet. thru ups and downs, ins and outs, the one constant (aside from my family) is fitness. and it just so happens that the stars aligned to create a space for me to pursue that passion to its fullest. and i'm dragging as many of you with me as i can.
All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on. ~Havelock Ellis
life is funny. we all know that. but i never had any intention of "starting a business" at 51. SiB has been a side-hustle since before side-hustles were a thing. i have been teaching classes in one form or another for over 20 years (yikes) and it has always been the thing i did to stay sane. and make some extra money, sure. but as i have come to realize after having this conversation with LOTS of people, fitness is a life journey with no destination - and i have lived that. it is THE example i feel like i have set, mostly without intention. but it is true all the same. and it is THIS wisdom and experience that brought me to eQuillibrium.
lets start with the name. as with most things, i threw out in my family group chat "hey, i need a name for the new gym i am thinking about starting that has Quill or something like that in it". literally 5 minutes later, my future DIL throws out equillibrium - and here we are. eQuillibrium is about bringing ALL the parts of you into balance, thru fitness. or wellness. whatever makes you feel better to call it. harmony with wherever you are in your life, thru community and commitment to your physical and mental wellbeing. sounds pretty hokey/woowoo for me (especially if you know me well), but i'm evolving. as i should.
Happiness is a place between too little and too much. ~Finnish proverb
keith likes to call it a kinder gentler SiB. and i would have to agree. Strong is Beautiful was born out of a desire to show young girls (and eventually all kinds of people) that women should never be judged on their appearance. skinny is not the goal (and it still isn't). FIT and strong is what it is all about. but 37 year old deni and 51 year old deni have a few different outlooks on what that means :) and yeah, its been 13 years since we started our very first SiB class - on the tennis courts at TSHS.
looking back, i feel so good about what we have accomplished. we introduced fitness to an entirely different generation of young people, and reinforced that what you can DO with your body is more important than how it LOOKS. its an ongoing battle for sure, but i feel like for the most part SiB had a positive impact on the vast majority of people -young and old - that crossed its path over the years.
BUT - and there is always a but in these stories, right? but i lost my way when my dad died. in lots of ways. everyone handles grief differently - and in their own time. and i just didn't handle it well. i got meaner and way less tolerant. just way not in a good place in any way shape or form. but couldn't see it, right. i mean its hard to see those negative things in yourself when you are going thru them. and then when COVID happened, it allowed me the space to just withdraw - from everything and everyone. except my family. which just so happened to include my fitfam as well. zoom workouts for the win!
closing the physical doors to the studio felt like closing a real door to a moment in time that no longer fit the person i was. it lost its joy and became another thing that somehow felt negative - because everything felt negative at that time. and to be honest, i figured i was never opening those doors again. lots of people moved on - to other places or garage gyms. a handful stuck with me thru the zoom and driveway workouts....and over time i found that THING that keeps me always working out. i LOVE it. it drives me and keeps me sane. it makes me be social, even when i don't want to be. and it makes me FEEL better - both physically AND mentally. i refound my passion for it, at one of my lowest points. go fitness!
The desire of activity is designed by nature to promote our physical well-being. Physical activity is the law of physical health. ~Edward Brooks
fast forward a bit. i reopen the studio - with zero fanfare and only a very small fitfam. but i am literally DYING sitting at my desk at work all day. hate it. hate it. hate it so much that i could feel all of the negative energy returning. and i was literally SEDENTARY - like 1700 steps a day sedentary. half dead sedentary. and i knew something had to change. although i wasn't sure what that would be to be honest.
and then. drumroll please......i got fired. HA. from a job i was pretty good at, actually. and that paid the bills for a really long time. i just was not doing a great job, in an industry i didn't really care for, working for a company that treated me like a cog in the wheel. complete recipe for disaster. and i knew it was coming. and couldn't seem to bring myself to care - or stop it. which in hindsight was probably the glowing, flashing, neon sign you can all see it to be, right?
Wherever I have knocked, a door has opened. Wherever I have wandered, a path has appeared. ~Alice Walker
so what do you do - at the ripe old age of 51. newly unemployed for the first time since, um 1987. you decide to take a break - like that is helpful. but you know, it was almost a relief to not be doing something i hated. and then the epiphany. or more like the "maybe its ok to ask for help". im not great at that. but i am lucky to have an amazing support system - and her name is Lisa. i mean, there are lots of other people too, but she is my person. and always has been. and now she gets to be Lisa AND Pop - so go her!
i guess the TMI piece of this is that Pop left us a bit of money when he passed. and it was always kind of a "that was nice but we don't need it" kind of thing. until, you know, i needed it. then it was, as always, Pop to the rescue. and it made an odd kind of sense right. the person that always encouraged me to see the bright side, and to follow my dreams, was still able to give that gift to me. and out of that safe space to just exist for a few months came eQuillibrium. it honestly was born from a right place, right time thing. im ready to begin this new chapter, and an opportunity to fill a hole in the fitness community presented itself. it was couched in a different opportunity, but you make the best of the hand you are dealt and just keep moving. THAT is definitely the life lesson in all of this, right.
Life is an educational process you can't opt out of. You either learn the lesson, or you become the lesson. ~Robert Brault
i started asking myself in my mid 30's (better late than never, right?) "what's the lesson". what am I supposed to be learning from this experience. be they kid challenges, or financial challenges, job changes, or opportunities - what's the lesson? and that has really served me well as i've "grown up". what i realized after the "fall" of SiB in its original incarnation, is that not everyone wants to work as hard as humanly possible at all times. and that fitness CAN be, but doesn't HAVE to be, a competition. i told my kids from a very early age that you get what you need when you need it. its not about everyone getting the same thing all the time. not everyone needs the same things at the same time, so why give something to everyone that they might not need - or want? and i think i was doing that at SiB. i mean - i LOVED it - every bit of it. but it was time to learn that lesson as well. not everyone wants or needs that kind of "fitness".
Moderate exercise is indispensable; exercise till the mind feels delight in reposing from the fatigue. ~Socrates
all of that to say this: everyone is welcome here. if you need a place that will support you on your journey, that is what we strive to be. where you are on your journey may not match where i am on mine, but we can still travel the road together.
huge thanks to everyone who has joined us along the road so far - no matter for how long. we appreciate you and everything you have done to help us get here.
As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words but to live by them. ~President John F. Kennedy
xoxo, deni
