why we run...in tribute

at this point it goes without saying that i dont enjoy running.  so it may come as a surprise that have such an interconnected relationship with it.  not only do i try to participate in several runs a year, but i organize a couple as well.  and almost all of them would fall into the category of "tribute" runs.  its weird to me that i feel compelled to do something i personally struggle with so much, in order to pay tribute to those who have lost so much more than i can ever imagine.  but that is the incarnation it has taken for me.  in my own way, pushing myself to find the mental space to be GRATEFUL for doing something i dont like, because i am ABLE to.  convoluted logic. but true.

“The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude.” ― Thornton Wilder

9/11 is hard for everyone.  we all have very real, visceral memories of where we were that day 15 years ago.  my most vivid moment was sitting there, watching tv, as people chose to jump from the top floors of the WTC, rather than face the horror inside.  i still cant even wrap my head around that choice.  and i know that what i feel isnt even a fraction of what those who lost loved ones and friends that day feel.   but i feel connected to it.  like the rest of us.  its a day that can not go without notice.  and tribute. in whatever form or fashion that takes.  i think this year, especially, its difficult. our nation and our leaders seem so divided.  it seems like we have still not learned the lesson of that day. hate and fear divide us.  i can only hope it wont take another tragedy to unite us this time.

"Our nation owes a debt to its fallen heroes that we can never fully repay, but we can honor their sacrifice." President Barack Obama

what i decided to do today was run. a 10k.  which might not seem like a big deal. but it is for me. even more because there was a 5k option, which means i not only had to run, but i had to choose to go further than i actually needed to.  this is how my crazy brain works.  but today was not a day for taking the easier option.  and ALWAYS when i attend these events, i re-gain my perspective.  as i stood at Mt Vernon, surrounded by other people who also chose to start their 9/11 in that way, i saw a community of people.  all shapes, sizes, colors, & ages.  many first responders and military personnel.  several with artificial limbs.  people who have SACRIFICED to be there.  it is never anything short of humbling.

“The brave die never, though they sleep in dust: Their courage nerves a thousand living men.” 

– Minot J. Savage

so how does this parlay into a tribute?  Its restorative for me.  some people go to church.  some go to memorials.  i choose to attempt to honor the sacrifice by LIVING.  by surrounding myself with people who are testing their limits, for reasons of their own.  who find FAITH in their fellow man by encouraging each other.  by not giving up.  by proving that resolve matters. in every facet of life.  

we cant honor the dead by not living.  by hiding from each other. by stewing in our hatred or grief. we can only honor them by embracing life.  by appreciating our gifts, whatever they are. by reaching out to others who share the pain.  pulling for each other and reaching out a hand. lifting each other up.

trib·ute noun

1. 1.

   an act, statement, or gift that is intended to show gratitude, respect, or admiration.

running is not really hard.  in the grand scheme of things.  i mean, it is.  because im not good at it and i genuinely dont like it.  but its not HARD.  it is literally putting one foot in front of the other.  hard is losing a loved one.  hard is not being physically able.  hard is fighting thru crushing depression.  hard is making yourself face one more day when you are not sure why you should.  LOSS is hard.  running just sucks.  running is a gut check.  running reaffirms how lucky i am.  its a tribute in its most basic form.  one i am grateful to give.